The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So tonight I got the courage to try and talk to my husband about many things that have been weighing on my mind. It always takes me so long to build up the courage because it never turns out well and I usually wind up crying. So I figured with my new tools and new understanding that I would just bite the bullet and try. I just asked if we could talk and he instantly shut me down with a "NO". The old me would have pressed the situation and I told him that I would just let it go and that was that. However for me I have many things that I would like to say to him but figure that he does not want to listen and I will not fight and that he would just put me on "egnore" like always. I am not mad which is unusual but still would like to talk. I feel like I live with a stranger and exchange pleasentries as we ocasionally pass each other in the hallway or kitchen. So here I am wondering what my HP is telling me and tonight I will say a special prayer for extra guidance because I have no clue as to what direction I am to go???
Well enough of that!!! My doctor called tonight about my test results and some were NOT GOOD! Another trip to the hospital tomorrow! I will be the happiest woman if I were to never have to go to the hospital again or see one for that matter. Now I have all these tests I have to under go. Ultrasounds and such. Checking my kidneys and my cysts that I have. Who would have thought a fairly healthy 28 yr olds body would shut down so much. All the prayers and support I have recieved have really pulled me through some heart wrenching times and I am truely greatful!!
I hope your hospital visit goes well, and it will be great if you get your wish. I am praying you do.
Keep taking it one day at a time, and keep fighting. You have had to deal with so much, good news has to come and soon.
As for your husband as hard as it might be, try and not let his indifference get to you. It probably has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. I know when a selfish person and we all know A's are selfish has to focus on someone elses crisis it is usually more than they can handle. Whether it is from guilt or fear or who knows what else. It doesn't matter. At this point his feelings are not important. Your energy needs to be focused on you, your feelings and your health. Keep positive thoughts and lean on your HP, all of us here and anyone else who will focus on you.
Hi jj and thanks for sharing where you are right now...that is so helpful for me. I found it very encouraging that you did not "force" a confrontation/conversation/solution with your husband. And I am very sorry to hear that you are stuck in such a sad place with him. I've been there and it is not a good place to be.
I hope your tests go well jj!
Thanks again for sharing and hugs and warmth you you jj!
So sorry to hear of your health issues. Hope that everything works out ok. I know As are not very helpful in such matters. They can't handle the stress. My A ended up relapsing and not being so there for me when I had my hysterectomy back the end of December. But I came through it as I am sure you will. Lean on us your friends and your HP.
Smart move , letting the conversation end on a pleasant note. It take them a split second to realize that it is about them and they don't do them well. hehe The time to take care of you is now. this is the only body u got so take care of it, do the tests try and stay positive and don't worry til u know u have something to worry about. Hard to do I know.
But I have learned that God never gives us more than we can handle and things go much easier if you take him to the docs office with you. i have found out that God travels to many distant places and is only a "are u here God" away.Never alone again does not just mean the fellowship of Al-Anon to me.
Keep your expectations low with hubby and you will be ok , come here tell those of us who understand how u feel . Expecting an A to understand is a set up i used to put myself thru regularly. I read a one liner that solved that for me along time ago. Going to an A for emotional support is like going to a hardware store for aloaf of bread. Sad but true.
This is a very selfish disesease and if the A is still not sober , he really is incapable of loving anyone the way we need and deserve. alcohol is like a mistress only this one we can't win.
Keep the focus on yourself and you will be just fine .
Sorry to hear about your bad news, I thought things were going so well. I'm sending extra prayers your way.
As for your hubby, I agree, his feelings aren't important right now. It's time for you to take care of you. If you have friends who can help, all the better.
I am still saying prayers for you. Hang in. My 20 year old daughter's body did that strange high white count too. They did ulstrasound, cat scan etc. then surgery. Took her appendix which was healthy. WE still don't know what happened. Only guesses. You know you have lots of support and lots of prayers coming your way. I do believe they helped my daughter too :) I wonder if it would help to talk to your hubby sort of like a child by saying,,,,I need to talk to you,,,,Would it be better for you for us to talk now or later after the kids go to bed? When they feel they have a choice they tend to cooperate better. Well, it is worth a try. This way his NO is not so controlling either. Just a thought.
Take care and please keep us updated. your friend,,,,((((Hugs))))) cdb
Dear jj, I'm sooo sorry your doc had bad news for you. Just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers.
I know some people are so used to having all the focus on them and the whole world revolving around them, they don't know how to handle it when someone else needs THEM to BE strong! I pray your hubby will come around! If he doesn't, don't forget to do what I told you to in the beginning :) teehee.
I was in a very bad accident with my A (he had been drinking), and he needed surgury. I was so worried about him, I ignored my own pain from a broken vertebrae in my back. The focus remained on him so totally for several years (he was told he'd never walk again). The accident didn't stop his drinking and driving, he got a DUI and lost his license for a year, after that, so guess who chuffered him everywhere for a year. He fell off a deck(while drunk) and re-injured himself, had another operation with 'yours truly' babying him & waiting on him hand and foot. Then, about a year later the d*mn fool fell off a lawn chair(while drunk) and needed a third operation! That time I saw just who was the bigger fool, told him he knew who was to blame, and he was on his own. I picked him up at the hosp., and dropped him off at his own house(cottage) to look after himself! He asked me who was going to look aftter him? I told him to hire a nurse!
I worked with him for 5 years, good $$, but plenty pain!! This year, I quit my job, I just couldn't take any more pain! Now, since my DUH brain finally figured out that no-one but me was going to look after me, I decided that I'm never going to go through that kind of pain again! Yesterday, I went to the woods with him to cut and pile wood. Last night, I was sore like I hadn't been in a long while, so didn't go back with him today. I finally started to put MY focus on ME !!
It's such a shame that your hubby isn't being 'there' for you when you need it sooo much right now!! I just wanted you to know that your friends here are praying for you, and are 'here' for you! Take care of yourself and I'm praying lots of prayers for you!!
This is such a wonderful place to come to, I know I sure wish I had found it years ago!! People here are so warm and compassionate. They understand what you're going through as so many have been where we have been or are at. Keep coming back, let us know how you are making out. Love, TLC
I was at the hospital yesterday doing more test and he phoned first thing this morning to give me my results..... Tey came back NEGATIVE!!!! YEEHAA!!! So the new infection has cleared up and I just have the original ones to deal with. Thanks for your prayers!!!
Now the next thing is the ultra sounds on my kidneys and cysts just to make sure. I have never had problems with my kidneys before but it sure does take a long time for them to quit hurting. This whole thing is so bizzare but one day at a time and one thing at a time and I will be back to new!!!
My husband well I have learned from my mistakes and I am just keeping everything to me and thoes who are supporting me. I slicked up my back and everything is sliding off rather nicely!!
Thank you so much for all of your support. I love all of you in a very special way!!
Thank-you HP!!! I'm so happy that you are doing so much better!! I lost a kidney when I was about 16 or 17 (so long ago, I can't remember, teehee). When I lost my kidney, my other one got larger. I saw it on a MRI a year or so ago, IT IS HUGE!!! Isn't nature wonderful? HP truely performs miracles. So try not to worry too much (easy to say, Huh?) I have been enjoying great health as far as kidneys are concerned, for many, many years.
Good to see your focus is on you! Keep up the good work, many,many prayers still heading your way!! Lots of Love and TLC to you. TLC
