The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wanted to share a website I came across that I found most interesting. The author is April Crum, who is a student in a university who gives meaning behind what it means to be unequally yoked......
Unequally Yoked?
By April Crum
In 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 Paul discusses being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Some interpret this verse as not associating at all with unbelievers. Others interpret this verse as not having binding relationships with unbelievers. In either case, Christians realize certain relationships with unbelievers may be detrimental to the Christian. This is why Paul is warning believers not to be too involved with unbelievers.
What are the positions?
1. "Unequally Yoked" means not be associated in any way with non-Christians!
Paul’s passage in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 can be interpreted as Christians should not associate at all with non-christians. All relationships with non-christians are sinful because non-christians are of the darkness and Christians are of the light. Jesus said in John 8:12, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
He guarantees Christians will never walk in the darkness if they follow Him. In order to not walk in the darkness, Christians must not have any ties with the non-christian community. It is known that non-christians may bog down Christians spiritually. These associations apply to friendships, working environments, business partnerships, dating, marriage, and any other worldly association.
If Christians do not pursue any worldly relationships, then they will not have to deal with Christians dating or marrying non-christians. Christians marrying non-christians would be unheard of if Christians would only do what Paul tells them to do! Relationships with non-christians are very unhealthy, this is why Paul tells Christians not to be unequally yoked with them. Christians and non-christians tend to have different values and outlooks on life. This division causes strife in any relationship. Christians are more secure spiritually to seek other Christians to associate with.
2. "Unequally Yoked" Refers to Binding Relationships:
When Paul was writing and warning Christians not to be unequally yoked with non-believers, he meant this in the context of binding relationships. A yoke is actually a farming tool to guide oxen or donkeys in the field. They were yoked so they would not go anywhere, except where the farmer would guide. Yoking two animals means they are bound together until the job is finished. Paul is actually using this analogy of yoking to refer to oxen and donkeys being unequally yoked. An ox is much stronger and harder working than a donkey . Yoking a donkey and an ox together to plow a field causes strain on the weaker animal, eventually the stronger will give up and join the weaker because it knows it cannot win the fight. They will never be able to pull equally. The product of yoking them together will result in very crooked rows in the field and a tired ox and donkey.
Paul used this analogy of yoking unequal animals together to show unbelievers and believers they should not be yoked together. Paul here uses the word yoking to refer to a binding relationship. In this kind relationship, people are either bound to each other for life or for a period of time. Marriage is no doubt a binding relationship. Dating, leading up to marriage can also be considered a binding relationship. Another relationship is business partnerships.
Partnerships are binding to both parties for a length of time. Any relationship that binds a non-christian to a Christian in any way can be considered unequally yoking.
Some people take this unequally yoking definition to extremes.
It does not mean
Christians can not associate with non-christians. It only applies to the binding relationships with non-christians. Even Jesus associated with non-christians. 1 Corinthians 5:10, Paul tells us we cannot avoid associating with "evil-doers." We live in this world, so we cannot avoid the people of this world without leaving it. In John 17, Jesus commands us in the great commission to go out and make disciples of all nations. The only way we can do this is to associate with non-christians. Therefore unequally yoked cannot be defined this way because it contradicts the teachings of the Bible. Paul meant unequally yoked to be defined in the context of binding relationships with Christians and non-christians.
My Position: "Unequally Yoked" Refers to Binding Relationships:
I believe and support the second position. If a Christian binds himself with a non-christian, this will bring strife on both parties. Just as it brings strife to both the donkey and the ox, it will bring unhappiness to the Christian and the non-christian. This is because they are not equal on a spiritual level. Both of them have different values and outlooks on life. It is very difficult to live with someone who has a different definition and outlook on life. This is why Paul warns Christians not to be caught up in binding relationships with non-christians. God knows what is best for us, if we listen and obey Him, we will have a smoother ride in life.
I believe that Paul meant being unequally yoked in the context of a binding relationship, such as marriage, dating, or a business partnership. As Christians, we must obey God since "God knows best." Unequally yoking does not mean never to associate with non-christians. It would be impossible to do this and still be able to live in this world. God calls us to witness to non-christians. By not associating with them, we could never win others for Christ. this is also a commandment that God has given us. Therefore, Paul was writing about binding relationships and warning Christians to not be unequally yoked or bound to an unbeliever.
And this post is a perfect example of why I am choosing ot no longer affliate myself with al-anon, atleast on this board, if not the program all together.
For the past several weeks I have been struggling with issues of spirituality because of something that happened with al-anon. After meditation, study & listening to other people, as well as speaking up at my f2f meeting, I'm back on the right track. Someone said to me that "religion is for people afraid to go to hell, spirituality is for those who have already been there". I qualify for the later. I've done deep soul seraching on my own spirituality and know what? I am really ok with where I am and who I am. I'm tired of feeling deflated by the al-anon program & that is exactly what I've been feeling like lately. Instead of feeling lifted up & empowered, I feel deflated.
