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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Feeling alot of anxiety!
Post Info TOPIC: Feeling alot of anxiety!
desperate for help


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Feeling alot of anxiety!
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Hello all!
Me again........  Well AH has not drank since monday.  I know that it's just a matter of time before he starts up again.  He said he quit just to make me happy. (read thread "Am I being mean?)  I go to my first f2f tomorrow morning.  I am so nervous about it, I don't know why.  I guess because it's an admission that there really IS a problem, kinda like the A going to his first AA meeting. (My AH , by the way, says he doesn't need AA...yeah right!)  But, I know it's a good thing for ME to do.

Here's my current issue, tho.  My in-laws are taking the kids saturday night and AH want to go out to dinner.  My stomach turned when he said this b/c I am so paranoid if he has even one drink.  As you all know, they can't stop at one.  I told him (and yes I know this does not fix the problem) that if he drinks again, I am gone.  If he does drink, I have no idea what I will do.  My first thought is that on Modnay morning, I will pay a visit to my atty, retain her and file for divorce.  On the other hand, if I don't leave, then he just walked all over me, AGAIN, and we are back at the cycle.

I can't stand feeling like this.  I can't wait to sit in taht room with other people that understand.  You are all so wonderful here, but seeing the faces of those that are in the same boat as mine will be a life saver for me.

All I want is to be happy again.  I really want to feel it inside...I am so numb inside.  I feel nothing.....  I just feel blah......

Thanks, once again, for letting me vent and ramble.

I will keep all of my buddies in MIP in my prayers.

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nmike


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Run don't walk to the f2f meeting. You will no longer be desperate. Alanon has helped me so much. Keep coming back.

In support,
Nancy

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Karilynn


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(((((((Desperate))))))),

I agree with Nmike.  Getting to your first f2f will help you.  Boundaries are no good if you don't stick to them.  Telling him not to drink and not leaving is like grounding a child.  "Go to your bedroom and stay there!"  But hey the child has a TV, DVD, phone, games, etc.  weirdface Before you set those boundaries get some meetings under your belt.   Alanon will give you the tools you need to make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your family. 
I know it's hard to walk into your first meeting.  But you are not alone in this journey of recovery.  These are people who have been right where you are.  I think you have already addmitted that there is a problem.  After all, you've came here.  That's the first step.  Good for you. clap.gif   Please keep coming back to us.  Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty smile

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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
maresie


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I can give you my ESH. If I felt a lot of anxiety I did not go out with the A socially.  People pleasing really kept me in some awful places.  I am so glad that you find relief in this room. I come hee daily and it helps me tremendously.

Maresie.

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maresie
Jen


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So glad you are getting to a f2f. Maresie is right. You do not have to go out with him if it makes you too uncomfortable. I found that saying no and being honest about why really helped me. I felt like a wieght had been lifted off me when I realized that I did not have to be responsible for his reactions or feelings. So what if he's mad. That's really not my problem.

As for your dilema of what if he drinks. You did tell him you would leave, but leaving and divorce are two very different things. Many of us have separated from our A's, some of us long term.

One of the symptoms of this disease seems to be thinking of everything in terms of black and white, but life is not like that. There are usually several options.

Of course you really don't have to worry about it now anyway. Nothing has happened yet. That's the beauty of living one day at a time. We try not to project. When I start hearing myself asking "what if" questions I remember a reading in the ODAAT that says the answer to "what if" is "don't project". I do not have to make a decision about something that hasn't even happened yet. I can go on about my own business and take care of myself, so that when it comes time to make decisions about anything in my life, I will be emotionally stable enough to deal with it.

Glad you made it back here.

In recovery,

__________________

~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
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