The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tomrrow is my pre trial, once again my life has been turned upside down, and my guts inside out. 31 years married and my husband becoming an A and walking out to what I call his "drinking career". This is alcoholism at its finest. I would have never thought in a million years that my life would be as it is now, fighting for my rights , and my future as we had so many plans for the future together. I am scared, cant sleep, as fear/worry/sadness envelope my whole inner being and soul at this time. I was "hanging in there" til now and as the 11th hour decends upon my future I sit and think"still" how did it get this bad? And the why's,,etc. Support within this alanon group is greatly needed at this time, and I want to thank each and everyone of you who has taken the time to talk with me in my time of need. Some days as most of you have experienced I am sure,,,I think,,whats the use,,,there is no point,,I cant take it anymore, I cant take it anymore is exactly where I am today. Thanks for listening. gardengal
Just know that you are not alone. My 11th hour will start June 1 after 31 years of marriage.
There just has to be pain that goes with the joy. That seems to be a given. And it really isn't about you but it is about them, the disease, their self concept and how they cope. We truly are powerless. Don't let him choose your reality. And there is a point to all of this and it is our lives as human beings.
So can you try doing small significant things for yourself? I thought that I would never sleep again. I started meditating in the morn and evening; what did I have to lose? And now I can sleep better than I have in years. Can you call friends and go to f2f meetings? I have never put the little ((()))) on a greeting before but I did today for you. And it feels good to give you the support that you need and desire.
It is so hard to take the steps needed to sort out our lives.
I am proud of you for where you are at.
You have helped me so much by my reading your posts.
There is a point and that point is you. We need you here and you need yourself back. It;s there, I've read it and enjoyed seeing your growth, your example is a fine one.
take care...
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
My divorce was final Tuesday. The court appearance was much dreaded beforehand..and I was really afraid of how I was going to be. But let me tell you that it went better than I expected in that I did better than I imagined I would be able to.. This accomplishment I do not take credit for. I give all credit to my HP, God, and to the program of alanon. I had so many friends there with me from this program. No, they weren't literally there with me...but I felt them none the less. I knew they were thinking of me and I knew they were praying for me. And everytime I would start to feel myself slipping down I would think of something someone here had said to me and I was able to smile at times, and to feel better. To feel hope. To know that no matter what, my family of choice would be there after to love and support me. And they are! And we are here for you gg....thinking of you now..and we will be thinking and praying for you tomorrow!
Keep focusing on your HP and your program tomorrow! All will be as it will be, whether we worry ourselves sick about it or not.
I will pray for you to have some peace tonight so that you can rest for tomorrow!
I've been wondering where you've been. I have missed you but now I understand. Please stay with us especially during your struggles. We love you and are here to listen and dilute the ism thinking.
I shared this poem with another friend who's struggling with loss and I hope it will help you to see that "limbo" loss is the worst because you are in between.
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My life has fallen down around me before -- lots of times, for lots of reasons -- usually other people. And most of the time I was fortunately enought to have a large lump of that life hit me on the head and render me numb to the pain and desolation that followed. And I survived. And I live to love again.
But this, this slow erosion from below -- or within -- it's me falling down around my life because you're still in that life -- but not really. And you're out of that life -- but not quite.
I do all right alone, and better together, but I do very poorly when semi-together.
In solitude, I do much; in love, I do more, but in doubt I only transfer pain to paper in gigantic Passion Plays complete with miracles and martyrs and crucifixions and ressurections.
Come to stay or STAY AWAY. This series of passion poems is becoming a heavy cross to bare.
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This is from "How to Survive the Loss of a Love," I truly hope it helps you see that HP has a much better plan for you.
Maria 123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I was sorry I could not be at the meeting tonight to encourage you and support you
I had to work
You have been in my thoughts and prayers all day and will be in my prayers tonight and in the morning
I know you can do this
I believe HP DOES have a plan for you
I believe HP will be right there in that Court room looking over the proceedings and helping the Judge see the truth of this situation and your needs .
I believe HP WILL take care of you
When I went to Court , I actually went into the ladies room and got on my knees to pray
I also imagined God'd hand on my left shoulder .. so when it got really hard I would put my right hand on my shoulder and hold hands w/ God ... it wa slike a lil hug
no one knew what it meant but me and God
I will be with you in spirit praying right through tomorrow ... and we will be here when these steps have been walked to support you in the next new baby steps
My love and prayers are with you GG. Don't forget,all your MIP friends are with you all the way. Please don't crawl into your shell (that's the pot calling the kettle black). We all need you and your wisdom and will share in your pain and the rebuilding of your life. Stay strong, we'll help you through it. Love TLC
I can actually hear your pain. I will pray for you to find your way thru whatever you are going thru.
In ODAT May3rd, there is a story of a woman's crisis. During her crisis, she continue to do the things she would normally do if the crisis hadn't occurred.
One day I was in a very low moment. I wanted to dwell on it, cry, & give up. The I remembered the May 3rd ODAT story. So, I cried for an hour or so, to recognize and accept my feelings, to let them out. Then I read my lit, then I functioned as I would if nothing had occurred. I took care of myself first by running, then the kids & dogs. Yes, those problems were still there, but I will not feed them. After all of that, well, I wasn't happy, you might even say I was still feeling low, but I no longer had the energy to dwell on it, I no longer wanted to cry (for I had let myself do that already), and I no longer wanted to give up.
I think I'm just about as anxious as you!!! I've checked the room for you several times today, asked id anyone has seen you, said many prayers for you......What happend????
I can't stand it!!
Christy (Cjo)
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I want to thank you all so very much for all your support, and caring. I made it through this hurdle with the kindness and understanding of people like you. Your messages meant so much to me when I read them. Altho, we are people who type, come from all walks of life, different backgrounds and different parts of the world, I cannot express the commonadry and togetherness we share in this chat room and message board. Lies and more lies were spewed in front of the judge. I just hope he saw all of that. I cried,, explained my situation, my circumstances. I did the best I could. That is all that I could do. They were kind enough to allow my sister to sit with me, which was comforting. We are to go again April 19th, and hopefully things will be sorted out then, as I am truly not wanting to go to trial. I am exhausted. So that is about it for now,,,talk to you all soon. From the bottom of my heart ,,,,,,thanks
Hi GG....just wanted you to know that although I am new to this message board I have attended several on-line meetings where you have shared or been there when you have been chatting with others. Your compassion for others is obvious and I wanted you to know that you can get through this even if it is just a minute at a time.
Know that your "family" loves and supports you (((((((hugs)))))))
I am glad you feel such support and love. I will continue to say prayers for you! Even though I haven't been around much, I still think of you and everyone else here who has given me the same kind of support. cdb :) Keep us updated.
Glad to hear you made it through it. Hopefuly the judge will be able to get fact and fiction straight. Hang in there, lean on your HP to get you through this. In the long run, truth usually holds out.
You are in my prayers that the next session goes well for you, and you find some peace.
((((((((((((((GG))))))))))))))))))Hope all went well I was praying for you hope you are taking care of you You always have good advice for fellow roomies just listen to your heart you can make it ODAT Love cloud
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