The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH just entered a 28 day rehab program last week. What can I expect while he is there (will I have to attend therapy sessions at all), and what can I expect when he comes home (how he may act or how I should treat him)?
I really hope this works for him and I want to do everything I can do to help him. I'm just afraid that I will say or do all the wrong things (I know ultimetally it's his choice to drink again or not, but I don't want to give him "reasons" to drink).
How has it gone for others who have been in this situatuion? Thank you for any advice.
Well if you read the archives for this group you'll see people are all over the place in what they do after rehab. I don't think there is a crystal ball.
I do know that if I want to help others on any level first I have to help me. I don't know that I actually got that before. I gave until I was a "frenemy" rather than a "friend". I was absolutely toxic with resentment at over giving. So I would suggest coming here as often as you can and checking in with others. Build a support group for yourself. Identify, empathise with others, take the focus entirely off him. I dont' think this is neglect I think its learning to do the one thing many of us are so bad at - taking care of ourselves!
Hi... as a first step, I would contact the Treatment Center where he is going.... it has been my experience that most of these places offer this type of advice to family members, either through one on one counselling, or group sessions....
Welcome to MIP!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am so glad you came! Wow what a transition for you--after years of insanity and uncertainty, your loved one ships himself off to an environment where he will be confronted with what alcholism is, isn't; what he needs to do, can do, can't do, should do, shouldn't do, can expect of himself, can't expect of himself, and, importantly, of others. That's where you come in. Listen to the professionals, and to what they have to say. They've done this many, many times before. If they ask you to participate in an activity, no matter your misgivings, give it 110%. Remember, you get what you give. If they ask you to do something outside of the rehab center, do so. That's where al anon comes in. The grim reality is that 70% of rehab patients will relapse, for whatever reason. However, no matter what your loved ones do once rehab is over, you can move forward with your life. You can go to al anon meetings.You can consult and go to a professional for help on a regular basis to adress how you feel about the fact that, after years of centering your life around a person who centered their life on substances, they've made decisions to change. You can go to meetings where there are other people who understand your feelings (the 1,000s of'em!) and will support you 110%. You can get a sponsor, someone who's worked the steps of al anon, and ask them to take you through the steps your self, and work the steps using the literature. You can be there for the next person who comes in feeling unsettled, uncertain, and frightened, as you do now. You have an enourmous amount of power. You always did, believe it or not. It's that you were powerless against alchol. Don't be afraid to take it back now.
Strictly speaking from my experience, I am with Tiger on doing everything the facility recommends, in addition to Al-anon, Al-anon, Al-non. Attend the family days if they have them.
At our facility it was a blanket recommendation that the As not go home. That they should live in some type of sober living environment first. That sounded so impossible when I heard it. Well, you know what was impossible? Ah coming home. There is a saying that an A can't go home to an old idea. So true. Yes, he needs help, but you do too and things must change.
Also, when my a first came home from rehab, he soon wrote a contract basically making me the policeman. Not a position I recommend. Resentments toward me flared up in a hurry. I was set up for failure from the beginning.
I didn't begin al-anon until ah was out of rehab about a month and things were going downhill. I wish I had gone to as many as I possibly could before he completed rehab.
Good luck to you.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
This is the time for you to work your program. Go to as many Al-anon meetings as possible. Work with a sponsor. My sponsor told me to do everything that I would want A to do. If I wanted him to go to 90 meetings in 90 days then I needed to be willing to go to the same amount. I also suggest attending Open AA meetings and reading AA Big book. If you A does seek recovery and health, then the best way to be there for him is recovery and health.
