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Last night was hell night. I got home from work, picked up the little ones from daycare and then went to pick up the oldest at her school dance. We got home after grocery shopping and I told her to fold clothes and do the rest of her chores. That's where it all started...
She started complaining and I told her to just hush and fold the clothes. She always complains when it's time for her to work, or she feels sick, has to go lay down, will do it in a minute, etc. This went back and forth only lately she has been speaking to me in a horrible tone and glaring at me and she goes on and on and on and won't stop no matter what. She pushes peoples buttons until they want to pummel her and then runs for the door when they finally get up (not just me but any adult watching her).
So last night I finally walk over to her and I'm screaming and she jumps up and runs for the door. Her new MO for the past few months is that if she thinks she's going to get hit she runs out the door screaming and attracting the attention of all the neighbors. Mind you we just moved from a house to a condo last month...
So I get up and run for the door too and am shutting it and she's 1/2 way through and I'm so fed up with her pulling this crap! She gets a little squished in the door but she is screaming out the open door like someone is pulling out her fingernails - a blood curdling scream and screaming child abuser. Finally I get her in and shut the door and I'm CERTAIN the police will arive at any moment because it sounded like someone was being murdered.
A few minutes later she goes out the door and I lock it and get a box and go into her room and pack up everything that is important to her and take it to my closet. I'm completely enraged and have no idea what to do! I have two other children who I could possibly lose if I beat the daylights out of her which is what I really want to do at this point. She has completely crossed the line from testing the limits to being all out defiant and basically calling me out as to what I'm going to do about it. I'm liking the prospect of the police coming and taking her to a foster home at this point.
Meanwhile, she is outside ranting and raving as loud as she can. She is viscious with her attacks and will use anything she can pull out of her booty as ammunition. All these various excuses as to why she is behaving this way. At the same time attacking me personally she hates me, I don't love her, she is going to run away, she is going to go use drugs, get pregnant, all the kids she knows do this that and the other and she's good. ETC. She's yelling the entire time and at this point I'm trying to get her to calm down and come into the house.
After two hours of trying to get her to come in she finally does and she's spitting all kinds of nasty words at me and I'm crying and hugging her and telling her I love her and that it hurts me when she acts this way. She's crying too and saying I don't love her. Then it's back to demanding her things back and emotional blackmail she's going to kill herself, she won't be there in the morning, she's running away, she has a bag packed so I take that too and put it in the closet with the other stuff.
Finally I go to bed and tell her to do the same. She's at my door for the next 15 minutes wanting to continue the argument about her getting her stuff back. This morning I get her up for school and she starts in again with the same attitude. She says she's not going to school. She doesn't have anything to wear because I took all her clothes that fit her good, she almost misses the bus and says she's not going to school she's skipping. I tell her I'll call the school and the police and report her as a truant if she does. She hasn't done her homework, it's all due tomorrow to catch up from the trip. She has already missed 2 more days than allowed for this semester.
I have talked to several people who have raised teens around work and the majority of the consensus is whoop her butt and put her in her place she needs to understand that I can't be intimidated and that I am in charge. The parenting sites say to just basically let her do whatever she wants and have a few things that have rules but mostly as long as she's doing her chores/ getting good grades she runs rampant. I lean more toward the former than the latter. I have tried talking and being nice to her and it doesn't work. She has no appreciation of everything I do for her to have a decent life. I'm fed up and completely at the end of my rope!
I would love to have some advice, experience, tips. (I tried the one from FOY from my last post about taking everything) That just made her more angry and act out even more. I have to go home and face this in a few hours and I shouldn't have to DREAD going home, that's why I moved out and left the A, now it's like I have another one in my life that I can't just put out!!! She's home alone from the time she gets out of school until i get home from work at 6 so that doesn't give me a lot of enforcement ability during those times for consequences.
HELLLLLPPPPPP!!! Before I go to jail for child abuse!!!
well you have all been under a great straing with all that you have had to do. What about some detoxing for yourself. I do think its noble to be angry but its what we do with the anger that counts. Whooping anyone's butt is not a good idea. Obviously you are still the boss. For me personally when I'm furious I need to take a step back, slow down and sit down and think of my options. One option I would not suggest is whooping anyone's butt.
