The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, so they said the computer repairman had been behind, but hopefully it will be finished soon so I can do more than just post on my own needs and instead be able to also respond to yours as well.
I saw the A this week. He showed up unexpectedly Monday. My son was ecstatic so I let him stay on the couch. We said he considered time with him "rehab." Anyway we went to chuck e cheese yesterday and I told him I thought he should turn himself in, go to real rehab, etc. That this could be a real cross road for him. He said he knew I cared, but he didn't need rehab to detox so what could they help him with? Apparently my answer to that was too vague. I guess I didn't know concretely what the answer is. Anyway, when he left yesterday I missed him and wished I perhaps I hadn't lectured. I felt almost like I wish I had been more "fun". Does anyone else ever feel that way? Was I wrong to tell him how I feel? I find myself trying to detach now- not compulsively call him...thanks for letting me vent.
I'm only human I realised. The A couldn't tolerate me being that. I was supposed to be super human, great being, magnanimous to a fault, mother, fixer of everything and supreme mortal. I am human, I do the best I can all the time and I can't be anything more than that. Do you have to be so hard on yourself? I can't anticipate every single thing that an A needs, I tried I know where that got me. These days I am acutely aware of my limitations not in a way that means that I feel bad but as a way to sense that I have limits. When I was limitless the A certainly did not appreciate it one single bit.
I don't think it matters what you say. I use to try to choose my words carefully. Doesn't matter. They really are not listening. I think that our actions speak louder than words.
