The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband and I were just sitting over coffee waking up. He started to tell me about a grandmother's ring that his favorite bar owners wife just received from her kids. He desribed it and said how nice it was. I got up and went to my jewelry box and placed in front of him a grandmother ring with both my grandboys birth stones and engraved names. He just looked at me like he was lost. I've had the ring for 2 years. Well I got angry and said he knew more about them than about me. Now we are both upset. I guess I still haven't learned to be quiet.Hope my books get here soon. Thanks for listening. Instead of saying anything else, I got up and came straight to you all. Thanks again XOXOXOXOX whatif
Whatif, I don't think you are losing it at all. You made a point to your husband and expressed your feelings about what he said. To me, that is very important. I suppressed negative feelings about what my A said or did for years. I should have expressed them on the spot just like you did. I totally embrace the saying, "Say what you mean, but don't say it mean."--which I, of course, don't always follow but I think it is a great way to express our feelings and concerns. Keep up the great work and continue to think of YOU. Love and peace to you and your family. Annie
It's hard, isn't it, to see how they have missed out on the real life that is going on around them, all these years. My kids and I have made a tradition of making and decorating Christmas cookies together every year since the oldest was two, and the youngest not even born. They are now 15 and 13. It's a great fun time, spread out over a couple of days, taking many hours, and usually involving lots of noise and laughter. Not a secret, by any means. This year, my husband walked through the kitchen as I was just finishing the cleaning up, and remarked "This is starting to become a tradition isn't it? You've done this before." It broke my heart, to see how a real life has been going on around him, and he was so wrapped up in his addiction, and in himself, that he hasn't even noticed.
No you're not losing it. It is just how the disease of alcholism affects our loved ones.
For the past 5 months my "A" and I have made pizza every Saturday. We eat it with the kids on the living room floor and we all watch a movie together. He helps make the dough every other Saturday. It calls for 2 Tbs of oil. Now today when I went to make it. I noticed that all the oil was gone. He said I used it the other night. And he wondered why I needed it. He swears that you don't need it to make the dough. He has used it, but doesn't remember.
My "a" does things all the time that I can't explain. I just got to let go.
Keep Coming Back,
DolphinLur
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I do not think you are losing it at all...I lived with and loved an A for 17 yrs . I made him my whole world
I so wanted to believe in the kind of once in a lifetime forever love i read about and dealt with in my work as an actor and a singer ...and I did love him that way. He could make my heart flip over at 100 paces for over 15 yrs
However....did i NOTICE when he ignored my birthday ? When he missed his 5 yr olds Birthday coz eh was dirnking in the bar ? When he bought my Christmas present for yrs at 4:30 PM on Christmas eve from the same jeweler ...w/ very little thought ?
You bet I did
Did I notice that on our last Christmas "together" he bought gifts for his BARTENDERS and NOT for ME ? I sure did *sighs*
In my case , the disease won, it got the best of me , it almost killed me . He refused to go back to AA after 8 yrs w/out a drink and chose the booze over me (as he had done thousands of times in the past ...) its just that ...one day ....after 17 yrs of the "losing battle" I conceded the War. I told him to leave. He wanted to
Yesterday was hos 55th birthday ...I have no contact w/ him ... I have no idea if he is OK I DO know he is drinking and blaming me and hiding income he is supposed to share with me
I fear I am not being bery helpful ...Im sorry
I have seen alanon save many a marriage
I went to alanon from 86 , for 4 years before my A got sober and went to AA ...we lasted another 8 yrs (technically 11 , but the last 3 not happy , he was drinking)
He was simply absolutely UNwilling to get help , I knew one of us was gonna die , and I decided to fight for my life and see what happened.
I think , we tend to have great sympathy for a person who is in new sobriety , early recovery
but go easy on yourself , it is a gentle program ...you are in New Recovery , too and it sounds like you are doing GREAT
I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, I HAVE DONE THE SAME THING WITH MY A, THOUGH I HAVE LEARNED TO THINK ABOUT MY WORDS , AND CHOSE THEM WITH CARE, THOUGH I STICK TO BEING HONEST ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I JUST TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHATEVER THE TOPIC OR SITUATION IS, AND IM AS HONEST AS I CAN, I SPEAK AS CALMY AS I CAN MANAGE, THOUGH FOR ME, SOMETIMES THATS REALLY HARD! I GET HYPER SPAZTIC lol! NOT A WORD I KNOW.} WHEN MY EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING IN HIGH GEAR.
BUT I DONT HIDE HOW I FEEL EITHER. I DONT KNOW IF THIS HELPS, OR HINDERS YOU, IM SORRY IF IT DOES NOT HELP. JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE WITH YOU.