I would also say that when I get into "shoulding" myself I can get lost. I should not in theory have to live in one tiny room with my animals but the reality is I am there. When I embrace the reality I can change it when I am in a sea of resentment about it stuff happens. I don't think it was a coincidence my dog got out. I felt totally overwhelmed for weeks before that. I shoulda, woulda coulda myself into a hole. When I'm embracing where I am it is a difficult tightrope walk to take action daily to change things. For me the chance is in small progressions. I also think I have to be super careful about the rage I feel towards the A. For me personaly while I don't scream and shoutat him I remain angry at him. I can be angry with everyone else but him most of the time. Perhaps that is one of your daughter's issues she must be furious with him.
I want to be a fair and good parent but I also refuse to be completely disrespected by a defiant child or emotionally blackmailed and I believe that her calling me a child abuser is completely inappropriate and a danger to the other two as well. It is always said that we teach people how to treat us and I feel that by allowing her to run out into the common area screaming at me and yelling child abuser is something that needs to be put to a swift halt by whatever means. She has no idea what child abuse really is and I just really want some advice as to how to respond to this.
You are in a power play. You have set some boundaries and removed items as a consequence to her actions. You may have to suffer through some begging, crying and yelling but IMO if she gets her things back by manipulating you with anger, it will be like any other boundary that is not enforced. The insanity will just continue and happen over and over.
Just like the A's, it takes a few rounds for them to understand you are serious. Also, like the A...You don't have to attend the fight. You are welcome to tell her you will not be screamed at by her and walk away until she settles down. If things get WAY out of control, 911 is a phone call away. My best suggestion is to try to stay calm and in control and be the role model. You've done all this before it was just with a different person. Remember the "museum gaze"?
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Really feel for you - my own teen girl has been an angel lately and all I can think is "when is this going to end and the real Suse show up?"
I have a different approach, and it works for me. I'm not a big fan of whomping their butts, or of screaming (if I can help it, which I can't always).
Her life has been just as crazy this last year or so as yours has been, and she has the added stress of being a teen (hormones, inexperience, self conciousness), and of not having any sane and reasonable support group (you've got alanon, she's got her friends, who are most likely dippy teens themseves). Sounds like she is just really desperate, and is acting out in order to deal with her feelings. My approach, at this point when the relationship between the two of you is so strained, would be to get her some help. I'd go to the school, and speak to the counsellor there. Outline the general issues, and ask for direction to appropriate resources. There may even be something useful available through the school, and the counsellor will know about government and community resources, sliding scale counselling, etc. She needs direction to get her to find a way to release her anger in a healthy fashion, not at you. Her actions are unacceptable, but just as screaming at the A to stop drinking didn't work, yelling at her to be a better kid won't, either.
Yes, picking your battles can be helpful, you don't need to have WWIII over every messy room, but the real aim here is to get the relationship between the two of you healed so that you can discuss the problems in a way that comes up with solutions. This won't happen when she is drowning in fear and anger and resentment.
An important aspect of dealing with kids, that I have learned through my work and it really does have an impact, is to model the behaviour you want to see from them. If you want them to repsect you, you need to treat them with respect.
Ok, this is what I do when my 14 year old son starts mouthing off to me. I simply call up the Martial Arts place we go to and arrange for them to pick him up after school every day, right outside the front office in the big white Martial Arts van. Then he stays there until I can pick him up after work. And if I am taking class that night, he is there even longer. He is 14 so he isn't in the "after school program" as a student but more a "volunteer". But let me tell you, it embaresses the heck out of him for all of his friends to see him getting in that van every day. THAT is his punishment. And then he is sitting at that place for hours every afternoon babysitting these little brats that drive him crazy. Oh he hates it. On top of that, the adults there ride his butt about responsibility and being a leader, not a follower, etc. It is GREAT!!!! He begs to not have to go there. So I tell him to straighten up and we'll see. And b/c he is a volunteer, it doesn't cost me a dime. Of course we are already members there at a great rate.
Currently he has lost his phone & computer priviledges and skateboard due to grades and bad attitude. He won't get any of that back until his grades improve to C's in every class. And that will be a long time considering most of his grades are around 28's (F's) and he still cannot manage to turn in all of his assignments and study for tests. I told him it was fine. I couldn't MAKE him do well in school. He is in charge of that. It is HIS future he is screwing up. And when he fails, he will have to repeat the 9th grade while all of his friends go on to the 10th.
