The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I signed up for unemployment today. That will be enough to pay my bills. I am going to try to put some time into going to meetings which I can't do when I am working all the hours there are. I am also going to put some time into trying to get my space ok. I am really really tired to the bone so I am also going to try to put some time into getting rest. I have interviews lined up but I am not going to rush out and take the first job that comes along. In theory that will help but my level of fatigue, stress and more is incredible.
I am also going to put time into moving away from my more codependent neighbor. She still continues to speak to the psychopath. I know she is intrigued by him and I can understand I was always intrigued by the A until it got too much for me. I feel her continuing to have a relationship with him puts me at risk because he is a psychopath plain and simple and I do not want him engaging with anyone in the house. I can understand she needs to focus completely outside of herself because of her issues. I don't so I have to disengage. The psychopath caused so much havoc in the house I live in and getting him out was such a huge piece of work. I am in essence furious at her for continuing to engage much as I am sure people were furious at me for engaging with the A for ever and then some. I have been flooded lately by how much I know I annoyed people by being such a specatacle around the A. He had one crisis a second and I always over reacted. I was always in crisis about it and I know I totally alienated lots of people. I am really trying hard not to judge my neighbor and not to punish her. I know exactly why she engages with dysfunctional, totally out of it psychopaths and anti social beings. I just dont' want to have her behavior affect me and it does at the moment. I live in the same house she does and I need to set a great distance between us.
I feel sad about that and I know certain people were sad when they had to disengage from me because I simply could not have a decent boundary with the A. My out of the control behavior affected them and I had no idea what a difficult situation I put them in.
I am trying to spend time with my dogs because I find that restoring and rewarding. Self care is a complete mystery for me.
See if the unemployment office can help with some job placement. the local job and family services here does that, and it's helped many people make the transition you've been in for a while. Also see if the local family services can help get you into subsidized housing, that'll help keep some money in your pocket.
I fall between lots of cracks with subsidized housing, the pets, my age (I am not old enough) and that I am not on disability. In time I'll put myself on some waiting lists but I would not be able to negotiate the pet issue. The pet issue has been huge for me. When I was wanting to leave the A (there was domestic violence) no shelter would take me with the pets. I had one friend offer me a place only to decide at the last minute she didn't want to. Another friend offered a place but I had noway to get there. I encountered one huge barrier after another.
My transition is not so difficult now. When I left the A the unemployment I could get was minimal. Now I have a little bit of money coming in. I have just had to put my debt payment on hold for the time being because I simply can't put myself into the ground working it. I feel really terrible, just tired to the bone, really absolutely exhausted. I will have to get beyond that at the moment.I also just feel well ill. I am absolutely shattered.
