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hi all.i had my biopsy sat,my arm hurts,and i have 6 stitches..SAH HAD THE WEEKEND OFF WORK,{acually he has every weekend off}but he didnt want to take me,so i called a friend and she went with me to drive me back home, i got on the computer sat nite for few min and now i know why he didnt go he wanted to look at porn on the computer while i was gone...i went in the bedroom and said ,i know why you didnt want to to take me you wanted to look at porn then i left the bedroom and went in the livingroom....all weekend he has been in a mood,well every weekend he is like that,does not seem to care..he didnt make dinner or take the dogs out{one of the dogs is a great dane} or even take the trash out after i had the surgery....so lastnite i was getting something out of the freezer for dinner the next day,and he said in a tone what are you doing,i told him i was getting something out for dinner to put in the crockpot in the morning,i shut the door and he threw the glass he was holding,i told him im tired of his attitude,and acting like he doesnt care,and that his mood changes the sec a workday comes..{he is in a good mood when it is time to go to work}told him i was sleeping in the livingroom tonite,and i did..got up this morning and took him to work,he was in a good mood,when we got to his work he wanted a kiss and i said no he says come on,i said no he got out of the car mad and went in to work....if he is going to have this i dont care attitude then that is what im going to do..i do not deserve to be treated like this,none of us do...i think i made a mistake coming back to him..i should have stayed in ny he doesnt like it that i am starting to make friends here..but i dont care..it is my life and im not going to be controled...but as for the biopsy my arm really hurts and the swelling is pulling my stitches,i will know in 2 weeks if i have cancer when i go to get the stitches out..thanks for reading,and letting me vent sorry it is so long
Bev, I am so sorry that you aren't getting the support you need following something so scary as a biopsy for possible malignancy. I just finished treatment (11 months worth) for synovial sarcoma in my leg. Waiting for the biopsy report was so hard. I did not have the spousal problem, however, so that made a world of difference. I just posted yesterday about the effect my cancer and our son's problems have had on our marriage, so I can identify with the hurt one feels when you need your partner and that need isn't met.
Praying for your situation and that your biopsy news will be quick and positive.
I am glad you had someone to take you. I dont' know that I look at my time of dealing with the A as a mistake. I think I was still working out a lot of things. My limits were one of them. i had no limits with him. We existed in either a state of freezing each other out, conflict including out and out screamathons and him throwing and smashing stuff and then there were moments were he was "there'. I held out for those few golden moments for a long long long long time. At times he could be agreeable and pleasant and even motivated. They were few and far between but they were there.......
I was with the A for a good 7 years. I had some good times in those 7 years. I had some times I cherished. I made a home for us. I tried. I tried and I tried and I also behaved codependently. I can tell you when I was in deep knee deep, chin deep in resentment I was lost in the reactive mode. I thought I was taking care of me but I wasn't. When I started to take a step back, make that plan b, make that plan b day and night I started to change.
I took the A back lots of times until I had a plan b. Then when I had it I felt far far far more powerful and I stopped accepting some of his bad behavior. I stopped fighting, that was really really really hard to do but I did it. I stopped reacting to him.
I also started to focus on me and my issues. I neglected myself tremendously around the A. I started taking care of me. I started reaching out to others. I lived on this board for a long long time. I have to say it is still a huge part of my life. I come here every day to reflect and grow. I have left the A it was hard to do then I detached and detached and detached.
None of this happens over night. Lean on this group. I feel for you being so alone. I feel very very very alone most days but I feel much less conflicted since I let him go.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for your recovery from the biopsy, and also that you'll receive good news when you get the results.
Take Care of YOU. You deserve a rest after what you have been through.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
