The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This detachment thing… hating the disease… loving the person inside… all beings of God deserves to be loved and are loved by God… God is in all and is all. A chronic drunk driver deserves to be loved… she or he deserves to be in prison for the protection of society and the drunk. A mate addicted to drugs like alcohol, etc. deserves love… she or he deserve to lose all so to hit bottom and by God’s plan, in desperation genuinely reach out for help. Am I biologically addicted to drugs like alcohol? I do not have any facts that indicate that I am. No doctor, surgeon, medical university, research laboratory has done any exploratory ventures into my brain. Was it my choice to pick up the first toxic substance (alcohol for me)? It does not matter. What fact I do have is that it is my choice to do what it takes to not pick up the first toxic substance again. My point… that chronic abuser of drugs like alcohol, etc… she or he deserves to be loved… do doubt… but he does not deserve to have his laundry done by another… she does not deserve to be financially support by another… they deserve the God given right to find their solution at rock bottom… desperate. So, this is what I believe and that “I” is as in me. Those actively addicted to drugs like alcohol have the choice to become inactive… it is there choice… thus; it is their choice to stay active. In addition, their choice to remain addicted is made easier when they have the normal amenities in life. Have any of you ever been without bath or shower for 7, 10, 20, and more days? Whew… stenchy , dirt crusted… or be so hungry… water seems like a meal, or roll up in tall hay to keep a little bit warm at night… great motivators for change. Does not always work… but…
Sober = “the showing of mental and emotional balance”. Is it a sober thing to stay in a relationship that the only ‘relating’ going on is between the drunk and hers or his bottle, dry alcohol, etc? At what social cost is there for one, for the sake of keeping “a” / “any” relationship (so called relationship) just for the sake of not being without a relationship… to one addicted to relationships, even a bad one will do.
True story… way down in the outback of Texas in the late seventies… a tiny pig farm, pigs and marijuana together in same field… the pot was raunchy… the others in the car were laughing and complaining about the quality of the pot… I said, “It works”!
If only one person in a person to person marriage believes she or he is married and the other’s actions states the other is not... is there a marriage?
Just a thought.
Of course, all bottoms are not equal in intensity before genuine and lasting change takes place… so it seems. I have not done any studies on those that hit the deepest bottoms and those that have relatively high bottoms to whose changes last longer.
Well put. Each of us deserves the dignity to find our own Higher Power, and not have someone else (our codependent) step in and be that Higher Power for us. Thanks for the reminder.
I think what is so hard about alcoholism is trying to understand it, because it makes no sense.
I have struggles with detachment, and all but driven myself crazy at times trying to figure it out, only to decide that I will never figure it out or fully understand it.
I sure wish I would have come to meet you years ago and learned all that I have learned from this site so far back then. I would have made an entirely different journey in my life as far as many things that I should not have tolerated. I would probably have lived my life more to the fullest and been a happier person. Yet, God must not have meant for me to learn the lessons I am learning until now. And I have sure learned alot of valuable things from you, Richard. Thanks for getting back to the board and posting more often again. Your friend in recovery trying to be sober myself, cdb :)
