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My AH went to detox yesterday. The insurance only cover inpatient detox and outpatient treatment. He wanted to go to inpatient rehab but we can't afford it. When he left, i asked him what to tell his family (aunts, cousins, etc). His sister and son took him. I had to work so I couldn't be there. But secretly I was happy tonot take him. When he left, I was still home and he said plenty of hurtful things about what a horrible person I am. He called today and apologized. Then an hour later, he calls back on his son's cell phone (they were visitng him) to yell at me. His sister is in the background yelling at me. She grabs the phone out of his hand and starts talking to me very rudely but I don't say a word to her. She tells me "to not be like that" and "don't treat her like that" but I still don't say anything. I'm not going to yell at her. I was trying to talk to my AH who was yelling at me about whatever he wanted to. She calls me so xxxx rude and gave the phone back to the AH. I told him that she has no right to call me names or demean me when I'm trying to not involve her. He yells more and says that he's going to leave the detox center right now and then hangs up.
We are getting a divorce when he gets done with detox, he knows this. I thought I could handle my future. Being alone again but becoming a strong person. I won't put up with being called names and yelled at anymore. I'm so mad that people do this to me. No matter the things that I tried to do and tried to help with, his family does this to me. When his sister was addicted to meth, I tried to help her and listen to her. His whole family are addicts and they think they are better than me.
I will be getting a divorce and I will be alone (although I do have great friends and family). I am going to get through this. I won't let them make me fall apart. The strength that I have been working on won't be weakened by their meanness. I can do this. Please God. I just want to be okay.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 02:53:18 PM
Lost, you are going to be Okay. You will be. Your HP is holding you close, with a warm blanket all around you. Let go and let Hp take care of you.
I have an AH who yells, too. We are separated and it has been so good to not be yelled at anymore. I know how it feels. How wrong it is. No one should have to yell at anyone. Certainly not two adults who are married. Adult humans should be able to just sit down and have a quiet conversation with each other, respectful, like sane, adult human beings. I have never been able to understand why all the yelling is necessary...
I am sorry that you are being yelled at. You do not deserve to be yelled at. No one does. Not even a dog.
You are going to be Okay. I promise. I wish I could give you a hug, from someone who knows what it feels like. J.
Hello lost , and yes u will be ok . I hope u are attending al anon meetings for yourself , with or with out him u need to recover too, your life has been affected by someone elses drinking . If u have any of our literature read all u can on boundaries in relationships . The next time anyone starts to holler at you tell them to lower thier voice or u are going to hang up the phone if they dont , hang up . it won't take long before u get the respect u deserve. but first u have to respect yourself . hang in there keep the focus on your own needs and u will be just fine . and I hope for your husb sake he stayed in detox . Louise
Aloha Lisa...Your'e okay. The disease makes you not feel okay but you are. The disease screws up families, communities, towns, cities, states, nations etc. Don't feel so bad that it's got you angry. I like your non-response technique. I like it alot and detaching from the response is also very very good program. I got those tools in my tool box also. I also got that words are just words and don't have any power over my serenity unless I allow it. When the sick family was raging and using all those "words" I never lost my smile or my love and acceptance of them cause....they were also so very affected by alcoholism and addiction. They still are and I am still smiling.
Live in the moment...Let go of the past and the future; we only got the second, minute, hour, day. Your HP's love is greater than anything. Hang with that one and keep coming back.
