The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When my husband relapsed I had no choice but to stick to my word. I had told him that under no circumstances would the kids and I live with active drinking. We where aware that there could be slip ups, and we would keep quiet about that, but when he began to drink all of the time again and the abuse started, and he told us all that he had learned he doesn't need AA he could have a few. I asked him to leave.
Of course he returned to his parents, and we have avoided all contact with him for some time now.
His father came to see me, he said his drinking was making my Mother-in-law sick and was driving them insane and that they couldn't handle it anymore.
He said Jeannie we need your help. I told him there is nothing we can do. He said he wouldn't throw him out but he was willing to take him to AA meetings, get him a sponsor and sit with him the whole time. I told him my husband has to do it himself, he has to want to do it and that they can't control it.
My father in law said he knew my husband would do it this time, that my A had made a deal with them, if they made me let him talk to the boys he promised he would go back to AA. I tried telling his father that if he was serious he would go no matter what. That my A was manipulating them to get his way. I told them he had made so many promises to me, that they mean nothing.
His father told me this time was different, that the promise was made to them, that it meant more, and he would not break a promise to them.
I stuck to my guns, I said I am not going to do anything, it is out of my control and up to him. Then I did let him speak to the boys for a few minutes. I then spoke to my father-in -law and told him, okay you have your bargain, but it will not work. I said here if you want to believe it, even though nothing I do will change anything, at least maybe you will see that. I agreed not for my husband, but so my In-Laws could see the truth.
I told them if they really wanted my help, I would go to an Alanon meeting with them, or an open AA meeting, and they could see what goes on, and maybe get some helpful info. They refused, they said he needs help, not them.
I am glad there eyes are finally opening, but I see them where I was before Alanon. I'm not angry with them anymore, in fact I pray they will be guided to Alanon in their own time. As for my husband, I have let go, he no longer has the power to hurt me. I am sad that things have come to this, and I will continue to pray for him to find and stay in recovery, but I believe all hope for us is gone.
I have my moments when I get angry, and want to lash out, I find myself falling into the old traps, but I will not get pulled back in to stay. I go to a meeting, read, and think of the kids and myself.
The Merrigoround has stopped, the kids and I are safe, and my husband is in Gods hands now.
Thanks for your post! It is so helpful for me to see how making boundaries and keeping them can work no matter how tough it is. When my husband and I finally called the police on our 20 year old daughter for being drunk, disoderly and a danger to herself and others we felt a sense of empowerment. IT was one of the harderst things I had to do! I see now that if a similiar situation would happen that we would be able to repeat the same plan and our daughter knows we will too. I wish we had done this when she was younger but we did the best we knew how back then. It would have helped us and her to know what to expect and not have let her unacceptable behaviour go on so long. I feel like you are setting a very good example for your kids too. It is so good for me to see the strength in others that has come from this program 12 steps. God Bless,,,,,cdb
Thanks so much for sharing that. It is wonderful to hear about you working the program so well. It gives me hope, that someday I will be able to do as well!
In the real world, boundareis bend...they don't change, they just bend. Sometimes we forget that and I have been to lots of meetings where everyone is afraid to say it out loud.....WOW! Good for you that you were able to bend and still keep yourself and your kids safe....thats what this is really all about...my boundaries still come in the form of fences and walls....I hope to learn to make them into bridges and pathways.....but I am a long way from that....thanks for sharing.... AM
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to the world you may be only one person....but to one person you may be the world.....
”They refused, they said he needs help, not them.”
I bet two quarters they partly, even mostly why your man became insane enough to pick up the first toxic substance to escape the pain. “Intoxicant.
It sound to me that your mind honors the wisdom of your heart. It was written a couple of thousand years ago that all the laws of God are written on hearts and minds of people. (Hebrews 8:10). I am not a common Christian, but a lot neat stuff has been around for a very long time.
