The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, as my other post goes...feels like HP is punishing me directly. Which isn't how I think about my HP at all. Now, the excutor of my father's estate calls. He, the other excutor and the lawyer want to sit down next week. The estate isn't closing because the auctioneer hasn't paid us. So, I have been recieving money from my father's business which is why I can be here with a roof over my head. I guess the excutor is getting mad and wants her cut. She is willing to take half of the check I get. How nice of her. I just want to roll out my laundry list one more time for y'all just to make myself feel better..... I lose the house I loved, that my mother paid most of the morgage of and where my babies were born, to forcoluser. I moved everything out of that house alone. No help. 3 times with moving men = 3000.00 I paid. I mean alone 10 years of love, family and memories by myself. alone.
This I do when ex relapsed the last time. My father was dying. It came down to me and his partner. His niece wouldn't do much, his sister didn't want to be around. I had to leave my kids alone sometimes to go and be with my father. He needed me. It was awaful. And ex couldn't stay sober for a minute to be with his kids who were losing their grandpa. Oh it was awful all the way around.
So, lost the house, dad is dead. Going to be inherating as I am the only child. Do an auction, turns out the auctioneer is a criminal, steals all the money from the things that meant so very much to my dad. Then my best friend sends her kids with my kids with my mom up to a camp and her daughter drowns, my children see this and I am not really sure still as to how to deal with this. The anger and hate and fear. And dealing with my kids. My 4 year old lost her best friend. I am dealing with that, I deal with her wanting to be up my butt 24/7, and I have to deal with me.
I lost my house, my husband, my mother, my father, my best friend, and a couple of other close friends, I move into a great house only to find out ex and GF live 2 blocks away and have broken into my house, stloe my mother's diamond ring, replaced the diamond with a cubic. They stole my mother's credit cards from her house and used them up. He raped me when I was at my most vunerable points. And he is "sober". He refuses to see his kids. They miss him alot, but are getting used to it for the time being. He refuses to pay support. My lawyer won't help me. The DV shelter won't help me. My one best friend has her own life and can only help me out so much. No one can help. Now, it looks at the very least, the amount that I get once a month is going to be cut in half. I cannot survive on what I get now, so, I am going to have to try to sell this house I just bought in may. I am going to have to move out of the school district that my kids have grown up in. Things are not looking good. I know I have done and said awful things but I feel like I have paid for it. WHy and I still getting slammed? And worse yet, it effects the kids. Couldn't God just look out for the kids? Can't someone care for my kids as much as I do? Why is it everyone in my life is only concerned with themselves?My God, these are sweet wonderufl little children and they are getting such a raw deal. I just can't stop crying.
I am supposed to go have a sit down with the excutors and the lawyer next Tuesday. I think that just might break me. I think I am going to lose it. I wounder how I am supposed to keep on it's all too much tonight.
Seems to me the issue is with the auctioneer and not with you and I don't really see how the executor has any claim to your income check. They need to go after the auctioneer because I'm sure you also got screwed in that deal. So what are you supposed to do? Ask the executor to come up with the money from the sale so you can get YOUR half? I thought it was the executor's job to dispose of the assets, pay all the bills and settle everything so why are YOU being asked to dole out money to her? That doesn't make sense.
Sometimes a fresh start is a good thing and I bet your money would go a lot farther somewhere outside of new york!
You have a lot of baggage there that it might be easier not to pack around with you anymore.
I don't think HP is trying to punish you, maybe he's just trying to make it unbearable enough that you do something different. Try changing your approach, think about your options, look around for places where your income can support you well so you don't have to struggle. That's what I'd do. It sounds like your income doesn't require you to stay in that place that you can get it anywhere so I'd go where I get more bang for the buck. By the way kids are very resilient and adapt to moving much better than us. Mine have moved numerous times and they're still ok, they have more stories to tell about places than any of the other kids.
O Serendipity, your story so touched me and I am so sad that your life has been so hard. You are doing so well dealing with all of this and it is no wonder that you are at your wits end right now and feel like you need to scream at the whole world.
