The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Even with my husband living with his parents, the stress is starting to get to me.
His parents no longer are rude and nasty to me, they say they finally realize that he has a problem, and they want to fix it.
Now they stop by to check on things, bring things for the house, Tpaper, paper towels etc. I appreciate it, but each visit is also about making sure the kids and I do not move on without my husband. My Father-in-law is convinced I am seeing some "fella" as he puts it. Since I will not let my husband come home. He stops by as early as he can, in efforts to catch him here.
Not possible as he does not exist. I have six kids, a full time job, a part time job, a bunch of school committees, and a house to care for. Not to mention a bunch of pets. My idea of a night out is Walmart and coffee afterwords with a girlfriend. I can't imagine where this man thinks I would find the time or the energy, never mind the fact that I am married, still wear my rings, and have NO interest whatsoever in a new relationship. I went to an awards pizza party with my son, so I dressed up a little, (for me that means I didn't wear sweats) and put on makeup. My Father-in-law stopped over as we returned and I kept making comments, like, you look nice, why are you dolled up, why are you wearing makeup, are those boots new (maybe 5 years ago) I told him where we where, so did my son, and he wanted to know who was there. I walked away.
He also inspects my house and property. We currently have a code violation for a bunch of my husbands junk he had messed the yard up with. That is being blamed on the kids and I.
Every purchase I make, is about how I am spending my husbands money. My living room TV is going, so I went and priced new ones with the kids. He is insisting a small 13 inch will suffice. My husband does not want us to buy a new one. I found a good deal on a projection tv, and the kids really want it, I have been putting in a lot of extra hours, so I decided to do it for them. They told Poppop and he is having a fit, as I would not give my money to my husband so he could buy a used boat.
He is leaving me alone, but is making demands on his parents who in turn make them on me. They are still insisting that if they make me let him take the kids out, he will get help and stop drinking. I am tired of them bargaining with the kids being the prize.
They cater to his every whim, he drinks, spends their money and orders them around. Nothing I can do about that, that is their bussiness. But then I am under the microscope for everything I do. I keep telling them, I cannot stop his drinking and neither can they. They keep telling me, I am being spiteful and stubborn for not helping. Why am I giving up, and going back to the imagionary other guy.
I try to remain calm, go about my business, but everytime I see their car, or the phone rings, my stomach starts churning and I get a headache. It is taking a toll on me. I am considering, taking legal steps to give myself some peace, but I am not sure if I am ready, and I am afraid it will cause even more turmoil.
Wow, what an awful lot of stress you have. Good for you buying the big TV instead of the 13 inch. You work hard for your money and can for sure spend it on how you see fit.
Have you asked for his parents to attend an alanon meeting? They are now directly living with the insanity and unfortunately for you spilling it into your life.
The "imaginary other guy" sounds like his imagination has gone hog wild. I think they want you to take their insanse son back off THEIR hands - just my 2 cents.
Take care of you
megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I have asked them to go to Alanon, many times. They do not feel they need to, it has taken them a long time to admitt he has a probelm, but they do not feel that they do.
You are right about that they want him off their hands. It was fine for them to let him come over there hang out and drink then I had to clean up the mess, they don't like having to deal with it themselves. As far as the imagionary boyfriend, they seem to have the need to put all blame on me and none on him, this would make it possible.
it could be the parent are feeling a huge sence of failure after having him live there. and seeing how day to day life is with the son they raised. they may not feel they have a problem but i can bet the stress he is causing them is comparable to what he caused you. and at an advanced age can be much more detrimental to them. i agree the imaginary boyfriend is probably just a way to re direct any guilty feelings they may have to you. so they will have some one or a direction to point a finger at.
as far as the tv goes if you worked for it ...buy it. even if it takes some of his money. I doubt he would have bought a 13 inch. heck most of our monitors are bigger than that. i would think as long as the house and or children are not in need of anything else at the time the tv you buy is your bussiness. he has put himself in a position by choice that you are the one taking care of the children and the house and all involved. so you should be able to do as you see fit. if he wants this boat he can do as you did save or put in extra hours and go buy it.
most important find a way to deal with the stress. OI know first hand what it can do to you physicly and mentaly. it was a key factor in my having a heart attack at the age of 44. thats old to some but too young to die. especialy when it can be prevented.
Hi Jeannie, hang in there kid your doin great. In laws are a royal pain sometimes just smile it drives em nuts. hehe Parents are also probably a little ticked and worn out since your husb is now thier problem . Let the comments slide not worth the effort to justify who and what u do is your business, and enjoy the new tv.
