The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am living my life in the now. I am not making any plans for tomorrow, except I know I go to work and then go to my meeting. My A took his assessment, paid his $100.00 and will meet with them on Monday's and Thursday's 6-8pm. He has a list of employers to go to tomorrow and says he will have a high paying job this week. He is a furniture trimmer, the highest skilled pay here in NC.
Last night he did drink a little more than usual, but all he did was talk and I listened. I reflected back to him and he liked that. Only one time did he get pissed off. When his salad dressing froze due to the fridge was on too high. Just that fast he turned angry and his lips disappeared. His lips disappear when he is angry. That is my warning sign. When he was angry like that, I didn't acknowledge it, I continued doing what I was doing.
And that was writing. I am writing again. I am writing my 3rd book. My A is even supporting me when he used to tell me I couldn't write and of course I would react to that and then all hell broke loose. But not now. Not since Al-Anon.
He asked me yesturday to pick him up some beer and I said no. I told him I wasn't going to enable him to drink. So he went with me and bought it himself. Nothing I can do there except feel satisfied that it wasn't me who was buying it.
Today is beautiful out and my plans are to write. My A's plans are to do his online poker. He is very good at poker and his goal is to get to Las Vegas or Atlantic City. He won $300.00 here locally. I support him in that. I will support him in what he wants to do - except for the drinking. He knows I do not there. I tell him how different he is when he drinks. I just wish he wouldn't drink, but then I know all is not rosey when he does. The problems do not go away when the beer does. That I have learned from Al-Anon.
With God's love and support, it can be done. I have worked all steps up to 4. I need to really let go and let God and not grab my problems from His hands when I am frustrated. I need to place it in His hands and never think about it again. God is wonderful.
For everyone who is struggling with their A, take a deep breath and keep in mind that YOU are the only one you can change. Start with your heart and go out from there. I pray strength and courage on all who post on this board. You are loved here.
Deb, Thanks for the update. It had a nice calmness about it. I'm glad that you are attending real face to face meetings and I hope you continue. I am glad that you reconize that there are things you do have to turn over to god and then get out of the way...that is hard sometimes and I find myself working 1-3 over and over again., but hey I'm not perfect.
Deb I just also wanted to suggest that you may be wise to protect yourself financially as you mentioned the Gambling desires of your husband. I came very close to learning this lesson the hard way. Don't your let yourself find your support of this has been support of another addiction that is just as evil and cunning as alcoholism., I found It was worse and even more destructive.
Thanks for coming back to this board with your update...Keep on goin to those meetings:)
WOW, you have grown in alanon by leaps and bounds! Your post inspires me to keep focused on me and the program. It may be helpful to you to reread your other posts here in the order you posted by doing the search above and typing in your name. You will see how far you have come in such a short time! Keep up the great work. And keep posting. Love to see your growth and learn from you too. cdb :)
My husband gambles on the free sights. He never uses realmoney to gamble. He says it's good practice. The money he won here locally was a "free roll" type of game and he ended up winning the pot. I don't think he is a gambler. We have been to Cherokee at Harrah's and we each have a certain amount of money to spend and I usually come home with more money than he does. He usually gives me half of his gambling money and rarelly asks for it back. He gets more enjoyment watching me cause he knows I take the money and run!!!
I have reread my posts and I have grown, but it has taken a lot of effort and tears on my part. I am determined to change for me and find the real me and my A knows that. In fact with what I have learned from my books, my A has slowed down on his drinking, but I don't let him know I've noticed. We have just been communicating more every day and when things bother me, I tell him so. I don't tell him how I feel, just things that have happened in the past that bothered me and so I speak up. He has been doing the same and instead of me getting all defensive, I listen to him and reflect.
My older sister has also been a great support as I have been with her. She is involved with a man who was abused as a child and he doesn't think there is healing and she's trying to use her knowledge of Al-Anon with him. He is going to counseling. She is also taking things ODAT.
I read other posts and if I feel a connection, I will respond or even just to let that person know they are loved.
Every one needs to know that God loves them and won't put more on them than they can handle. Much love to everyone for their prayers and support and back at ya!
Wow nice reply Deb. Im glad the gamblin thing is as you say. I'm kinda sensative to the issue, probably could tell huh lol. Thanks for the reply it was a fantastic....good for you!
He asked me yesturday to pick him up some beer and I said no. I told him I wasn't going to enable him to drink. So he went with me and bought it himself.
I too made this a boundary and it sure helped me to feel less enabling to my A
Today is beautiful out and my plans are to write.
Wow, good for you, writing is such a great talent to have - I love to read...
You really have changed and grown from your posts here, things really do get better....
Alanon principles put into practice, a very inspiring post - thanks
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
