The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We have had a few perfect spring days here in Jersey, so I have taken advantage of it and been getting the outside of the house in shape. I love to garden and take care of the lawn. There is something so freeing about playing in the dirt and the smell of the soil. There is also such a sense of satisfaction when it all comes together, things grow and the dank house of winter gives way to the lush green and colors of spring.
I have always been very curiouse by nature and I think everything to death. I am also a very religiouse person, while I love and believe in God with all my heart. I have faith that he exists and that there is an afterlife. I question every other teaching of the church and other religions as well. Not that I don't believe them, I have a need to understand them, or at least try to. I had a very good family friend who was a priest (he past away a little over a year ago) and for many years I drove the poor man nuts with my questions. We had so many discussions about theology and my religion. I know he enjoyed the talks, but for every answer I had another question. He taught me so much, yet brought up so many more questions.
The same is still true in my life today, and with Alanon as well. While I am gardening, I think. I was pulling weeds, that no matter what I do come back, and turning the sand (I live a block from the beach) adding planting soil and spreading yet more seed that will die because of the sand. I do this every year. Rip the lawn apart and plant more seed in the sand, to have a month or two of grass, and to have it die off, because of the sand. It is a frustrating labor of love.
So heres the qestion. If I let go and let God, wouldn't the weeds take over, wouldn't I have a sandy mess all year in the front lawn? It would be a ugly mess outside and the sand would be dragged into my house on peoples feet. If I left the landscape as God created it, wouldn't it become the rough and tumble way of the shore? Okay I could accept the climate and area I live in with my lanscaping, and I do. I plant region acceptable and I keep a beachy theme to my yard, but the care is still required. The hard work and constant vigilance. Me against the weeds or maybe against nature, or maybe working with nature. I am not sure.
To me alcoholism is the same, While I realize it is a losig battle, it is an aspect of my life, home and family. If I give in doesn't the chaos win, and spill out into everything else around it?
It is pretty obviouse letting go and letting God is one of my biggest problems. I think it to death and have trouble accepting. I keep questioning.
There was no real point to this post, just thinking and questioning.
Thanks for your interesting and thought-provoking share Jeannie. I too firmly believe in 'Let Go, Let God', but also have to keep reminding myself that before I hand over, I've got to do some of the pedalling. My problem is getting the right balance. Every night I try to remember to do a Step 10 - "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it". Oh dear, time and time again I realise I have yet again been trying to force my will and not praying for guidance.
But on a more down to earth matter [pardon the pun] if I handed the care of my suburban garden over to the care of god it would turn into a sycamore forest and a wilderness of weeds in no time at all. [I live in west London, UK]. I've lovingly battled with my garden for 38 years and reached a compromise by planting flowering shrubs and trees which thrive in my particular type of soil, replaced most of the grass with gravel and paving and each summer plant up large terracotta pots with flowers which would be eaten by slugs and snails if planted in the ground. Then I hand over, sit back and thank my god for my good fortune in having my own little piece of heaven.
Your point about doing some of the pedaling is kind of what I was thinking. Where do we let go? While we can live our life for God, I don't believe we can expect God to live it for us. We manipulate many things on Gods earth. We garden, we build homes, roads etc.
We do not leave all to God. We go to work to make money, we don't sit down at our table at night and expect God to produce supper. Someone has to pay for it, to cook it and to serve it, or we serve ourselves. We can give in to nature on some points, planting things that are suitable for the climate soil etc. But we still have to pull the weeds, or things get ugly and out of control.
The alcohol an alcoholic consumes was provided by a store or bar, not served by God.
I believe my husband and I met for a reason, beyond our children. I know if I let go completely he will not be left to his own validation, as his parents will continue running his life and pouring his beer. So is it let go and let parents, I can't imagine that.
If it is his choice to continue drinking and letting his parents run his life, then why doesn't he just go do it? Why keep coming back? Why not let go and drink and let his parents care for him forever?
I just keep thinking, and I know alcoholism makes no sense. But the let go and let God part is the most confusing for me, as God is wonderful and beutiful and this whole situation is horrible and ugly.
Ok...let's see if I can make some sense here. First of all, you can equate gardening to doing footwork and working the steps. The weeds could be character defects or alcoholism...either works. Letting Go and Letting God is a matter of interpretation when it comes to weeds and depends on the affect you are looking for. The weeds can be considered character defects that we need to pull up and ask God to take away as we would when we work steps 6 or 7. If we consider the weeds as our alcoholic...we can leave them (Let Go and Let God) and eventually they will grow into something while not quite "golf course beautiful" but something still beautiful in a natural way. Gardening can be likened to asking God, "Do I let this grow where it is (as we would our alcoholic) or do I pull it up (like our character defects) and replace it with something more beautiful. Another option is to find a balance between the weeds and the pretty flowers that you want to grow. Can you give a certain amount of weeds ( the alcoholic or the character defects) to God and then by doing some footwork(gardening) with beautiful flowers (attitude, and alanon tools) and allowing the alcoholic to grow in his own way?
