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For some reason I just cannot seem to communicate with my A (husband). He has to constantly ask me a question several times before I actually answer it. I am not sure if I am just being defensive of his questions or as I told him earlier this morning that I decide that his question is not worth answering, but then I am just ignoring him and making him feel ignored and not validated. Right now I am just in a state of confusion because I just cannot seem to express what I feel inside. It is like my brain is running 100 mph and I just cannot put my feelings into words. Does anyone have any suggestions for this since it seems that Al-Anon literature cannot help my communication process - would therapy help or something else?
One of the main reasons my marriage is not so great is because I cannot communicate with him. Any suggestions or experiences that could help me change?
Sometimes I write & give him the letter. Sometimes I write & read him the letter. Sometimes I write & never let him know what I wrote.
What works for some, won't for others. My hub & I agree when to talk. One of us may need an hour, or a day. Although, I was were you are 3 weeks ago. I was so confused, didn't know what to say, for I didn't know what I felt. So I merely told him that. I said I would talk to him soon, I just need some time to sort out my head. He gave me time, each day asking, each day I said "Not today". We never go long w/o communicating. This time it took me 5 days of silence. My home is not a place I want to continue with my difficult issues. We always have talked at home. Now when I see the kitchen table, I am reminded of the troubled issues we bring there. So this time, when I was ready I asked to take this conversation out of the home, for coffee.This way I could leave anger & resentment at the coffee shop, and just bring home the conversation & thoughts.
I can relate to that. Some questions from my A are so ridiculous and sometimes mean that I ignore than rather than getting into it.
Fo me communication is difficult because of my detachment from his drinking and I just don't see any benefit of getting into things that will go nowhere.
Not much help I guess we have similar issues with communication
Megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Your question is a very important one! If you choose not to answer a question and walk away in detachment to avoid an argument, or drag-down, knock out fight, or a hook to drag you into a mind game--then that is probably the right thing to do.
You're right when they ask questions or demand answers-- we're supposed to have the immediate answers when we've STUFFED our emotions for quite some time. I know I would stuff feelings from Monday until Friday. By Friday, it was tough to get the first word out! If you feel you want to respond try "I" statements first, not start out with the word "You". I puts the focus on you, and makes the conversation about YOU.
