posts past couple of days re work - Al-Anon Family Group

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

posts past couple of days re work

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I've certainly been there with all of this. I was once incredibly triggered by all this stuff. I still can be. I am consistently under employed and not making enough money. I have always been on the poverty level. Today I have worked 13 hours and it is a hard hard slog. I am looking for other work and need to line something else up quickly and I know I need to be realistic about what I can get. I am better able to detach from stuff but I do find it hard going most days.

maresie.

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the only way to avoid a dysfunctional workplace is to open your own business and even then you're taking your chances LOL. I don't think I'm "disliked" at work I just think I'm easily overlooked or forgotten. My job is very solitary in a place where most people have to interact with others here, rarely does anyone need to interact with me. So I guess I just slip under the radar. But that makes it easy to sit all day reading posts on mip LOL. Maybe we should all join up and open a business where we can all be respectful of eachother and know what we're doing...

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

carolinagirl wrote:

I think the only way to avoid a dysfunctional workplace is to open your own business and even then you're taking your chances LOL.

Amen to that! I can't recall a single job I've had over the past 25+ years where I didn't encounter dysfunctional folks (including myself, but I'm getting better LOL).

I LOVED the last job that I had as an assistant manager at a small barbecue place. It didn't take long before the boss had brought his wife in to help out. She was bipolar, had Tourette's syndrome, and had a bad habit of going off of her meds, which I know is common with folks with bipolar.

She would come to work with hair so greasy it looked like she had dipped it in a vat of chicken fat. She would get confused at the cash register, make mistakes, freak out, and I'd have to come over and correct them.

Add in the two small girls, ages 2 and 4, running rampant in the restaurant, and it turned out to be a nightmare.

Not surprisingly, the business finally went bellyup.

Last I had heard, she had filed for divorce, then they dropped the divorce, then she left town to be with him, and finally he had brought her back, dropped her off at her house now devoid of any furniture or appliances, and left with her vehicle.

I am SO thankful I don't have that job any more!

Peggy7 · ~*Service Worker*~

This list helped me see myself and how I can make progress in certain areas, hope it helps you too.

The workplace laundry list is a list of 24 statements that describe many of our thoughts and interactions at work. This list is a creative adaptation of The Laundry List (Problem), which is a detailed look at the 14 traits of an adult child. The workplace list shows how we can attempt to recreate our dysfunctional family roles at work or in some social settings. While working the Steps and attending meetings improves much of this behavior, the workplace laundry list further focuses our efforts to improve ourselves outside of meetings. Many ACAs have used this list to identify and change their ineffective behaviors. The qualifier mentioned in these statements is the person who infected us with the disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction.

Working at the Laundromat A checklist for ACAs in the Workplace

1. We confuse our boss or supervisor with our alcoholic parent(s) or qualifier and have similar relationship patterns, behaviors, and reactions that are carryovers from childhood.

2.

We confuse our co-workers with our siblings or our alcoholic parent(s) and repeat childhood reactions in those working relationships.

3. We expect lavish praise and acknowledgement from our boss for our efforts on the job.

4. Authority figures scare us and we feel afraid when we need to talk to them.

5. We get a negative gut reaction when dealing with someone who has the physical characteristics or mannerisms of our alcoholic qualifier.

6. We have felt isolated and different from everyone around us, but we dont really know why.

7. We lose our temper when things upset us rather than dealing with problems productively.

8. We busy ourselves with our co-workers jobs, often telling them how to do their work.

9. We can get hurt feelings when co-workers do things socially together without asking us, even though we have not made an effort to get to know them and join in the social life.

10. We are afraid to make the first move to get to know a co-worker better, thinking they will not like us or approve of us.

11. We usually do not know how to ask for what we want or need on the job, even for little things.

12. We do not know how to speak up for ourselves when someone has said or done something inappropriate. We try desperately to avoid face-to-face confrontations.

13. We are sensitive and can get extremely upset with any form of criticism of our work.

14. We want to be in charge of every project or activity, feeling more comfortable when we are in control of every detail, rather than letting others be responsible.

15. We may be the workplace clown to cover up our insecurities or to get attention from others.

16. We are people-pleasers and may take on extra work, or our co-workers tasks, in order to be liked and receive approval from others.

17. We do not know how to be assertive in getting our needs met or in expressing a concern. We may have to repeatedly rehearse our comments before delivering them.

18. We have felt that we do not deserve a raise, promotion, better workspace, or a better job.

19. We do not know how to set boundaries, and we let others interrupt us. We can accept more work without knowing how to say no appropriately.

20. We are perfectionists about our own work and expect others to be the same and have the same work ethics and values.

21. We become workaholics because it gives us a feeling of self-worth we did not get as a child.

22. We may jump from job to job, looking for the perfect position as a substitute for the secure and nurturing home environment we did not have.

23. We get upset when people do things that affect us or our work without asking us first.

24. We have a high tolerance for workplace dysfunction and tend to stick it out in an unhappy job because we lack the self-esteem to leave.

Adult Children Alcoholics/Dysfuntional Families (the ACA Big Book), pp. 417-419

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Ouch Peggy7, that sure did ring true!!! I have had some great learning experiences through work, though. In a way, its a good place to practice new behaviors. I have had the experience of a job being so toxic I was unable to physically go through the door anymore. My body just totally would not allow it. It was really a strange experience. It was like I was going to throw up if I went through that door anymore and you know what? I went home and called and told them I quit. And I found another job that was better (ANY job would have been better than THAT one) I needed to honor the wisdom of my body. I knew that job was literally killing me inside. J.

PS: for what its worth I have had my own business and it got so big and complicated it started running me, so be careful what you wish for... having your own business can be a whole other level of toxic workplace mania and one where you feel like you really cannot get out of it because its YOURS and all your employees/clients are counting on YOU.

-- Edited by Jean4444 at 19:34, 2008-01-09

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.