wow--sounds like a lot on your plates! What i hav heard hear is no one cdan call anyone else an Addict unless they  admit it themselves. but al-anon is for those who are troubled by anothers drinking/drugging and there they find the tools to deal with like on many levels whether they choose to stay in the relationship or not. Staying is something that many of us do and some do not, also. Often I see them back yrs. later wishing they had not left before the miracles began to happen in their lives though.

It is suggested to try working the program for yourself and your serenity for a good spell before making big decisions like staying or leaving--huge when kids r involved. Please -Please come into the online meetings & call the 800 number for local face to face meetings too, you will hear many many many important tools for coping with alcoholism/addiction or problem drinking & I promise u will not regret coming. see schedule they are online at 9 am and pm and also on weekends two per day. You can just lesten -read-if u don't want to share at first. I know u will find strength & wisdom and support like nowhere else---to deal with this and often by our changing the way we react to the Alc. they find that they must change or begin to look in mirror atleast--but we go for us and admit that we cannot really change them they must do the work themselves.

During chat time you will have the opportunity (before or after any meeting online or in person) to ask questions that are specific to your situation and get some idea of what others have found helpful. When children R involved it really gets scary and sticky---I have had addicted loved ones that I was scared for committed to programs against their will -often it does not work, unfortunately. (but it was something I had 2 try) But the situations & relationships have all changed and improved because in Al-anon I learned what I was doing that unconsciously was supporting the addict's habit and behaviors.

I am sad for you both, but very excited that you have asked for help--the journey will be simple in many ways but also very hard at times and support is crucial if u really want things to improve for all involved.-------Al-anon works when we work it so come to meetings and liten ask any and all questions during chat time.  We R here for eachother in special ways.

My best to you--prayers for grandson,

With Love  Luv 123