The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night I decided I should control certain aspects of my life thinking it would make my life easier. For example, how my room looks, which is usually messy, and now I have decided to try and control how clean it is. The next thing I was going to control was my school life, meaning how well I did in school. Comments wanted please.
Well good for you. Taking control of certain aspects of your life can be very powerful.
When I was in high school I ran cross country and track, I was good but not great.
The summer prior to my senior year I decided to train all summer, no one told me to do it, I just decided to run 6-12 miles a day and also do speed workouts.
Well that year I kicked butt. I had empowered myself to do better.
I think alanon teaches us to do things better too.
When my husband was drinking I used to sit around the house waiting for something to happen.
I grew weary of this and took up mountain biking. Then I found alanon and broadened my horizons even farther. I enjoyed the NYC auto show 2 weeks ago without him...
I think spreading your wings and taking control of what you can - your room being clean and improvements to your schoolwork shows a great strength - Go for it!
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I have always felt that controlling the things I do have control over does make life easier.
I have six children, so while it is not always easy a clean and neat house is a must for me. Things are easier to find, so you avoid the chaos of missing items and if you keep to a schedule (as best possible) and clean it regularly, it only takes a short time to maintain it each day.
My kids tease me that putting it off won't hurt, but they too like an organized home. We also have regularly scheduled laundry time for everyone. If an emergency arrises we adapt. There is also a sense of satisfaction and pride at keeping evrything tidy and looking nice.
As far as school, there is a lot to be said for doing your best possible all of the time. Your school or work performance is yours and it too should give you a sence of pride and accomplishment.
I don't feel you are acting controlling by cleaning your room and taking charge of your grades, those are your things to control. Not to sound glib, but my HP has never cleaned my house, but he has given me the strength and energy to do it. You seem to just be taking responsibility for your own life and space, and I believe that is a good thing. Just remember in life we have to allow for a little flexibility, and don't be too hard on yourself. To borrow an Alanon slogan, progress, not perfection.
In a world where so much is out of our control, taking charge of the things that are ours and controling them gives us release from the chaos around us.
Way to go !!!! Congrats on your new attitude! Alanon and AA work in all aspects of life. Taking control of your own life in a mature manner will make a big difference in your future. I am glad you came here, you show such growth. I only wish I had found Alanon many years ago. Taking charge of keeping your room clean will give you a sense of self-pride, something we all need. Keep up the good work, self-control is a huge step in the right direction. You have already discovered that you can't control any-one else's life, but you can make your own better, one step at a time!!
Long term goals are only met by are daily short term goals. All we can do for today is all we can do, but they build for tomorrow. You're doing GREAT! Work on yourself & what you can control! congrats for that.
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Come back when you need us, come back, we need you.
Your friend, ~De Anna~ 8-D
To me being in control is a mental thing. For example, it is up to me to decide if and when to clean my room. Do I want to clean it now or later? Do I choose to live in a clean room or messy one? Or, it is up to me if I want to listen to someone or not. Do I choose to listen to that person or walk away and talk to them another time? Even very young children need a sense of control in their life. That is why it helps to give them options. Do you want some raisins or some apple slices? It gives them a sense of control which helps them develop their personalities and how they respond to the world. So, in my life, it helps me to remember this. If we know we always have choices then we have a sense of control in our own lives. Just food for thought :) your friend, cdb
So nice to take control of our own lives isn't it, and it's ok to do so. Choices comes to mind from your share I have no control over others but there is alot I can do for myself. In Al-Anon I have learned to steer my own ship so to speak and if I screw up , fine there is always tomorrow and I have learned its never to late in the day to change my attitude. Enjoy your clean room . Louise
