The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
... that "when you get busy you get better", my ah should be on the fast track to recovery. HA! So, with the diversion program he must attend 90 AA meetings in 90 days (over the holidays,should be interesting), a professionals group twice per wk, have a psych eval, weekly counseling by a recovery specialist, and must call in every day and be available to go for random drug/alcohol testing. Oh, and he also needs to meet with his sponsor and try and keep our business afloat with the 32 hr work week they are allowing him. If he fails to do any of this, he is considered noncompliant. Yikes!
Here is the wierd part.... I am okay with all of this. Tentative? Absolutley. Fearful? Uh huh. But, I recognize that it has come down to being the only possible way to his sobriety and to maintaining our livlihood (which doesn't look so great at this moment). I realize I truly am powerless and can't control it , thus can only do my part, so I am getting another job and will be working 4 days per week. The only thing keeping me from 5 days is that on Mondays I go to al-anon and counseling, and if I work I will have to completely give them up since leaving the house at night is not an option. So, in my mind, I have rectified it as "work" too, necessary to support my family by giving us all some sanity. To be honest, my biggest concern about working almost f/t is getting dinner on the table every night!
So, the other night ah tells the kids that he is going to have to see them less during the week because he has so much to do. Ya' think? However, he doesn't explain why he must do all this extra work. I've realized that keeping our kids protected has not helped. They haven't known about the drugs and although they know about the aism, they have rarely seen him drunk. All thier interactions with him since rehab have been very positive, so they are thinking, "what is the problem?" It really is rather mysterious to pretty much everyone but me and his staff. My poor daughter thought the aism was all gone and he was all better. Now, she doesn't want to talk about it.
We have started family counseling and I think it is going to be good. My daughter had to miss the first session, but will be included from now on. A good analogy used was that our family is like a 4x4 truck stuck in the mud. It has the potential to go forward and backward, but instead just seems to be spinning its wheels and staying in one place, and that is what is so frustrating. However, when I brought this analogy to my personal counselor, she disagreed and pointed out that by not gunning the engine and just slowing down and putting something under the tires for traction, we can climb out. And, that is what we are doing. I liked that version better, because it gives credence to the endless holding pattern I feel I am in.
If you've been with me this far, thank you. Just my early morning thoughts. I really appreciate this board and feel like I receive way more than I give. Most of the time I just don't feel like I have the e,s, or h to really give the support needed by many of you. Even so, you are all in my thoughts and prayers as we trudge along together.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
(((((Lou))))) You seem to be doing ok for now to me. I think you have plenty of ESH for us. You have much exp with an A and family and children. Many of us sound good talking to others but have a hard time putting our Alanonese into practice, just like you. We are all learning as we go along, and as we share the principles are clarified in our own mind. Many times we share what we know,but have not yet mastered.LOL I just wanted you to know you are of great value to this forum.
So my one question is, do you have a plan B? We all want him to succeed, but if he doesn't, what are you going to do. I had started putting a little money away to pay bills or at least for gas to get to a job or meetings. Also I had started working on a mindset that would allow me to look for help elsewhere if needed (for hay and firewood mostly).
Just some things to think about. His recovery is all about him, but you do not have to just sit on pins and needles waiting. There are things you can probably do to be self sufficient and responsible, regardless of what he does.
I think it is wonderful that you had the forethought to not forgo your meeting and counseling for the sake of the job/money. They are as important if not moreso. Money obviously will not fix the family. But working this program and getting help for the kids will.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
