The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just now between 10:25 pm and 10:40 pm central time in the room, I felt ganged up on! All anyone has to do is read the transcripts. I know there are a couple people that do not talk to me and tonite they went over the edge! One saying to someone else not me,,,take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth,,,etc. I know passive agressive talk when I see it. I have never been so insulted! This is a safe place for healing....phhht. I will find my serenity elsewhere,,,,at least here at the message board no one does that to each other on purpose. I am in tears now and the other members are having their fun time in chat. I am not strong enough for the QTIP or let go let god or none of my business stuff. And I guess they caught me in a weak moment and knew it! I just had written that there are a couple people that do not talk to me and ignore me and this hurts my feelings. I never named names etc. Then I started reading things said that were not perceived as safe messages and sounded like they were meant for me. Sure, I have processed information with others but not in a gossip manner. Who are they to point a finger at me when they know they talk about me and there is proof.I am no dummy. But, maybe I am a dummy to keep coming here. If they want me gone,,,,fine. I am new and if they don't like that I am friendly to others,,,well,,,you can win. I am not here for a game or to feel bad. I am only one person here to learn and help my alcoholic daughter and myself. Sure, people say don't let it hurt my recovery. But just read the transcripts and see for yourself. I am not going to be pushed down and kicked on by any of you again! I can't take anymore! cdb
Please remember that I am only posting for support and do not need anyone going into specifics of what happened etc. It happened, it is behind me. I just need support for my alanon journey. I do not need people cutting me down anymore. My daughter wants me to stay in alanon, but she understands how hurt I am feeling. She encouraged me to post here. I have told her what good friends I have on the message board too. She also says that it is not nice for others to point fingers at me and label me as to where my recovery is and make me look like I am the sick one here. When others may be at a bad place in their recovery too. Thanks again,,,,cdb
I certainly support your position, cdb, which is why I made a decision long ago to stay out of chat rooms no matter what their intended reason is for being. There are always going to be some low-life individuals whose primary purpose in life is to make others' lives miserable. I am not talking about the chat rooms here because I have only checked in once and stayed for a couple of minutes. But in general, I think they serve no good purpose to any cause.
OK I am ready to be jumped on for that remark, but so be it. Hang in here on the board, cdb, where it is safe and pleasant. My positive thoughts are with you. Put unimportant people and their unimportant remarks behind you, and consider the sources.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
It doesn't matter if someone is new or not. In fact the newer somene is the more thye need love and support.
Don't let the actions of a few cause you to turn away. As the ending says , you may not like everyone, but will come to love everyone the same way we all love you.
We are all in the same boat, we have all suffered at the hands of alcoholism, and no one needs to be targeted in a place that you are right, is supposed to be "safe".
Please keep coming back, this is where you belong, and we need you as much as you need us.
i count myself your friend. I get alot of good information and help from reading your posts.
the chat room is usually unavailable to me due to technical reasons - firewall at work and active A at home. The few times I tried it - it was okay but hard to follow..
this board and its posts are a good place to expend our thoughts, help one another, vent, share. experience, strentgh, hope.
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
As someone pointed out, you may not like us...... and i have found that part of the closing to be particularly helpful and eye opening for me. It means to me that I have found a different way of listening to the people around me, especially those in the program. There are all kinds of folks in alanon, with all kinds of personalities, but I have found with extremely few exceptions (I cant think of one right now) that everyone there for the same purpose essentially. To get better. Be it on this board, at face to face meetings, chatroom, personal visits with fellow members or talking on the phone.
I dont necessarily "like" everyone I listen or talk to. But i have found that if I can put aside my personal "feelings" for a while and just listen to what they are saying, I will always learn something I need to know, even if it is something like..."I never want to be like that!"
I certainly do not agree that the mip chatroom serves no good service. Far from it. It has kept me from doing so much harm to myself that I cannot even begin to write it all here. It has, very literally, saved my life!
But I am certainly not saying that the chatroom, or any other alanon "forum" is for everyone. To each his or her own. Some folks go to chatrooms, because they dont want to go to a meeting in person or because they cant go to a meeting in person. And thank God they have that option available.
Anyway Cdb, I hope you continue to grow in your recovery, and that you remember that we all do love in you in a very special way.
