The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just feel so lost-nobody replied to me-is it something I said-I need a little carings thoughts on this subject--anyone care to reply would be appreciated.
I can relate to how you feel when people don't respond. I think it has something to do with this new message board but no one can't quite pin point it. What you did by reposting is very admirable! So many of us do not know how to ask for help and you did the right thing by posting again to get the attention of at least one person, me. I suffer from depression and when I finally realized last year our 20 year old daughter was and A, it made my depression worse. Do not hesitate to talk to your doctor about possible medications or therapy to help with that since depression can change the chemicals in our brain and create a very real physical problem. I am not sure what to say about your son but we just had to coerce our 20 soon to be 21 year daughter to go to an inpatient program. Although she is still on our insurance. We did first threatent to commit her after her recent dangerous drunken behaviours. With his bills, he can eventually file bankruptcy which my husband and I had to do almost 10 years ago when I became ill and could not work. It is not the end of the world and it allows a person to start over, of course when you son is ready.]
When we were in the meeting 2 days ago to amit out daughter everyone talked about her not paying her bills or doing the things she should. The addiction counselors looked at us and said this is part of her addiction and this is why she needs help right now. So, I can see where your husband is coming from too. My husband and I were recently torn on whether to call the police or not last weekend during her violent drunken outburst, but we finally did. It sure helps to find out all the resources out there that can help your son and then write them down and give them to him. You could call a county social worker or something to find out what they are. WE had also told our daughter that if she did not go to inpatient she had one month to move out of the house. A person had to follow through for them to believe it so you and your husband would need to be in agreement with that. Otherwise, do what you can to take care of yourself now. First, take care of the depression, seek a therapist and find ways to change you so others around you have to change. For example quit cooking for both the men, or picking up after them. Just a suggestion that may not work for you. There was a show on Dr. Phil about your situation. Wish I remembered it but maybe if he has a web site there may be information on getting your grown children out of the house. When people don't repsond to my posts here I go right into the chat room and just start typing what is going on and I almost always get support and feedback there. Try that too.
Hi, I haven't been in your situation but I just hope the best for you and your family. I am sory that your son doesn't talk to you. I only just read your message and it is unfortunate that in a moment of need you didn't get what you needed. I know for me when i don't reply or post it is because i am unsure of what to say to that person.
I do know a bit about the gambeling and it is an awful thing that can devistate alot of families. It is also linked with depression and wonder if your son is suffering with depression. Just a thought. My mom has a very bad gambeling problem and she also suffers from depression. The worse she is the more she gambles. It adds to your stress and I have no words of wisdome to help you through all of this but I hope that you can find your happiness again and take care of you. When you can focus on you again I am sure you will begin to feel a bit better one day at a time.
Sorry you didn't get any replies to your 1st post. I know as far as I'm concerned, I don't know what to say sometimes as I haven't been through what some people have, and don't have any experience in what they are going through. Also, I can't always come here because someone is looking over my shoulder. I agree that you have to have peace and as much happiness in your home environment as possible! Loving your children, you always want to help, sometimes helping is standing back and letting them grow through letting them make their own decosions and mistakes. I know how hard it is! That is one thing I have been through! Look after you, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, TLC
Hi, glad you posted again.... I am still trying to adjust to the new board, too, and finding the time to contribute lately. Anyway, I too, have depression, and an A husband. My BP was HIGH one time, too. All I can say is due to lifestyle changes (this Message Board and Alanon Face to Face meetings) have brought my blood pressure down! A good doc can help w/that and thyroid checked (High BP is the first sign of thyroid imbalances, and excessive stress). This program has taught me urgent self-care, and I now feel so much more relaxed.
I have had my husband for 27 years, but he/the disease is not worth a STROKE or Heart Attack. Take Care.
Sometimes I blame myself too much for things like people not responding or how they respond to me. Trust me its not you. In my case its as simple as not having time to scan down the list. I don't have broadband so msg boards take a lot of time. Doesn't mean your a bad person because I don't have broadband :) "thats a joke by the way"
Another thing about msg boards in my case is that I'm a bit selfcentered and tend to go to topics that have something in it for me. I was pretty depressed a week ago its more likely I would of picked other topics because I would have nothing to give.
I tend to blame myself for things that are beyond my control or not my fault. I can't let everything fall on others though because at the very least this is showing me that I haven't been able to forgive or accept the other people as they are. Unless i can forgive them, I can never forgive myself. I was told my depression was rooted in being angry with myself and that the first order of business for me was to start forgiving myself. My experience suggest though that I had to forgive others first. Only after I was free of the guilt these resentments carried did I permit myself to recieve God's grace and forgiveness for me.
I realize some of this is backwards from what some say but its just my experience if the chicken doesn't come before the egg then try the egg comes before the chicken methodologie.
thing I said-I need a little carings thoughts on this subject--anyone care to reply would be appreciated.
