The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husbands paycheck goes into our joint checking by direct deposit. I then transfer it to an account in my name only that he has no access to.
His father had spoken to me and said that he worries about the bills, so while he is with them, at least for now, I should take the whole pay, they will give him money to live, and I can pay the bills. I disagree with this, but it does make my life easier, and I can't change what they do. They told me to let them know if he was taking from me as well as them.
I went to transfer the money yesterday and half of it was gone. I called my Father In Law and told him about it, he said he would find out what was going on and get back to me.
Today he told me it was an attention getter. He said my husband wants to talk to me and figured if he grabbed the money, I would have to call him. It is worse than a child, she is ignoring me, so I have to do something even something bad to get her attention.
They told me he will not give the money back until I agree to talk to him. Well I have bills to pay and cannot afford to lose the money, so I guess I will have to speak to him.
His parents agreed with me about the negative attention, I told them, if he wants to talk, there are calm adult ways to do it. Be sober and calmly call and ask to speak with me.
Hi Jeannie - One more time you are being hit with typical alcoholic behavior and it is so frustrating - especially when you need his help for the kids.
I hope he can manage to be sober when you talk to him.
Please know that I feel for you and understand how hard it is for you and the kids.
Good luck - and lots of love and hugs to you all - Dot
Jeanne, nice to hear from you; I wondered how you were doing. Looks like your A is still trying to get your attention as you said. I hope all is well with you and your family. Thank you for sharing with us. Love and blessings, Annie
I have heard many times in Al-Anon that the A typically stops maturing at the time they become drinkers... This makes a lot of sense considering some of the behaviors I have experienced with my own A and heard about from others.
In similar situations, I build up resentments pretty quick for my A. It doesn't take long for me to truly become angry (generally in a passive agressive way), which only results in hurting myself more.
I hope you can let this situation be handled by your HP and that your husband is sober when you talk. Perhaps a new boundary needs to be set regarding finances and talking to each other? Sounds like his parents are still keeping him from having the dignity of his own decisions by giving him money. I know they want to help you but it seems like someone with cash won't necessarily find their bottom..
This is just my Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and hugs, Jessi
__________________
If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.
Jeanne, huggs to you. You have gone through so much and I think of you often. I agree with every one else and I hope that your HP looks after you and that the inevitable talk with your husband goes good.
I will keep you and your kids in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi, In the begining, my husband was draining all of the money from our accounts and taking money from his parents as well as borrowing from them against his next paycheck.
His parents will not stop giving to him, I have begged them to. Since I cannot change what tehy do, I agreed to accept this have him leave the household money alone.
He has not dignity. They do everythng but brush his teeth for him, even though they are old and sickly. They drive him places, cook for him and bring his meals to him in bed, call his boss and get him out of work, take him to a quack Dr who gives him notes for everything.
They do his laundry, clean his room, make him breakfast and his lunch to take to work, as well as warm up his car for him in the morning.
They have told me repeatedly that as long as there is a breath left in them, he will never hit bottom.
They will not change, and he doesn't want them to.
Just read your last post and the first thing that came to mind is that your husbands parents surely do not understand!!! "as long as they have breath left in them, he will not hit bottom" He needs to hit his bottom and when he does it might be the one event that might save him from his own distruction. It is too bad!
What a shame! They don't seem to want to let him 'grow up'. It sure must be hard for you, with them taking him two steps backward when you're trying to take get him to take one step forward!! My prayers are with you! Love TLC
My jaw hit the floor and is still that way! As long as they have breath in them they will not let him hit bottom...wow! Thank God you are getting healthier and healthier. At least you know that hubby is playing a very childish game too. I feel that knowledge is power and as long as you have the knowledge you do, it should give you the ability to make positive, healthy choices. Even when you meet or talk to him, you will be choosing what to say and how to respond. I would think that would be a very empowering feeling. Plus, knowing that you can come back here for continued support! :) I am rooting for you! Your HP/God seems to be guiding you so strongly now. You continue to be an inspiration to me! (((((())))hugs cdb :)
Annie
Take what you like and leave the rest.