The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just joined and Thank you for the FAQ's they were helpful. I stumbled apon this website tonight in hopes of finding a chat for al anon. I have not really became a member of any al anon meetings in my town yet, but I did sit in on one but I was late so no one knew I was a newcomer. My husband is an alcoholic, we just recently admitted it. He says he is, I think he beleives it but I'm not sure. Last Thursday he drove drunk and wrecked my car (the only one we had because he wrecked our other one 2 years ago and didnt have insurance to get it fixed). I called the cops to file a police report, he was passed out in bed. Luckily my sister was with me when I came home to the mess and she told me that's what I should do. The cops wanted to talk to him.. long story short, he got arrested for disorderly conduct (sober he is a super nice guy.. jeckle and hyde!). He has to go to court for hit and run and failure to report an accident, luckily they can not get him for DUI. Anyhow.. he went to 3 AA meetings in a row since (this was all only a week ago) then said he was going to work on reading the book instead. Well, tonight we were sippose to go see a cool art exibit and I come home to a note that says he had a really bad day and he'll talk to me tommorrow (he was sleeping already). I talked to him for a second and he said he did drink. I left it at that, tried not to get too emotional... I can't controll him.... it's hard to let go of that. I read all these women on here talking about how it's been years... after years... after years. We've been married 3 years, he's always been a drinker, but only in the last 1.5 yrs has it been going down hill with his drinking. His mom tells me to leave him! His dad is an alcoholic... none of them have spoke to him in years. She doesn't want what happened to her to happen to me. That is extremely hard to deal with... what if she's right? what if she's wrong? I dont want to waste my young years. I don't want to put off having children until he stops drinking to find I'm too old to have kids anymore. I love him dearly... I don't know how much time to give him... give myself?? I guess if anyone has any insite I could sure use it!
This may not be the insight you were hoping for but all I can offer you is this suggestion: Try another face to face meeting. Try as many as it take until you find one that "fits" - that is where you feel at home and welcome. It took me nearly a year once I moved to Ohio to find a couple of very good meetings.
I will say this recovery from alcoholism IS possible. My husband is recovering for nearly 13 years this December. However, I did not know him while he was drinking so I cannot really speak to your situation specifically.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and an older brother who is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. Both of which are still active addicts and neither of which belives there is a problem. Sad but true. This is a disease.
Anyway - all I can share here is that alanon has been a miracle for me. When I attend meetings regularly and share here at this site and read the alanon literature and speak with my sponsor- I can be calm and without all the chaos of my mind chatter... it helps to curb the "What if" syndrome I would suffer on a daily basis. "what if he drinks / steal / gets angry / gets violent" "What if I can't help / fix / predict" "What if people find out what my life is really like"...
Hello and welcome to MIP , I would like to suggest that before you make any life altering decissions that you attend Al-Anon meetings for a few months and see how u feel then . What if , if only are really usless words but we all ask them over and over again . Your husb drinking is causing you a probleml and until he says what he's doing is causing h im a problem . IT ISN'T . No one has the right to tell u to stay or go that is your decission to make . I believe that this prog is what made it possible for me to stay in my marriage I was not ready to leave my home nor did I want to. I learned here to l ook at things differently and to take responsibility for my part in this disease , yeah we do have a part . You will find support in our program from people who have been where your at and can help u walk thru it by sharring thier own experiences . I really hope u will give us a try . Louise
May be some repetition here, but I would also suggest going to face to face meetings for a while. This is for you. It will help you to take the focus off of him and his drinking and put it on you and your living.
Al-anon will gently love you as you learn about the disease of alcoholism and how it can effect you and give you tools to use for life. It will also help you to understand yourself enough to know what is the right decision to make regarding your future.
Keep coming back here too, there are a lot of wonderful people here with a whole lot of priceless information and a whole lot of love.
