The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One good thing about this weekend is that I finally feel like I am moving on from the A's chaos. I am not being pulled into my housemates chaos and craziness. I refuse to go into that kind of over involvment again. I keep my stuff firmly focused on my needs, what I need to do and where I am going. I don't go any further than that. I am incredibly lonely but incredibly busy trying to make money to pay down incredible bills. In time I will have more time to play. Right now I am survving but I am surviving better than I have been. I refused to catastrophize anymore. I refuse to have a life that is miserable and that involves giving up me all the time.
Maresie, I have an idea of what you are talking about. I do that too. Its like nose to the grindstone!! it takes discipline but I think its working for me, too. I almost got sucked in (or ran down the rabbit hole or got on the roller coaster, etc.) recently but I am beginning to understand the red flags. Not to say i wont get sucked in again at some point but I will know enough to pull my self out or seriously have a conversation with myself about the pros and cons of getting sucked in again. I know that feeling- I am D-U-N DONE with boo hooiing and poor me and life is so hard. I am keeping the focus on me. I have only arrived here because of al anon. I just figured out that the steps are here so I can keep focussed on myself- the steps keep my attention on ME and no one else. I need to find a step study, I think. Anyway, just wanted to let you know I can relate. I am working my ass off too. But in a way, it feels good because its all about me taking care of my shit. Its fierce.
Hi Marasie! I have said many times before but will do again...I am so proud of you and encouraged by you. What you have done was anything but easy. You knew that your life could be different and you made it. We all have to put the hard work in and go without.
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I read something somewhere (might have been here?) and they said that maybe a person wasn't lonley, maybe they were experiencing peace. That really changed my perspective. I am peaceful. I thought I was lonley without the A but really, I am content. I have grown comfortable in my new life. I still get sad and mad but being "alone" is really very peaceful and there is nothing wrong with that!!! I think I will let my married friends envy me for a bit. I don't have to compromise, or check in, or deal with another adult and the things they do and say. Freedom has been hard and not free but so worth it today.
i certainly do see how some of my charactor defects contributed to me staying with the A. I also think I had nothing like Al anon to back me up. Two years into al anon I found the courage to leave. I think it takes great courage to leave and great courage to stay. I no longer trust the A on any level and cannot do it to myself anymore to stay with him. Life with him was much much harder than it is without him.
