The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
when I was totally fused to the A I used to wonder what people were talking about when they made the suggestion get busy. I was so busy obsessing about him, fretting, grieving, raging I did not have much space for anything else.
lately I have been letting go of him, not thinking about him, deliberately not knowing. I do not know where he is or what he's doing. I've refused to take calls about jobs for him not because I hate him but because I am not going there.
Lately I am tremendously busy just trying (and trying is the operative word) to take care of me and my pets which is a tremendous task. Where I live is tremendously tremendously dysfucntional and I'd love to get out of there. I konw for sure it won't be anywhere near the A. So I have to work super hard now at 2 jobs to try to chip away at my enormous debt so someday I can move. I feel tired, fed up, and resentful but its not focused on the A. For once I do not think about him 24/7.
I had no idea what people were talking about when they made their suggestions but I do know it helps to be super busy and focus on a future which will not include him on any level.
It is almost like a weight is lifted when we stop thinking about the A all the time and I find the al anon tools have me also aware of how not to get drawn into the stuff of the others besides the A. It is just wonderful that we can recognise or be aware of the dysfunction of some of the other folks around us. Before I became aware of this I would get lost in all the chaos of anyone who talked to me. Frees up some time from fretting, worrying for others and being exhausted by everyone else's stuff instead of just taking care of my own stuff.
You are so right that it takes lots of work and lots of trying but sure is worth it. You are doing so well but also work at remembering to give yourself some TLC too. (-:
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Yes, I find that they are skills for life and have helped me so much. I can now detach far better than what I used to and put things to bed when they need to go. Keep busy and concentrate on you and the pets, you're doing so well, I'm proud of you,
For me, I found that the getting busy got my mind off of him. When I was too busy thinking about everything else I didn't have time to think about him anymore. I think being outrageously busy at first and then letting up as you get more detachment is the way to go. At least it was for me. Two jobs should do it!
yes busyness is good although I have a strong workaholic tendency which of course is completely endorsed and congratulated in the US. My problem is that I just need to keep busy and not turn it into a "martyrdom moment". So, I gotta "do" and shut up about it. I found myself using the workaholism as a tool to manipulate. But just not talking much about it or drawing any attention to it with others helped get that under control. I totally agree with that super busy and then take it down a few notches into the manageable range. Too much work/busyness can lead me right back into the world of insane unmanageablitiy where I am running all over and killing myself in order to get things done I said I would do. It can be a fine line for me, I could very easily use it like the alcoholic uses booze.
