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My AH is a jerk tonight and we did try to talk off and on the last couple days until he became smug, belligerant and immature. I told him I had several things to talk with him during this quiet weekend. We've had a about 15 minute conversation 3 times over the last 2 days. Taking it slow, concise without tangents and planned so I didn't lose him or confuse him. It had gone well. Then the next time he said he had 3 minutes I could talk to him. I must have gone to 10 as he was rude and smug. I just walked away.
Later, I told him I was very angry with his actions and if he wanted to talk further that I would be upstairs and might have a few minutes for him. And walked away. Shortly he came up and stared at me, no words just tried to intiminate me and probably confused that I didn't scare easy and give HIM an apology. Just held my ground and looked at him directly until he turned and walked away.
We've never had this much of a stand off but the al anon tools kept me strong so I could say "might be just as well" vs burst into emotional tears. Now he keeps alluding to it - that he has had it and threatening to split up without saying the actual words. I think he is even trying to stake a claim on the bedroom. What a dolt, I am more dissappointed in him than angry now.
One son was at a friends and the other son went to Target with me for an hour..... just needed to get out of this house. When I returned he had the house dark and closed up for the night. Trying to make a statement?....wierd, other than he wants the bedroom maybe. No comment from him and he went to bed about 2-3 hours earlier.
I picked up the son from a friend and got the boys to bed. Bazaar behavior on AH's part but feel strangely calm about it all and plan to just see what happens tomorrow. Spent some time looking at state guidelines about mortgages, custody etc and feel like what ever happens I can manage probably - finances could be messy so I will get going on that now. This is a great gift Al Anon has given me as I wouldn't have had that calmness even 6 months ago. This may be a catalyst for some big changes together or apart - I am ready as this environment and resentment for providing all the home makerly jobs and most all the parenting which allows him to be free to do as he wishes, needs to change somehow for my health to improve. I manage depression and his lack of support can have an impact...... I've got to stop letting that happen. I guess seeing the truth of what matters the most to him, not me, is a slap of reality. Somehow it easier to deal with reality than hopes and dreams. Sometimes reality bites but maybe in the end I can create a new and better reality for myself.
needing hugs this time ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Yeah, that slap of reality really stings, doesn't it! I got a big dose of that myself today.
It sounds like you did a good job staying calm and standing your ground. How great that you are looking out for yourself and looking up state guidlines for separation. I got as far as getting a newspaper for the town we will move to, but got so emotional just threw it away.
You are worth so much more than you are getting. It really does come down to admitting that no matter how bad we want it, our ah cannot/will not provide us with what we need. Ultimately, its up to us! Thanks for the reminder.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
You are doing the right thing in my opinion by finding out what your rights are. Speaking to an attorney just in case is ALWAYS a good back up plan. They say a proper divorce takes about a year to plan out. Saving money, counseling children, ect. You stuck to your guns and you should be proud of yourself!! Good job. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you starred him down, I can picture it in my head. You are in my prayers. I hope you have peace the rest of the weekend. :)
It's said that when one person attends alanon, the whole family benefits by the steps and principles of this program. By your refusing to go to every fight you are invited, you are promoting a healthier environment for you and your children.
Keep coming, keep working this program.
It works if you work it and YOU ARE WORTH IT!!
your in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Even tho you know you do the right thing it is sometimes scarey because of their reaction. They are underdeveloped and immature. They manipulate and control and that is why we feel uneasy. Alanon say focus on the self and that is exactly what you did. Keep it up.
needing hugs this time 
