The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just two weeks ago I had what I thought was a somewhat normal life, just what I thought I suppose. I am so hurt, scared, confused and so many mixed feelings right now I don't even know what to do. My fiance and I split, two weeks tomorrow. He has been seen by me with another woman, called his mother to tell her he was killing himself, found drunk in a motel room, lost his job and sold his prize truck for a few hundred dollars and some crack. Today he calls me at work to tell me he's leaving because he was thrown out of his new apartment. Said he had gone beyond anywhere he had ever been before and it was more than he could take. Said he was not at all thinking of suicide though. Just had enough and that he was crazy and needed to get away. I don't know if he meant he was leaving town or exactly what he meant. Asked me to not call the police or anyone else to look for him. He wants my son to go to his job and get all of his tools worth a few thousand so he says and do as he wishes with the. I know that maybe this post makes no sense to some, my life is making no sense to me right now. I can't even thing straight, like a whirlwind has thrown everything I've known for so many years away. He has been clean, sober and hard working up until two weeks ago. This totally caught me by surprise since we didn't even split for relationship reasons, we had a good relationship or so I thought. I don't even know what else to say, I feel so alone and it's horrible.
If they are addicts then they become very good at lying and hiding the turth. They lead a secret double life sometimes. Not saying that this is your situation. My AHsober left after 30 years of marriage. He threatened now and then but always came back. Alanon with the mtgs and the literature and the tools have helped me to get over the shock and loneliness that keep me from having a good life. Hang in there.
I do agree with Nancy, the double life is why you are in shock. I too have taken years to get over the shock and loneliness, and it still keeps me from having a good life at times, and I am not over it all yet, I still have days that it hits me like a runaway train when I lest expect it.
It is my experience that nothing seems to make sense when we are in shock and it is probably best not to try to make sense at these times.
It is probably acceptance of what is at this time that will help you most, as it has me.
Being reminded of the STEP ONE in EACH SITUATION, and then realising what this means in the situation we find ourselves in at that time.
You are not alone, may God be with you and may you feel His loving arms supporting you right now.
God Bless, with love, Heartbroken
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Definitely been there done that. This year my former boyfriend A went from being housed and employed (sort of) to homless. He is now living out of a clunker. He's been through the dramatic save me stuff too. That can be incredibly wearing. Al I would say in ESH is take care of yourself in this roller coaster you can end up totally exhausted and drained. I had no boundaries and lost a lot. These days I have a lot of boundaries. I know for me sooner or later the call will come where he has nothing at all. I will have boundaries then too. I'm far beyond the shock stage. This is like grief there are stages, there is also the bargaining stage where I tried with eveyrthing I have to pull him out of this decline. That lasted for a wihle but I found after all my efforts I had limits. i could not do it, he had to do it.
