The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First, to all who have read my post on "I'm perfect, you're not".... Thanks for the replies. It was just how I felt. We all don't have the same thoughts, or feelings. I know what works for some, won't for others. That's what makes us unique. Again, I was just sharing how calling "My A" stirred up my emotions, & made me look at myself. If you've gained from it, I'm glad. If not, it was just my share. Thanks for reading it.
I have not found a sponser yet. I'm reading the books & going to f2f meetings. I am taking one day at a time. Although, I am at this 4th step which has tremendously altered my way of thinking. So please allow me to share again on this.
working towards peace.........
If I could put myself in his shoes (the person with alcoholism), and see thru his eyes, what would I see? Would I see my own faults? I just wanted to point out how easy it was for me to judge when I was wearing the glasses, inspecting someone else’s life. It is not easy to live with a person who has this disease, or any disease. Yet, I now see I haven’t been that easy to live with either. I really do believe that the 12 steps can’t do anything for me, unless I put forth the effort into those 12 steps. The more I do for myself, the more I judge myself, the better I can become, not perfect, but better........... I am letting go of what’s not mine, ........I am going to work on my faults.................I am slowly finding peace.
You are totally right - I need to focus on my faults and realizing that I am not easy to live with either. I am just having a hard time focusing on myself lately and my mind keeps wanting to revert back to blaming him for my troubles, etc. I really need to find a sponser and work the steps since just reading the books and going to meetings helps but is not changing my ways as much as working the steps would be. It is so easy to fall back on the bad habits - mine are letting his moods affect my mood - I dislike it so much but I am the only one who can change that. He is not going to change his moods so that I am happy so I have to just detach and realize that I am the only one who can make me happy - I cannot make him my HP and look towards him for the way I feel. Today I have been constantly praying and working on changing these habits. Constantly I keep saying to myself that I need to focus on me, etc. All this work makes me feel like I am crazy since I am constantly talking to myself but I think this is the start. The start to realizing my faults and working on them. It is just so different and strange to try and change your behavior. In a way I feel like I should not have to be the one to change - it should be the alcoholic - but that is not the way it is and not the Al-Anon way either!!!! So I have to just try this changing thing and see how it works. I am in a much better mood when I am just focusing on myself than when I am focused on the alcoholic because I can do something about me but I can do nothing to change him - and that takes a load off my shoulders!!!!
I found that once I started working on me, and that means being good to myself too, not just working on my changes, actually, I didn't work that hard, once I felt good about doing something special for myself!! Taking a walk, reading a book, whatever, that I was so much happier. It's just like dominoes, I was happier, he got happier...my attitude changed, his attitude changed.. Good luck people, don't forget, part of changing yourself is learning to enjoy yourselves!! Lotsa TLC to you.
I am enjoying myself again. I read, run, exercise, and even watch a little TV. Thanks for your response & you're right! Happiness & goodness can spread, just like a disease too!
Working towards peace....that would be inner peace for me. I appreciate your perspective and your post on my share about love must be tough. Time to turn the tape in my head off and focus on me. It is his path to follow and I do know that I am powerless. I don't like it when he gets in there telling me how to improve myself.
I look forward to taking the 4th step. I think that I understand it more. I am catching up on office work so I can enjoy the weekend, spend time with my sons, take a long run, read, take a hot bath, and simply be me.
