The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was thinking about it after I calmed down yesterday and I decided this really wasn't such a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, this completely changes the way I feel about a few people at my job. I had told my boss repeatedly that I wanted to go and asked when they were going, even tried to set up going. She is the kind of person who talks to everyone like they are her best friend but it's just phony fluff. So I have decided that when she pretends to be nice to me it's just more phony fluff. Honestly, if she was not a self absorbed person who actually liked me then the thought of me would have crossed her mind when the planning began and she would have taken five seconds to pick up the phone and call me. Sooo, from now on I have decided it will be strictly business with her, no more joking around and acting like buddies because as far as I'm concerned it's just the same crap she pulls with everyone. Just gonna show up, do the bare minimum (no opportunity for advancement in this job anyway) and get on with the other areas of my life.
The positive thing I realized is that the only thing people talk about here is other people. Sooo by not going, I may have lost out on a shared experience to build friendships on but on the other hand I'm sure I saved myself from being gossiped about behind my back. I have heard the boss talking about others I work with and frequently wonder what she says behind my back. Not that it matters.
The reason I stick out here is because I am from the west coast and everyone else here is from here and has never left North Carolina. There are very small minds here who don't discuss things like world events and news and politics. They only talk about other people. ALL DAY LONG! And I'm not exaggerating. I have shared a lot of personal things about my life with my boss and believed she was my "friend" or at least liked me. I have decided that my thinking was wrong in that area and that she merely placates me by pretending to listen. People here are very judgmental of others and I frequently stand out because I speak out about these things. I contradict things that people say and believe because I have the ability to think in terms of us (as in humanity) rather than Me. I am a very liberal person and this is a very close minded conservative area and I don't fit in and THANK GOD for that!
I guess it's not such a bad thing not to be included with people like that and the more I think about it the more I think I'd rather not work with people like that either. The only reasons I stay here are because:
1 the job is easy and I know how to do it well now. 2 My boss doesn't really care what I do as long as it looks good and she doesn't pay attention at all unless there's a crisis. So basically no supervision. 3 I love the schedule and the money and benefits are fairly good.
The boss at my new job, who I like a lot always says:
You can choose your friends and you're spouse but you can't choose your coworkers! So get over it! LOL
I'm over it. I will still be changing the way I relate to several of them, I'm done trying to be friendly. It's just business and just a job and I'm not here to make friends. The less they know the less they have to gossip about!
Loneliness is huge for me. One way I manage it at the moment is to be busy. Nevertheless I am very isolated. A friend of mine who is in AA talks a lot about having support. I have not had that much success in creating it other than in this room. Believe me I am hugely grateful for this room where I can come and be "real" daily.
I know this is a issue I need to work on.
Congratulations on refining your boundaries. I try to do that a lot. I am not that adept at it but I do it. I never did it before and ended up with the A.
I am really happy to hear this. You be you, and if gossip is all they are interested in, it just shows how small their minds are.
You seem to be to have a much more diverse mind and thought process. The wider your horizons the more you see, so keep on CG and I am really hoping that you will truly enjoy your birthday with your children around you. You can never to alone with children around.
You are not the first and you will not be the last to share with others that have no idea of the honour of sharing...so keep a kind heart, keep your head down and go home to the ones who really love you, your children and this wonderful family.
Good for you. Love, HB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Good going CG. I think you just had a bit of a revelation about the kind of people you want to seek out as friends. :) They really don't sound like top candidates for the job to me. Keep up the good work. Wish I could give you a real hug and trade watching the kids with you.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