Cdb, I am sorry that you are feeling this way... You have always given me such wonderful support and I want to be able to give you the same.. I do believe that there are those who do not always talk to others but I feel that if they choose not to talk with me than so be it.. I consider that their loss... or maybe they are just having one of those bad overwhelming days that I have had in the past where I just couldnt talk but just listen when I came in... and I try not to make anyone feel as if I am being rude so I usually do give my hello and goodbye to everyone even if I am not in the mood to talk that day... but I cannot judge why others choose to be the way they are... I just know that I personally have enjoyed chatting with you and always will.. and if you stop coming in to our chats you will be robbing me of the joy of seeing you and chatting with you... : ) ..so I hope you will reconsider and continue to come in and see us... a suggestion might be to come in and if you see those who have treated you rudely in the past ignore them and only chat with those whom you consider friends... You do have ALOT of US that you can consider friends...and I feel I speak for many others when I say that... So please consider that there will always be someone who dosent like us or maybe want to talk to us for whatever reason (even in the outside world) , but there are many more who DO... LOVE YA... keep coming PLEASE... smeep
Please Please don't go, you r one of 2 people that went out of their way to notice me at meetings and welcome me and support me.
I have also been treated rudely in the room myself. I made an error in mentioning Dr. Phil, not in endorsing the purchaes of his books, or in the content of his books, just that I found it helpful to me. I was interupted during my share - which I see and here is a big NO NO. In front of everyone. How embarassing. I should of been told in private not to mention outside lterature.
I feel a moderator should use the same ettiquette as an employer, don't point out errors in front of all. It is only common courtesy.
I too consider not returning. When I told the moderator this she got defensive and very unprofessionial.
((((((cdb")))))))) I will be here for you no matter what your decision.
jrtjosey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Thank you all for your replies. I am glad I have this message board to vent. Holding things in is what makes a person sick. I do need to restate that if someone were to read the transcripts they would see the truth. And the truth is I am human too and probably said innappopriate things but I was in fact ganged up on. I also have the right to not go into a PM with someone when asked and they do not have a right to say they will then tell the entire room what they were going to say to me and then tell me to quit my blabbering. This is when I checked out. People are not suppose to talk about you when you are not in the room and I trusted that this was followed through. The person that wanted a PM with me is one that doesn't talk to me anyway. Well, like I said, I wish I had the transcripts. At least here on the message board what we say is here and we are accountable for what we put. I am still not sure why someone esle asked me if I were stoned either. I have never done pot/weed etc. and this still seems like a very odd question for someone to outwardly ask me.
I do think MIP is a very valuable site. It was not that for me last night and that is what I vented. I thank MIP for offering me the option to use the message board or go into the chatroom. The meetings here are wonderful! I can't say how much they have done for me and for my recovery work. My vent had to do with a situation in open chat. So, I want you all that read this to know that.
Tired Tonight, You are always full of so much wisdom! You have helped me to cope more than once. I do agree with everything you put, except that I wish you could read the transcripts. But, that is behind me now. I have such loving support from my husband too who is also an alanon member. No one even knows who he is or when he comes. I did ask him not to post for this is my issue. He encourages me to keep chatting because he knows how many friends I have met here and how they have helped me and how happy I am when I talk to you all, in the message board and in chatroom too. So with his support and my daughter's who wants me to continue here too ( although I did not share with her alanon personal stuff) I will return and see how it goes.
The thing with someone ignoring me is others do notice it. The person that is doing the ignoring is only showing more about their character. I see this too and need to keep this in mind.
Thank you John/OP for this chatroom and message board. Without you being the person you are , I would not get through this and want to return either. cdb
Hey friend, just a quick note cause at work (lol geeze I’m a slacker). I just wanted you to know that you’d be missed here. Please don’t let your own recovery depend on a chat room, or for that matter any internet function alone, Including MIP. Keep in mind you will progress at a rate that is comfortable to you and your progress is your own business. If I am thinking about your progress, guess I’m not thinking much of my own. What a break through lol, isn’t that why I’m here in the first place. Matters not who, my a/w or another co-dependant just like me..or anyone. One can take something good out of every situation, hurtful or not. You can choose to take this situation and learn from it, or you can allow it continue to affect you negatively. Sometimes I find that I may learn more from situations that hurt, certainly don’t forget them as fast, and possibly makes me look a little deeper into me. Unfortunately sometimes progress includes a little pain. Keep your head up friend and keep pushing forward. Just know your input is important and I for one appreciate your enthusiasm.
I am so sory that i could not be here for you this weekend when this happened to you!! I wish that I could have been there for you like you were there for me when another member had hurt me. I feel for you!!!
Remember that you have lots of friends here that care about you. You have helpped alot of people and always are so nice to everyone and please don't let these people push you out!
I would dearly miss you and really hope that you stay.
Hello Cdb, I am so sorry to hear your feelings were hurt. Sometimes I can not read the chat to everybody, it goes so fast I can not keep up, so I catch the few I can. I am hoping that the people did not intend to hurt your feelings and I always enjoy when you are in the room listening to your gentle suggestions and you are very attentive to the newbies and that is very important to listen. Please dont stay away from chat room and join in again because we would be missing you alot!!! Have a blessed day :) Your friend, Doozee
