The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have an idea that would help the problem that has been addressed in my post below about ignoring other members and when new people or others come in for immediate help. Please respond with other ideas or let or let the owner/John know if you think this would work.
For years I have gone to some fibromyalgia chatrooms but since my daugher became an A this has been the only chatroom I have needed for now. What had worked well in those chatrooms is to have a FUN room for members to go to who want to socialize in a relaxed manner or have a fun time changing names there and singing songs. This room was actually very popular! There was always an OP in the main room to be there for new people or people in crisis. I myself hung out in the main room because I have a need to be there for others when they are hurting. I do know when I need to let go and have fun too. The fun room was open for Theme activities too related to holidays,people's birthdays, or just whatever fancied the group at the time.
I would be willing to donate some money for this kind of room to be opened because I have seen the success at other chatsites. The main room could be monitored in a way that if someone was joking inappropriately, that they would kindly be reminded to go to the fun room. The only problem that arose was not having enough OPs to monitor the fun room so if both rooms could be able to be set up in a way that the OP could view them at the same time that would solve that problem.
It hurts me to hear of others that were not supported when they came here or felt they had to go to another chatsite since I feel this one has so much to offer. The people I have met here are also wonderful supportive loving people and I do not want to go anywhere else.
I do hope John/OP reads this. I know you are very busy and being an owner never pays or compensates financially for your time. So if anyone does talk to him, please lead him to this post. cdb
I would just like to add that I know I do not have control and I also believe in the 3 Cs. I found out that not all members come to this message board and unfortunately some that don't are the ones that need to be reading about the post about ingoring other members and the replies. When I realized this it saddened me and then reminded me that I am only one person that cannot change it. I have decided if what I posted about continues that I too will find a new chatroom home where such nonsense does not go on as often as it does. cdb
I tend to agree with you, I too left another alanon site,,as it was just getting to that point where alanon wasnt spoken anymore. That saddens me as when we come to the room we all come for the purpose of healing. I have noticed when a newcomer comes in ,alot do not pay attention to their needs. I have been in alanon 5 years and I know I still need to hear alanon philosphy, and I come here for that specific purpose period. There are lots of places or chatrooms where one can go and talk about the weather or cooking etc. I am not saying that I have not participated in talking about other things, because I have,,however if one needs to share, I will be there to listen, I will be there to share my ESH, and I hope others will too. This is alanon's prime directive to be there for those who are in pain/fear/angry/ and suffering from the effects of anothers addiction. This post was an eye opener,,thanks,,,gardengal
I wanted to say, when I first came to this site, it was the way the chat room worked that helped me thru many a lonely night and day.
We had some crazy fun nights. But if someone needed seriousness we stopped and we gave our all to them, we learned, they learned. Then things would sorta drift to a lighter time again. it was wondeful. We were in a safe place, we could be ourselves and play and we could get serious too.
I believe they need to be together to heal. We would be goofing around, we always welcomed anyone who came in and asked how they were. We listened. If people kept goofing around we would remind each other hey so and so needs us to listen. sometimes we might have more than one person who needed help.
But we always respected that our first priority is that person in need.
Myself I cannot separate my fun me and my serious me. I would not want to be in a fun room when someone may come into the main room who needed help.
But that does not mean this idea is not a good one. It just won't work for me!
I can see where it would have its place. I mean I can see it now.. Cdb go to the fun room and take Bd with you....lol
CDB--i go to more meeting times than I do the chatroom--but from reading about htis issue that is coming up, i think it would be helpful if the OP or others too had a sort of "newcomer script" to place up on screen that may welcome them and make them feel important to the room in some way & also remind all others in room of the need to respect newcomers also the needs or people in pain. "
or maybe it is just a periodic reminder script that we could put up to remind people that someone may be in need of immediate help & we need to respect that and balance our chat jokes, etc. at those times and raise awareness that way. (The same way we have the other scripts about topics and crosstalk, etc.)
just thots--luv
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
I've been in the room a lot and I don't remember seeing anyone's distress ignored. To the contraire, it is often our nature to go out of our way to make it better for someone. Just as I think an a can't have everything done for him without atrophying, I need to speak up for myself when I seek help. If someone else does it for me, I won't know how to do it for myself (or realize I already know how to do it for myself). We can help each other, but let's give all newcomers the dignity of their own approach.
I dont mean to be arguementative to cdb's post. cdb has helped me many many times since i found out my mom has cancer two weeks ago. Alanon traditions and concepts covers this issue and there is,in the opening, a statement to newcomers. I was in alanon two years ago and what i have learned from it is these two things That i think stands out to a newcomer because it did me. Take you like and leave the rest. And no situation to big to be lessoned. This i have learned the hard way what im about to say but i have learned that alanons are not perfect and they do make mistakes and everyone has thier own issue even oldtimers. In my own opinion as long as there are a couple of people who listen to those in need that is good enough. Not everyone can like everyone and not everyone is able to offer support old timers or newcomers. I have had two conflicts with someone in the chatroom since ive been back about 4 months now. And that person doesnt even say hi to me anymore at all. But i realize that is thier issue not mine. I say hi and if she choose to answer or not i will just take what i like and leave the rest. I know that at least two people in that room will be there for me and offer support and that is enough for me. I think that if another chat room were made it would always be the same people in the room that is offering support and that can be very draining. Cdb i really hope your not offended by this opinion i think your an amazing person and am very grateful to you and i do hope you will not be angry with me, but take what ya like :) Love ya
kerry
-- Edited by kerry5 at 23:39, 2005-03-03
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
There seems to be alot of good ideas here. It's nice that someone like Jill has not experienced the situation I talked about in my other post. But as I looked at some other replies they were made up of the following: A person that was ignored and never came back, someone that came in and could not figure the room out as it looked too much like a coctail party to Ops and members agreeing that mistakes can be made especially if the group is large. Some think new people need to speak up but from my experience as a newcomer a person's life is so out of sorts and chaotic by the time we find the room that everything looks so overwhelming and maybe even scarry. Thus, if everyone can work as a team to greet the new comers and pay attention to those in crisis or those completely lost as to how to operate the room, then this chatroom can be more effective. I do disagree with waiting for the new comers to speak first since they are so new to alanon and may not be healthy enough yet for this to be an easy first time task. Atrophy could happen but does not seem to be a main problem.
I see where Kerry had a good point in that if most people remain in the fun room then only a few will be there to greet the new comers and that could put alot of pressure on only a few volunteers. So, I guess it is up to John/OP. to decide if any changes would help. It is his website and this site is doing great so far. cdb
