The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night was tough. It was the first New Years eve without my bf in 9 years. It was sad but i got through it. I do admit that I did email him, but all I said was Hapy new Year. Ok, its a process I know, I shouldn't have any contact at all but I think I did good. I came on here and read, cried alot and read, listened to music and went to bed. I just miss him terribly. Thanks for listening.
You did the best you could at that moment. The holidays can be very lonely times. Be gentle with yourself. Baby steps my friend. May 2008 bring you love and joy for yourself. Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Wen - I know it's hard. A friend ended up calling me last minute and we went out for awhile. That's kinda a lonely feeling, seeing all the couples all happy and celebratory. I understand the email contact. I emailed my A just to say Happy New Year, too. No response so far. (silly me.....) I'm at a point (thanks to this program) that I honestly don't want anything from him, but I'm still not at the point where I want to lose all contact completely (for reasons that I don't think include keeping the door open a little). Anyway - you made it through the night - and you're still going. You're much stronger than you imagine. Baby steps. Hang in there.
My thoughts are with you as you survive the loss. How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams has been my constant companion this past month.
Here's some tips that may or may not help, followed by a poem.
Don't try to rekindle the old relationship. Futile attempts at reconciliation are: painful, anti-healing, a waste of valuable energy, irresistible.
Resist: To give up this final hope may be the most difficult challenge of all.
Invest your energies in healing and growing in yourself, in new relationships and in life.
Learning to let go can be one of life's greatest lessons.
The layers I have put around the pain of your going are thin.
I walk softly through life, adding thickness each day.
A thought or a feeling of you cracks the surface.
A call to you shatters it all.
And I spend that night in death.
spinning the first layer of life with the sunrise.
Here's another tip: Make a pact with a friend to help you resist the urge to contact. The support of another will help you and you will not feel so alone.
She asked me if seeing you was a drain.
Seeing you is not a drain.
It's a sewer.
Wen, can you tell I love this book? It makes me laugh, cry, feel (ugh), heal and deal.
Keep coming and posting yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I know I should cut all contact with him and as for today. Not one word from either one of us. But I keep coming back to the computer and waiting. Im waiting for him to stop all this and say he is sorry and stop all the nonsense. But I KNOW it wont stop, it will go on. Im just in mourning now. im trying to let go and let God but it is hard after so many years of taking care of him. I miss him terribly!
It is hard to let go of traditions. Now that I look back I don't think that my AHsober was having that much fun. He was always looking to get out of the relationship. This is after 30 years. We spent every New Year's together. Watched the Super Bowl. Go skiing a t Christmas. So you did good. For two years my AHsober left Christmas saying he was going out with the gang for New Year's. Turns out that he ended up spending it alone. Let's have fun.
I sent 4 text messages to my A. Felt guilty- then decided to give up the guilt for 2008. Used to I would have kept calling and leaving messages, etc. I think it is all a process- and as they say one step at a time. By the way, told myself I wouldn't contact him all for New Year....do feel bad about lying to myself.