I went to my f2f al-anon meeting last night and someone spoke. They began by saying "I am not an adult child of an alcoholic" and ended with "all adult children are alcoholics whether they drink or not". I am finding this judgemental holier than thou attitude to be prevalent in the al-anon program and it is not for me. I am finding that there are more and more people pushing their religion in the program than they are pushing recovery via the 12 steps. I am finding that al-anon has gone from an uplifting program that empowers people to make changes in thier lives to a program that teaches people how to become better behaved victims. It saddens me because when I first became involved in al-anon and ala-teen years ago it was not like this at all. It frustrates me because I see newcommers leaving left and right because of the attitudes & behaviors in the al-anon program.
I am leaving with this parting thought ... I do not walk in the dark because I choose not to walk in the dark. I have a spirit of giving, of kindness, of compassion because that is who I CHOOSE to be. I beleive that all humans, despite their religious differences, have the capacity to have a beautiful spirit and share that beautiful spirit with others. I believe that if more people actually took the 12-steps to heart & followed the traditions of not judgeing or telling other how to live their lives that there would be a lot less hate in the program.
I am really glad our program at every meeting says "Take what you liked and leave the rest". I've been reading the many posts we have here lately with a lot of interest. I find I agree with some, disagree with others, and both is okay. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, their feelings, and so on. I strive not to be judgmental of anyone, or to tell anyone "you can't say that". (Who am I to say what someone can say?) Of course, during an Al-Anon meeting, I do expect to hear Al-Anon, how Al-Anon works, what the Al-Anon tools are, and so on. But on this board, and in open chat, we are free to speak of just about anything which helps our recovery.
I am always saddened when I see someone say they are going to leave the program due to what they've heard others say. To me (having gone thru my own experience of this with a religion) I can see that personalities are coming before principles when this happens. That is what I allowed in my own life back then. I do understand though how hard it is to remain somewhere when you feel others are not following the principles. I guess the bottom line for me is, I am here for my own recovery. I believe these principles can work and do work. I will take what I like and leave the rest, and hope I can pass on the Al-Anon principles to others without pushing my own personal opinions and feelings (on other matters) into it also. Frankly, I don't care where anyone finds their spirituality. I mean, if their spirituality differs from mine, that is okay. We're all just here trying to find a way of living a better life as we deal with the affects of alcoholism. I try not to use words like "never" or "always" or "all of them" - because I know everything does not apply to everyone. Examples: "they all lie", "they all cheat". Sorry, but I disagree. We share our Experience, Strength and Hope because in hearing how so many others use the tools, we may find a way that works for us out of the many different ways others have used the tools. Circumstances all differ, there is not just ONE way of dealing with things. What works for me may not work for another. Doesn't mean my way is wrong, just means it don't work for someone else's circumstance. That's all.
As to unequally yoked, I too would like to point to a scripture (something I usually don't do). 1st Corinthians 7: 10 - 16 I won't type it all out, those who care to can look it up. It does refer to being with an unbelieving spouse, and the last verse asks "how do you know but that you will save your husband/wife?" Just as in working my Al-Anon program where I try to apply all the steps, traditions, and concepts as a whole, I also do the same with the Bible (rather than just picking out the verses which suit me and ignoring the rest). I do agree with what was posted on unequally yoked, that it is better to be equally yoked. Often though, those finding their way may already be in an unequally yoked circumstance. In that case, I look to the scripture above and ask, could my conduct lead my husband to find his way also, to become equally yoked with me? I have seen this happen for others. I am seeing it happen in my own life. True, we have our ups and downs, but that is true for any marriage as none of us are perfect. I also acknowledge that it does not work for everyone. I am just saying, it is working for me and I have seen it work for others. I will not push "my way" on anyone. I will share what works for me, and if it helps another, wonderful. If it doesn't apply for someone else, that's okay too. We all are just trying to find our own way to serenity.
Thank you very much for this post as it has made me really look at "why I stay", and also helps me ask myself if I am being intolerant of others beliefs or ways of doing things.
With program love, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I completely agree with what you are refering to in scripture as a husband and wife already, with the possibility of being unequally yoked, as one may bring the other to become a believer. I did not post that with the intent of provoking anyone, as I only did it because I have found that having that insight into deciding which relationships could and could be potentially unhealthy for us and offer freedom from GUILT in not pursuing these situations. That alone is a great relief to be rid of guilt of others who aren't where we are at in recovery. I guess you could compare it to the story of the bridge and sometimes we must cross the bridge and leave others behind.
Oh kismet...what you said! "Take what you like and leave the rest"....Works for me! As a "recovering southern babtist" I'm learning tolerance for the differences in other people in Al-Anon. I heard a man say last week that "a day without being right is like a day without sunshine". That is so where I used to be before I came here. My whole world consisted of being right. Emotionally and relationally nothing else mattered. My world was very cold and rigid, devoid of love and compassion.
Now my favorite f2f meeting is the most diverse one I go to, (I have 8 of them now). Agnostic, atheist, christians and jews sit together in a multiracial setting with heterosexuals, homosexuals, lesbians and bi-sexuals. And the majic of all this for me is that I can't and don't try to fix any of them! My higher power has made it clear to me that if there is any fixing to do then it's "HIS" job and not mine! Wow! My job is to love them and nothing more. This has set me free to be able to love and respect others. Which before was impossible because if you didn't think like me you were wrong.
I very desperatly needed such a diverse group to get over my hangups. So now I take what I like and leave the rest. All I do is the lov'in and none of the fix'in. What a breakthough! Free at last I'm free at last!
