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I found this Al-Anon promise of "we will laugh more" just startling because as I read it I realized that NO ONE in our little family has smiled or laughed naturally for soo long. Yes, we stretch our mouths sometimes when it seems appropriate but it is more like a grimace. I think I have forgotten how to laugh. Nothing has seemed remotely funny in so long. I watch supposed comedy on TV and generally smirk some cynical, sarcastic remark in response. People send those inane Forwards via e-mail and I never laugh. How does one forget how to laugh? You see children do it so easily. I see other adults laughing when out in public or in cars alongside you on the road....but not me. There is no laughter in my heart and has not been for a good two years....maybe longer. I realize my family of origin didn't laugh much,,,,especially my dad. I think I married one just like him. The best laughter I remember in the family of origin was when my mom and her sisters were together; they laughed till they cried at so many things and I remember joining in just because!!!! Oh, how I wish I could LAUGH and how I wish I could SMILE normally. Maybe it would unfreeze this block of ice sitting in my chest.
DO NOT WISH, JUST DO IT. I PROMISE IT WILL WORK, even if it is only something like this:
I go out and look for something to smile about straight away, the sun is out, it is not raining today, the birds have come to my bird feeder, even through the cold one single white rose is still blooming, then I muse inwardly at something, often I am not sure what, but I look up and suddenly someone is walking toward me as I am walking for the bus and suddenly I see their face break into a smile and I suddenly realise that I am still thinking of that flower or that bird or that little bit of blue sky after all the dark clouds and I realise that they are returning my smile.
I had no sense of humour when my A watched what I considered smuttly humour and he therefore told me I had no sense of humour. Well as far as I am concerned there is humour and there is - well whatever name you would like to put to it.
****************************************************************************** Now you don't need to go to these lengths, but after a taunt from my children when we were sitting at the dinner table, yet again not daring to speak or look at each other because dad was in one of his I AM NOT AMUSED MOODS, SO YOU BETTER BEHAVE OR I WILL BLOW MY TOP AND HAVE A TANTRUM, the children had had enough and so had I. I just could not bear to sit at that table for another second with that image of miserable, glowering black cloud of bullish overbearing dominate 'Sargeant Major' CHILD sitting opposite me...
and hey, what'smore I was just telling a very depressed neighbour today about the time I made a chivers jelly and the children dared me to throw jelly at the miserable dad who was sitting at the end of the table...I DID and got him full in the face, and it stick in his moustache and his face did NOT CRACK, and guess what...pregnant pause, that seem to go on forever as we all watched that jelly sail through the air in slow motion before it hit the spot, oooops what's going happen next, when the children erupted into uncontrollable laughter, my son falling on the floor feet in the air holding his tummy laughing, my daughter crossing her legs, wetting herself with laughter and running out to the bathroom only to return to hear her dad say, "And you don't think you are going to get away with it as he threw jelly at my son". Within seconds, the place was in uproar as he throw jelly at me and them the children joined in. We all felt great.
It was risky at the time, but I had got so fed up with the miserable meal times I just took a chance when the children urged me on...it paid off...the atmosphere changed and GUESS what, I did not have to clear it up, and why 'cos their dad said "..now you kids can clear up for putting your mother up to it!", to which they replied, "well, if you were always so miserable, mum would not have to go to such great lengths to get a smile out of you so we think you should clear up too!" Yeah I got to put my feet up and they even brought me a cup of tea.
Did wonders for everyone, and the endorphines, which are wonderful for beginning the healing of a sick body where swimming around for days afterwards as we ALL kept on thinking and replaying the scene. *******************************************************************************
Now you don't have to go to these lengths but I am just sharing how a smile and a bit of laughter really is GOOD FOR THE SOUL, and goog for the body too.
When you next go to the mall, smile as you go to the check out and keep that smile on your face and just see how many people will smile back. I bet you will be surprised. It is a beginning of the end and the end of the beginning to a new approach to life.
Wish you love and peace today Oma. SENDING YOU ONE BIG SMILE AND I HOPE YOU ARE SMILING BACK AT ME.
Heart
-- Edited by Heartbroken at 18:52, 2008-01-24
-- Edited by Heartbroken at 18:57, 2008-01-24
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. Sometimes we have to make our own laughter in difficult circumstances.
Heartbrokens post reminded me of a time back in high school. My best friend was killed in a horrible car accident, and me and another girl had gone to her parents house to pay our respects. She was someone who always filled every place she went with laughter, and as you can imagine, there was a very uncomfortable silence as we sat with her parents.
All of a sudden, her brother came through the door with a can of "silly string" and began shooting it at us and his parents. This was just what we all had needed at the moment.
I can't imagine that his parents had laughed very much after the horrible loss of their daughter, but there they were laughing right along with us. It didn't mean that they loved their daughter any less, just because they were able to laugh.
I will pray for your HP to bring a little laughter to you and your family when you least expect it. As the old saying goes "Laughter is the best Medicine".
Take Care of Yourself.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Laughter TRULY is the best medicine. If it weren't for humor, I don't think I would survive. Sometimes you have to FIND the humor in your day. And it's there. It's always there. For me, it's usually in the absurdity of it all. When I allow myself enough room to stand back from things, I can see it. We either laugh or we cry or we go insane. I choose laughter!!
I can't help but ask--are you working the steps with your sponsor? do you have a sponsor? A councelor? In my darkest days of depression, I know that I was dependet on these people, and I had to believe, I HAD TO BELIEVE, that it would work, just HAD TO, because nothing else was. If it all failed, I could go back to my old way of life.
That was me also when I got here. I didn't smile and I didn't laugh. There was nothing to smile or laugh about...life was just tooooo serious. Along the way of this path called recovery I was spending a weekend with about 500+ Alateens at one of their conferences and a 16 year old member caught me in passing and told me, "Jerry F you don't look happy." I replied that she was right and that I didn't find anything to be happy about for the moment. She told me before she went back into the conference room, "Well Jerry F., you know, happiness is an inside job." From that I learned that happiness is always in me; I just need to express it as a happy personality.
Al-Anon's philosophy of having a personal "Attitude of Gratitude" helps me tons. No matter what ever else is going on in my life or the lives around me I have so much to be grateful for...just consider this board and the loving membership and their support. Now that's a gratitude!! Not only do we share our needs; we also share our gifts of support....and it's all f r e e!! I know a counselor I use to use who I think use to express some frustrations that the gains I was getting in program were costing him about $95.00 bucks and hour. Ooooooh to bad!! I also counseled and I never charged for something I got free. My sponsor warned me about charging for a 12th step.
So it's an inside job. It's in you. You know what happiness feels, and sounds like. Practice the old smile and laugh. Maybe that is all you need for now some practice.
my son falling on the floor feet in the air holding his tummy laughing, 
