The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
really trying to get to grips with old habits and old responses and learning to own my reactions.
The further I walk down this path of recovery the more courage I seem to be picking up.
To date I have owned a number of reactions that I now see as being OTT or unhealthy or just plain fear-based or learned reactions from years of suppression and repression.
Repressed by others, and suppressed by me.
I have noticed that just as habits take time to learn, undoing or changing habits takes time too. However, the support from this family and working the programme seems to be helping me to undo the harm done to myself much quicker. And, as I have had years of isolation and no source of support and teaching and sharing I am finding myself acting very much like a sponge that has been out of water for a very long time. I soak up the water pretty quickly.
However, I am aware that I do not want to simply soak this wealth of support and teaching; I want to grow from it, spread it about and savour it in my own life, and hope that others can see the changes taking place.
I am much more rational and less condemning of my self, and I find myself saying, " I hear what you say, just give me time to process it first before I make my decision. I will get back to you once I have thought the process through."
I no longer feel that I have to do, or comply to everyone's wants and I am thinking about the consequences to me and therefore on others if I do go along with their wishes. This is such a new experience for me.
I am still wary and still scared of doing, saying, thinking, and reacting OTT, inappropriately, or wrongly however, I feel that I am now back on the horse after falling off and that can only be good. In time I will start to trot, and even gallop and jump but for now I am walking and I am feeling happy that I have made it thus far.
I know it is early days, and I cannot see my progress out there, but I know that I am feeling it inside my heart, inside my head and inside my home. Has anyone else experienced these sort of feelings as they work through the sickness and begin to feel stronger and healthier?
If so I would love to know what the physical and emotional changes are that you have found taking place.
HB
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
So many changes, I don't know if I could possibly list them all.
One good one though is that my emotions do not scare me anymore. I am not afraid, most times, to voice my opinion. I can allow others the respect to deal with their own feelings in their own way.
I know that my own feelings are energy based and they will pass. They do not overwhelm me as often because I am not afraid to look at them and feel them and let them go. Of course I still have lapses, but I am learning to look into myself first when I am having problems and see where I went wrong in my thinking, assuming, expecting.
As for physical changes, I don't know. I have less back aches, eye strain headaches, etc. I get more exercise, that helps.
Mentally I am learning to detach and find my serenity. It gets a bit easier as time goes on.
I know one thing. I am really seeing your growth and it is amazing. That's one of the things that I really love about this program is watching people I care about grow and find some happiness.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