I hear y' and it is remarkable that you have such a clear head to go through it all and write it down. Sometimes, in my experience, just writing it down can have a cathartic effect.
I tend to agree with CG, the message that seems to be coming through is that it is time to move away to a difference place, one that perhaps is NOT so expensive to live in, and does not have so many heart wrenching memories for you and the children. Leaving is hard and believe me I have done it and fought against the place I ended up in for 15 years before I accepted that this was were God was directing me. Now I accept it, albeit still with a tinge of sadness because it is NOT where I would rather be.
I too cannot understand the executor's ability or right to half of your money? Something does not sound right there, and as for the auctioneer that really does not sound right either. I think you should pursue those, and when you go to your meeting, perhaps it might be good if you cannot see if someone can go with you, someone impartial who is outside of your situation. In England we have an orgnisation called the Citizen's Advice Bureau who are all volunteers and when I had trouble, he came with me to listen and take notes because of the emotional element that is difficult to cope with when one is dealing with others with affects our circumstances. He had a knowledge of the law too and so was much able to understand the legal side of this, and knew my rights too.
Just wonder if you have any such resource there for you to tap into.
The children have a wonderful stability in you and that will help them along the way. You have us to love you and support you as much as we are all able to via this family.
Wish I could do more for you, however I can continue to pray for you and the children. I don't believe that God has it in for you...sometime we have to be at rock bottom before we actually really listen to what He has to say to us and that can be very difficult.
((((((( hugs )))))))))
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Well I feel when we leave the A sometimes it is really really hard for a few years. Last year was one of the hardest in my life and I've had many many hard years. Right now my focus is on what's in front of me. I have to get another job, maybe even two jobs for a while. I felt pretty upset about that for a long long time. The issue for me is that I am away from the A. I no longer try to influence his behavior at all. I have no idea really where he is except he is staying with an Uncle a hundred miles away. He still has ties to the area and comes back and forth. I make a point of not seeing him.
I know the A I was with was prepared to take every single penny I had and leave me homeless and starving. Do I continue to think that is a reflecton on my worth. Nope. Did I for a long time yes I did but I no longer do. I can change how i feel about him.
I do know that for the past year I leaned really hard on this board to put it out there what I was dealing with.
Eventually I found ways to deal with it. I do not like where I am living. In theory at least if there is a recession the rents will come down in my area I will be able to move then. I want to be ready to move then. I will need a lot of work to do that.
I know absolutely what it is to move/deal with/try to figure out everything on my own. I am incredibly isolated and have few resources.
I have a bit of a different attitude towards what comes up for me. I try to learn from it rather than see it as a punishment. I really do not want to have to rent again in a house with other people. I want to be past that. I am nevertheless where I am and beating myself up about it is not a way to get out of it.
I've dealt with estates and the death of my mother a few years ago. I found that really hard going. I really feel for that you have to deal with so much at the same time. I took 7 years to leave the A waiting for a time that was "better". There was really no better time. Al anon helped me enormously and therapy helped too. I got to a place where I really saw my needs were not being taken into consideration by the A. I eventually got to a place where I did not take it personally that he did not meet my needs.
As someone who has tried to get services from many many providers I can understand its a lot of slammed doors in your face, a lot of searching and shifting and being disappointed. I went to therapy with an organization for a few months, once I was employed I couldnt' get therapy anymore. In time I may be able to. I hope if I get the job I am applying for today that I can get therapy through that company/organization.
Sometimes it does seem like an incredibly frustrating and awesome burden to keep going out for help. Nevertheless I do know that the more I practice this program, set reasonable goals and keep my expectations in check I do get help. I may not be always able to use the help but I did get help. Right now I need a tremendous amount of help to do a lot of stuff, get medical, dental, glasses, find furniture for when I do get my place (the A took all of it). If i break it down I can work on that.
I try to do what I can this week. This week builds on next week. I have goals for the month, reasonable goals. I work on t hose and then I make new goals. I don't beat myself to smithereens over the A's choices, behavior and what he dumped on me.
. I just want to roll out my laundry list one more time for y'all just to make myself feel better.....
