The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We don't come here because we are happy or painfree. We came here for the opposite reason. We all need support and undestanding. That is why it is important for all of us to show compassion for others even though we have our own differences. Personalities can clash as do in any community yet we are all adults here and need to try to act as adults. I try to be friendly to everyone since I know we are all in the same boat. We all may be busy multitasking and running back and forth from the computer doing laundry or other tasks. WE may be away and forgot to turn our computers off. Yet each of us should try to at least give each one a hug or a hello whenever we can. People can eventually see when someone has a pattern of not doing this or not talking to certain people. We all need to work as a community and try to be there for each other. Not that this has to be done everday, but I am saying for those that have shown a pattern of no response to certain members to at least do it once in awhile out of respect.
The chatroom does get very busy but we need to be sensitive to those that come in and need the rooms full support. Like the other day, someone came in and had said how they were thinking of suicide earlier. It would have been nice for the oldtimers and OPs to help too. Some of us do not know how to use the alanon information in those situations. That is when the singing and joking should be put off until afterwards. This may have been a one time situation. I am still new here. All I know is that it is important for all of us to help each other and to have fun at the appropriate times too.
This chatroom is a lifeline for some like me and we all need to feel safe and secure here. With everyone working on the same goals, it could be such a better place to come for help if we all think about some of what I wrote here. I would like to see others experiences too or input. Thanks for those that have helped and supported me through my journey and through the carziness of who I am at times. cdb
I couldn't agree more. You've done a great job of putting in words what the problem is. I will do my part, and suggest that others do also to ask those that aren't addressing a newcomer and their problems to help do so. It might look like this... "Hey BettySue, do you hae any ideas for our new friend?" It is distracting when there are several conversations going on which overwhelm and distract. It would seem that 'older' members (like myself) would know better, but are guilty. Three of my fingers are pointing back at me right now as I point, because I've done it too. None of us are perfect, and this will still happen to some extent with larger numbers of people in the room. We can all do our part to suggest and direct those in distracting chatter to be constructive and help with Alanon issues. Thank you for doing such a great job of putting the problem into words.
Christmas was bad. very very bad. My A had started drinking again and was passed out by 4pm. I had moved and did not have a new alanon meeting.
I was at my wits end. I tried the chat for the second time in my life and it worked.
the people online were talking baking and cooking and having nice days.
Their talk ceased when I entered the room.
They welcomed me, helped me to explain my problems, walked me through helping myself. I am very very greatful to have had such help in my time of great need.
Mostly I can't chat - firewall at work and my A lurking around at home. So thanks to those who give of themselves to help those in need
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Thanks for bringing this subject up. I agree with you there are definately times when we (all of us in the room) need to settle down and listen to the person, newcomer or old timer, that needs to talk about alanon issues. It does get very busy in the chat room sometimes with multiple conversations going on at once. I have been coming to MIP chat for about 6 months now and it seems like it is getting busier all the time. It is wonderful to see so many people finding us and getting exposure to the program that many people can not get where they are for whatever reason.
With more and more people in the room, we definately do need to make a special effort to watch for people who need to "be serious". And certainly we all need to be respectful and supportive of everyone in the room if we possibly can.
I am so grateful for this MIP chat room and bulletin board. It has helped me when I have needed it most. And aside from the program of Alanon, which has saved my life, I am so grateful for the fellowship I have found here in the chat room. I have made many wonderful friends here, who make me laugh, help me when I am crying, listen when I need to vent, and just BE there when I don't want to be alone in the dark.
I certainly believe that I was guided to this place by my HP and that he has blessed me with each of you!
And I hope that each and every person who comes here to MIP will experience the same caring, love and friendship that I have.
Thanks all! And thanks again cdb....for sharing your thoughts!
This is my first post here, I've experienced what it is to feel that disrespect in your chat rooms. I was looking for support when my AH decided to take off drunk in his car one night. I was extremely upset and wanting to let go.
I stated that me and the AH had gotten into an argument never explaining the situation behind it, I felt responsible for his actions, even if that is sick that is really what I felt. Quite honestly, I felt like what I said was ignorant by their comments. I'm sorry if all of this is new to me and I don't know all of the lingo of alanon, and the ways of thinking.
I felt like everyone was quite clicky and knew each other well. I felt ignored. I have been very active in another forum and chat for freinds and family of alcoholics and addicts. Everytime I post there I feel welcomed, loved, and suported. That forum is thriving and growing day by day, I have even told quite a few people about it and they now go there as well.
After that experience I didn't want to come back here. Without going into all the details, I am going through the very hardest time in my life and really need support.
After receiving an e-mail stating how you really need posts to keep this forum alive I decided to come back and post as we all do need support. I would like to suggest that the reason you may not be getting the posts and activity, is due to the unwelcoming attidude of those that were like the one's I ran into that evening. Obviously regulars in the chat room.
I'm not sure I will be coming back here but I do pray that God will lead us to have compassion and empathy for one another. If you have been around awhile, maybe remember some of the pain that newbys like me bring to the tables, you don't want to go back to where I currently am.
personally, i just find chat confusing. I have a hard time following the conversations and don't know the etiquette of jumping in and bring up a topic. It all seems like a cocktail party to me (without the black dresses and the drinks and eye contact) I'd rather post on the board and get responses or share at a meeting. I do find it hard to get answers to questions though. Maybe i haven't found the right forum yet.
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Was at chat room last night during meeting and after for a bit then at noon during lunch today not as crowded at noon and was a comfortable place. It looks to me is that this is just a very crowded place at certain times of the day and evening. I can see it being very difficult during these times for someone that really needs to talk to feel comfortable as there is so very much going on at once and it is confusing. Imagine asking someone for help in the middle of a rock concert, who is going to hear and will you hear them. This reinforces the need for face to face. That aside I just think that this site has some growing pains as I’ve been to the other forums and still go there, however I am still partial to this one after around 2.5 years, regardless what my membership says, re-signed up because of pass word difficulty. I think lol. So I’d say that the problem is that the site is a success. I believe that many come here for fellowship that helps them in their recovery, so those communications are very important as well. Well I believe that if one points out a problem, he or she should have a solution or at least a suggestion for a solution. I have an idea that I can see already needs improving upon. And here it is…..
During peak times like after meetings maybe if one were willing they could make it known that they are available (maybe thru a special avatar) to talk (in private room) with one that really needs to talk and find that the chat room is just way to busy for easy communication. While I see some problems with this and possible dangers. Mis-information due to newness to program for one and there is a lot more wisdom and safety in groups, its just the groups at this point may need to be a bit smaller. Maybe John and the OPS might have an idea on how this may be accomplished. I just know that a lot of people come here and need to talk. Probably a screwy idea but just thought I’d throw it out there.
Thank your for the replies. I am glad David brought up some ideas for a solution and I tried to also in my seperate post above. I was very hurt by the replies of what happened to some who were felt unwelcome and could not get the support they need. Unfortunately,,the inviduals that need to read this do not come to the this message board. This saddens me but I know I cannot change anything or anyone. I do know that if things do not change that I too will look for a new chatroom to get support too. cdb
