The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A very good morning and Happy Sunday to you all. After reading some posts, I thought this might help us all. It was yesterday's meditation from: The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey & Martha Vanceburg (Hazelden 1991) This is an abbreviated version.
Freedom means choosing your burden. - Hepzibah Menihin
Everyone of us is haunted by fears of some measure. ....... During the moment of painful confrontation or the spell of overwhelming anxiety we learn only that we are feeling no joy, no peace, and probably no security. ....... We are free to reject all burdens and unhealthy conditions.
Looking anew at the struggles that confound us and accepting responsibility for them doesn't lessen them, perhaps, but it does restore our personal power.We are not powerless, worthless individuals at the mercy of our friends and coworkers. We are in partnership all the way, and any moment we each have the power to rewrite the terms of the contract.
I am free today to be who I want to be. To grow our not to grow. To feel joy or pain.
To me, this means that while things in my life may not be the way I want them to be, I have the power to change how I react to them. We are not at the mercy of our As. I can choose to react or not react to his drinking. I can choose how I react to the people around me at work, at home, with friends, with enemies. It is within me. I may be powerless over alcohol and the alcoholic. But I am not powerless to do something about my recovery. I can choose recovery or not. Hope this helps for those of you who are doubting about your ability to change. We all can. We can be better human beings. We can leave the monsters behind.
Love and blessings to you and your families and all the critters. Enjoy the weekend.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
How do I begin to change? Where do I start?? How do I not react to his drinking??
From my experience, when I began to contemplate these questions, the answers began to emerge. The answers came (and still do) from various sources: other people, books, and within myself.
I also find that by quieting my mind, solutions and answers come. I realize (at first) that it is extremely difficult for some of us to learn to get quiet; I had to work at it for several years, and I recall getting really frustrated with the process and setting it aside at times. I've learn that I can quiet my mind through gardening and sitting quietly while I focus on soft instrumental music (no lyrics!).
You are asking the questions, that is the first step. Some never ask. You are off to a good start!
tma, this is what has helped me. A is a disease. If H had cancer, he would go to chemo, feel sick, and likely not contribute to the family. When AH drinks, he will be out late, feel sick, and likely not contribute to the family. AH is not drinking because of me. AH is not drinking to me. I no longer look at the clock to see what time he is coming home. I am not counting the beers. Why? What difference does it make. I know he will be coming home too late and drinking too much. It's a given. None of this is b/c of what I have done or not done. I have been supportive. I have begged, pleaded, cried. The disease is stronger than I am. I cannot and will not win. I use the hangovers as an opportunity to get out of the house and do something for me -- visit friends, go somewhere new, have fun with my kids. Some days are harder than others. But I will not allow what he is doing to affect me. It took me 14 years into our relationship to learn this.
Not reacting to the drinking. Hmmmm this one is very hard for me. I can not react most of the time but there are still times when I just blow it all out of proportion.
I think I am getting better though. I am able to detach quite a bit more easily, the more I stick with my program.
Great post. Take Care. Give my love to Pipers and hubby.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I have to say eventually I did stop over reacting to his drinking. I left him to feel the consequences of his actions. That took a lot for me to do. i also started focusing on me rather than neglecting me to take care of him and his non stop never ending unrequited crisis.
