The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
To live and let live is really the key for me. I am not saying that it is easy, and that I can always respond that way to everything that happens. Yet, I try to put it into practice each day.
My son wanted to come over tomorrow, and bring his new girlfriend. He asked me if that would be alright. I told him that we could work something out the following day. This morning I spoke to my husband, and he nearly hit the roof. The answer was NO AND NO AGAIN!! I thought to myself, what can I do? I thought if I practice the Live and Let Live, I will respect his wishes. Afterall, the house belongs to both of us, and I thought that I will just tell my son the truth. I am stopping!! to try and be the peacemaker, because it never works. I am going to let him assume the consequences of his own actions. I will ask my son if he wants me to go to his place, or if he wants me to meet with his girlfriend for a coffee somewhere. Every day I read four Al-anon books, and read a prayer for detachment, and I think of my sons ,in the Light of the HP. Thanks for being there, and for listening.
Teddybear, good for you. Sounds like a reasonable solution. You certainly can't control how your husband feels about your son and the situation. It doesn't mean that you can't do what you think is right. How wonderful that you are reading the material and working on you. It really shows in your posts and how you are dealing with life. Your love and positive attitude shines for all of us to see and feel. Love and peace to you and your family. Annie
There are truly two parts to that slogan, both "Live" and "Let Live". By making sure you still saw your son, and met his girlfriend, you are holding to the "Live" part, and by not insisting that your husband shared the experience, you honour the "Let Live". Good job!
I too think you handled your situation so nicely. You respected your husband and honored your son's wishes too. I hope they both know how lucky they are to have you in their lives and valuing their opinions.
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you so much for your positive comments. I have been blessed by people who surround me with their wonderful examples of how to live my life, and to find happiness.
I have a sponsor, and I sponsor three people. I am so blessed in my life to have found those people who have helped me to change the script of my own life. Anyone can learn, and I am still learning through others who share their stories with me.
I belive in the HP, and I pray every day for peace and serenity. This morning, I was telling my husband that resentment only hurts us, because the person that we resent could not care less about how we feel. I will share the outcome of what happened afterall in the following posts.
If I can do it, so can you or anyone else who really wants to change their life. You are very important to me, because it is through each other that we grow. It is like a large chain of love, compassion, and empathy that we will find peace. Thanks for being there, and for being a source of light in my life.
Thank you so much for your validation. I do the best that I know how to do, and it is the sharing, and the caring for each other, that helps all of us to grow, and become stronger.
This afternoon, my son called and I told him that I would meet him, and his girlfriend for a cup of coffee. I told him that his father was not ready to meet his girlfriend yet. After I hung up the phone, my husband asked me if our son was coming for supper on Sunday? I said no, because he was staying with his girlfriend. He said, what is the problem? tell him to invite her. I felt so happy, and very surprised, because I did not expect that response.
It just goes to show, that when we Let Go and Let God (HP) miracles really do happen. Thank you for answering my post, and for being a part of the circle of love.
I appreciate your post very much!! I am not Cathy. In the past, there was a mix up between the teddybears. We had worked it out, yet I have been away from this message board for a while, and I just wanted you to know.
Thank you for your postive, and caring comment. I think that I am very lucky also, to have all the wonderful, and caring friends on this message board. Thanks for caring, and for being there!!
my experience with things like this is a bit of a twist compared to yours. i am only sharing this to share my experience with this type of thing. i have older kids, too, and whenever i invite someone over without telling my a first, he blows a gasket. then later, when i tell them 'not tonite' or whatever, he says...'well, arent they coming? tell them to come on over.' for him, it's all an issue of power and control. if it's MY idea....or my KIDS' idea and i agree, and i dont 'ask' him first, he flips out. but then, later, he turns it around to be HIS idea....then it's ok.
i think he knows in his heart that he has no problem with them coming over, but since he isnt the one instigating it, and isnt the one in control...he flips out. then he calms down, and turns it around so that it IS his idea...and all is well...
of course, the kids i am referring to are his step-kids, and not his own. maybe that has something to do with it. and i feel like, my kids can come over any time they want. if he has a problem with it...well....too bad. this is as much my home as his, and they are my children, and i would never turn them away.
i hope this doesnt mess you up and confuse you. it's just that i could really relate to your situation, and just wanted to share how those types of things go for me.
i'm so glad things turned out so well for you, tho! and i hope you all had a really nice time together!
I appreciate your response to my post. When I read your post, it brought back a memory, of when I went to visit my father, and his wife, who was my husband's mother. Usually, before we would visit them we would call. The time I am referring to, we did not, and my father was very upset, and we did not feel welcome. I felt really hurt.
I did not have Al-anon in those days, and I know now, that I would not have felt the same hurt as I did then.
Could you think of a way that you could approach your husband differently, let him think that he does have some control over the situation? Eventhough, my sons are our children, sometimes my husband feels left out. Women usually organize suppers, and outing more often than men. Possibly, your husband may only feel left out. Men are sometimes very sensitive, and do not want to show it. You could try some different approaches with him, and in the end everyone will feel happy.
On Saturday, I wanted to go and find a place, because on Wednesday I have an appointment, and I like to know where I am going before. I said to him, that I would call a friend, and ask her to come with me, unless, of course he wanted to come with me. I said, that I knew he was busy with his paper work, and that I did not want to bother him. He said, I will go with you, and we can do some errands at the same time. I have noticed that when I give him the freedom to decide, he has a good attitude with me. Believe me!! this behaviour is new, and I am very happy about it. Like they tell us at meetings, CHANGING THE THINGS WE CAN CHANGE. It is really working, you might like to experiment too. All the best, and ask your HP to guide and help you, and I know that all things are possible. These are only my experiences, and possibly it might give you some other ideas too. All the best, and keep the faith!!
Thanks for being there, and for letting me remember. Sometime, I have it, and sometimes, I don't. It is all about changing my old tapes, because they no longer help me.
