The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a recovery alcholic, I have a spouse who is not an alcholic. Is it unreasonable for me to ask that spouse to not drink anymore? Or not to come home if they had been drinking ie.stay at a friends house? I am confused as to what I am supposed to expect from my spouse when it comes to this subject any advice would be welcomed.....
HI, welcome. well congrats on being in recovery first.
My thought is if my spouse were a diabetic, and I was not, I would still eat my sorbets, cookies etc.
When my A was in recovery, it did not bother him if he was around it, but I am sure everyone is different.
Now I don't drink, but if I did, I would not have it in the house. If I wanted to go out with a friend and have wine with dinner I don't think I should have to stay at a friends home. I would not want my A to tell me not to drink anymore than the A would like me telling him what to do and what not to do.
It is the spouses home too. But I gotta say too, if my A was in recovery, out of love I would be so happy he was getting some recovery time and would not want to do anything to sabotage it.
Have you told your spouse how you feel?
i hope things go well for you. welcome and keep coming back. love,debilyn
I can't really answer your question. But I know in a Marriage what is right is what works for both spouses.
You recovery is your own, and you have stated that your spouse is not an alcoholic. Alcohol is a part of this world and will not go away, as I am sure you know.
You didn't say if you are in the early stages of recovery, but if for now you need to be away from anyone drinking, all you can do is share that with your spouse. Communication is important and you might find that they are happy to oblige you in order to support you in recovery.
If they would rather not, if you talk about it, you could come up with some boundaries that work for both of you.
As an person in alanon recovery, my husband is an active alcoholic, but who has not been drinking for a while now, I can only tell you of my experience. I do not drink very much only a glass of wine, here and there, but I do not have any drinks in my home, nor do I drink any type of wine,etc, infront of my A, as I know it will only make it harder for him to obstain. That is just my view , and it works for me. Dorean
I don't know the correct response, what works for some, won't for others. I can only ask if you shared this with your wife, she may have the answer your looking for, or be willing to go along with your request for a period of time.
my a is sober 4 years 3months.....when first sober, he was told to avoid old haunts, old friends, in fact anything related to past drinking. he was encouraged to take a new route home etc. he never asked me to stop drinking or to not have liquor in the house. i just did. i relate to it in this sense. i love chocolate. i know it's not good for me. i know i can't stop at one. so i avoid having it in the house. if my spouse were to buy chocolate and leave it lying around, i know i would eventually break down and have some, meetings or not.
so for him, i choose not to drink nor have any in the house. he has been sober long enough now that if we have company, we can have wine and it doesn't bother him. in fact he encourages me to have some if i want. for me, i cannot. i cannot enjoy something that i know would kill him. so i don't.
you will find everyone has a different take on this and no one is wrong.
one true thing is.....if you love your spouse and value their sobriety (who wouldn't?) then you will respect their wishes if that's what is asked of you (unless you have a problem with alcohol too)............
