The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like I never have good news to report when I come here and feel as though I should since my husband has finally come out of treatment.
No, not gonna happen. He has started all the same stuff he was doing before he left, only I truly believe without the help of booze. He has been home for less than a week and is already staying at his mothers house. I dont know why. No one did anything to push him out of here. We have all been more than understanding and accomodating. He told a friend it is too hard to be home.. .?? Too hard to be with the kids and wife who love you and waited for your return so longingly???? He won't even call me to give me the decency of an explanation and hasn't seen my eldest son in 2 days. He has been to the casino - slippery place - and blown $140 which I might add we dont have for him to blow..
I know I am supposed to give it up to hp but I am still too new at this and dont exactly know how to do that. I am afraid that I am losing him again and dont think I can bear round two. I know it is so soon to judge but it is so scary. I read about the dry drunk thing and that is exactly what he is doing.
Not sure if anyone has any words of wisdom but just a little insight would be so helpful to me at this once again so stressful time. Geez, I really thought it was behind us....how silly of me!
It is great that you posted here for help and encouragement. I will be saying prayers for you everyday just as I am right now. So many people here have lots to share. Keep on reaching out. I remember now that when I first came here I did not go to the chatroom much at all. I mostly just posted on the message board. With all my feelings of chaos and emotional turmoil, it worked better for me to post and read the replies. One day at a time. God Bless! cdb
I experienced the same sort of behaviour last year when my husband became sober for 5 months after a 7 month binge.
i could swear he was still drunk even though he was not.
I think their brains get addled from all the booze.
I used up a lifetimes worth of patience in those months.
I sure was happy he was sober but neither of us was used to it.
His arrogance continued, only now he was the sober King of the world.
Enjoy the good days.
For myself I don't feel I will ever have the husband that I met married and fell in love with back. Sober or drunk. I guess life brings changes and I need to accept them and tend my own garden
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Yes, mine too, was Sober King of the world for about a year. On Jan. 1st, I said we were not working as a couple. If he wasn't drinking, he may just as well have been. The 'isms" were there.
When he realized, I had had "an offer" from a gent in his bingeing times--he then agreed to get back to meetings on Jan 2nd, and is taking program seriously.
I think it's taken 14 months to get his brain out of hock and stinkin' thinkin'. Him working his program seriously --helps a lot!
Yep, sobriety is not fun... it is our decision to discern who we are left with....and if it will work.
I am hoping I can have a resemblence back of the guy I chose to marry, I know it won't be exactly the same.
On the other hand, "if you take the booze out of a horse thief, and you still have a horse thief" well, then I
will have more thinking to do. But right now, all is calm, and I'll take it!
Sorry about the casino thing, do what you have to protect you and the kids in this respect. I too am experiencing a newely dry wife, lol she seems more sober than I lately. Guess thats why I came here the day after she came home. Have had a ton of things runnin through my head but I realize that I gotta give her the time and space for her as she probably has alot she is trying to workout for herself. I'm sure it hurts that he has decided to stay elsewhere, but maybe he just needs to be alone with his thoughts for a bit and maybe not have to worry about the expectations he has for himself when at home,not necessarily anything you are doing or not doing. Keep comming, back hit some face to face meetings and don't worry about the bad news thing, if we all had good news we probably wouldn't be here, speak you're mind good or bad, thats how we learn and face whats goin on with us. Keep your spirits up.
Bad news may not always be bad if ya can take something positive from it.
I too find myself worried about tomorrow. I then keep telling myself what about today?!!
You're told to have faith & just let go, I know it's hard. I too want sooo much to know what will happen, but then I thought about it. The reason we can't see into the future is because we would never live in the present. So if the whole program is too new to you to absorb, try a little piece today. (like I won't look for the beer, or won't ask if he drank, etc.) Then also set a small goal just for yourself, (like run, read, paint your nails, exercise, dance, etc.) Also spend alittle extra time with your kids, if you feel the stress they do too! Teach them that no matter who we are, we all have problems, no one is perfect, and it's best to talk about it & address it (age appropriate) in positive ways. Today, just work with today. Each morning I wake up, I ask myself, "What will I do for myself today, then after that, I do for my family." But you first, your children need you now more than ever. If you don't take care of yourself, who's left to take care of them. Show them we all will encounter problems, but we can deal with them & still live a good life.