There are many ways to look at this and I appreciate the opportunity to share on this. Thank you Jeanie. SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
quote: Originally posted by: bob6502 " If we consider the weeds as our alcoholic...we can leave them (Let Go and Let God) and eventually they will grow into something while not quite "golf course beautiful" but something still beautiful in a natural way. "
I guess the part that really scares me is that I believe he will not grow, it will go back to his parents providing him with the beer, doing everything for him, paying for everything including that lethal weapon car of his that he drives drunk in continuously. He will not grow he will wither and die, or smash up in the car and take others with him.
Awesome share..... I have and can relate and have come to realize that it is when I am ONLY at a place in my life that I can honestly say, I DON'T KNOW what else to do and I've done ALL that I can that I discover God working in my life with unexpected events or help that comes along suddenly during this time. Being able to reflect on these moments when chaos sets in again and again and again is the reason why I can always come back to God. There are two particular scriptures I have memorized when I just don't know anymore and I've given all I have to give to my children or anyone else and they are the following:
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
"Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil." Matthew 6:34
Right now especially these scripture readings are what I am holding onto more than ANYTHING, as I KNOW God is with me. My daughter who has had a seizure disorder since she was 12, but stable for the last three years-- turning 17 in a couple of months has in the past 4 months became completely irrate, cutting school and the final straw was yesterday, where the school principal contacted me at work to inform me that the police were at school because my daughter had a friend bring alcohol to school and decided to cut their 4th period class to drink, in which she had blood alcohol content of .04. Well, this is it for me-- I'm about to wash my feet of this and allow her to suffer the consequences of her actions, as she needs to be in court on June 2nd, a fine of almost $400 paid for underage drinking and IF she does not meet the conditions, she could go to jail. Ironically, her father who I have now been away from for 9 years (THANK GOD) just went to jail himself for almost 100 days for receiving several OWI's over the last two years.
It's amazing how he can tell her she needs to behave one way, yet do the exact same thing--- I know one thing for CERTAIN though. I am DONE!!! :))) I love her, but this is HER choice. I have spent thousands of dollars in counseling over the last 9 years since my divorce, having divorced their Dad so both children have a chance at learning a healthier lifestyle and to make better choices. Unfortunately, she has chosen to be influenced by the negative side of this world.
My Pastor offered to go to court with her and I when the time comes if I'd like, knowing I have nobody positive in either my family OR my childrens (their Dad's family) My friends are all far away and so it's really just me-- actually, let me take that back. It's God with me. :))) Don't know what I'd do without Him in my life. There are a couple of other scripture readings I'd like to share since this is what allows me to gain strength with all this influence of the world that affects each of us, our children, the alcoholics in our life and any other negative aspect that occurs. I will ALWAYS TRUST IN ONLY THIS.... They are as follows:
God "knows the plans He has for us. Plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29: 11
And the other is what I find most interesting because it is ultimately what I believed my entire life-- EVEN BEFORE I knew anything about who God was, about scripture and frankly hadn't even believed a God existed. I KNEW that despite our family being our family that we do not have to tolerate any type of abusive behavior or disrespect and if it meant walking completely away from our family, then that is what was necessary. Then I came to discover God in my life and all that was strengthen, as I learned that NOBODY should be put above God in our life-- Not our mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, daughters, sons.... God is to be first and then all else will fall into place. I also learned that if we set our sites on earthly goals, desires and dreams that chaos is bound to arise and peace is lost.
Luke 12:49-52 (Jesus said), "I came to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism to receive, and how distressed I am until it is over! Do you suppose that I came to bring peace to the world? No, not peace, but division. From now on a family of five will be divided, three against two and two against three. Fathers will be against their sons, and sons against their fathers; mothers will be against their daughters, and daughters against their mothers; mothers-in-law will be against their daughters-in-law, and daughters-in-law against their mothers-in-law."
I believe this is EXACTLY why so many people, including myself continue to repeat the cycle of abuse in relationships or choose UNHEALTHY relationships because ultimately when someone decides to leave an unhealthy relationship, they essentially are still STUCK in the relationship with their family because most of us (NOT ME ANY LONGER), but most of us, think we are supposed to be accepting of our parents, brothers, or sisters, and set aside our feelings (DETACH) Well, of course when that happens then we are STILL accepting of living a life with this behavior and the people WE choose to be around-- in turn, our next relationship will result once again the same as all others. I say BS to it all. God has a plan for my life and it is definitely not for others to abuse me, nor for me to be unequally yoked, bound to ANYONE that is NOT a believer of God.... For ONE important reason. We are not to be unequally yoked to anyone or anything. :)))
There is ALWAYS ONE thing I can be certain of-- that this life is about God, not about me, nor anyone else.... Knowing that, I focus on eternal life will I will reap the rewards of my suffering and endurance here in this world, that is under the rule of Satan. I look forward to my time back home and as a mother giving birth to a child enduring the pain so that a beautiful baby is a result of that pain, the same holds true in our lifetime here... As Jesus suffered pain from ridicule and people just because he was comforting, gentle, and kind to others (as most of us are here suffering in trying to love people who are disrespectful, inconsiderate, unkind and abusive to us) we face the SAME pain and suffering. Knowing that we suffer as Jesus did should give us reassurance that God is in control and that there is MUCH more to what we see in our lives than we realize. Think about it, years ago when Jesus was crucified-- did ANYONE know then what it would do for us now? The fact that Jesus suffered because of people here in this world-- the same suffering we go through, we can be sure that God is waiting for us too as He waited for Jesus.