Oh we have our screaming matches. Just had one last night b/c I am sick and when I got home from work, I told him we were not going to karate. This made him mad b/c all of a sudden he is back into it and wants to go all of the time. He missed getting his black belt by one month a few weeks ago and now is shooting for the black belt testing in April. It is held only twice a year. I told him I was sick and didn't feel like taking him up there. He said he had to take class to get his last tip so he can test on Thurs. I didn't know he was scheduled to test on Thurs and canceled mine and my daughter's testing b/c I am sick & not feeling prepared. So I was furious to find out I was still going to have to go up there & sit through 2 hours of testing Thurs night b/c of him. Oh we screamed and hollered it up. I slammed things around and through a hissy fit. All was fine a couple of hours later.
Sometimes I want to clock that boy right in the jaw though. He bucks his chest up at me like he is so big macho tough boy. I think I could reduce him to a 2 year old if I gave him a good smack in the face. More than hurt physically, it was bash him emotionally. I am reserving that one for the day when he does something horribly disrespectful to me. It will happen. I am sure of it.
Ya know, these teens these days just get way too big for their britches and our world has gotten so out of control with political correctness that we as parents can feel helpless as to how to straighten our teens out. When talking, screaming, taking priviledges away and such don't work any more, what is a parent supposed to do? 30 years ago, it was take a belt to their butts. Now we risk being arrested for child abuse if we do that. Worse, our ungrateful teens are using that as a threat against us....a weapon to get all the spoiled rottens things they want. It is ridiculous.
So sweetie - I haven't a clue what will really work here for you. I find w/my son, the silent treatment works wonders. I mean I don't even talk to him to tell him dinner is ready. I tell my daughter loud enough for him to hear. Then I clean up the house & do ALL of the chores. I don't ask him to do a single thing. Not a thing. And he begins to realize I am MAD. He starts offering to do things for me like wash the dishes and I stay my course. I tell him no thanks, I have it. It usually doesn't take long for him to apologize and fly straight for a day or 2. Then it starts all over again.
OK, here's my plan for tonight... I'm going home and we will not discuss this if it gets heated. I will let her stomp around, kill me with her eyes, say all kinds of mean nasty hateful things and I will tell her she will start getting her things back when she behaves appropriately i.e. respectful and doing what she's supposed to be. I looked into an afterschool program and am going to call tomorrow about that to see how much it is and if I can do it. She was in counseling before but quit when we moved and I obviously need to find another one for her and the middle one who also has some issues but not as severe. I am going to try very hard not to corner her and beat her with a belt until everyone in the house realizes that this is NOT the way you treat your mom. If all else fails then I'll go to that. Just for today I'm going to be calm and try to get through it. Tomorrow may be a different story tho!
Today, I lost the plot and I had to go away from here, but tonight I read your post and you have provoked deep inward thought that has done me the world of good to remember, for I realise how far I have progressed in a situation very similar to yours. And I have to thank you for that.
This is bitter hard fought experience and a lot of HINDSIGHT that has given me what I am about to write to you:
You have a lot on your plate, you are strained to bursting. She has a lot on her plate, she is strained to bursting.
You are the adult, she is the child. She is screaming out and although I do not know what age she is I bet her hormones are all over the place too.
I have been in a similar position to you many times. My daughter was 16 when she first started to really hit out, she is now 32 and I should have walked away on many an occasion but I did not though now I have learned to walk away many many times[and I do not mean physically walk away, I mean mentally walk away]; I have had to be kind to me for her sake.
Over the last two or three years I have realised it is my response to her reaction that makes the difference and it has taken me all these years to realise this. I am beginning to see a difference in me and there is a glimmer of a difference in her too because my NOT RESPONDING leaves her nowhere to go.
Let me tell you, I take a deep breathe and count to ten before I say anything or react; and then I pray and I lean on God to give me the strength and the courage to just let the abuse and the foulness of her words and the aggression and the bullying not provoke me into the wrong reaction; and sometimes I simply DO NOT REACT at all; but I would NEVER NEVER HIT OUT for that is what she wanted so that she could then lay all the blame for her bad behaviour at my feet.
When this situation arises again, [for it will] I will pray that perhaps you will take one step back and envisage me holding on to you and whispering to you to back off and not go in there all guns blazing. It will not be easy and you may noaccomplish this everytime, but at least try to lower the temperature for that will help to dampen the tension. Instead of raising your voice lower it, instead of screwing your face up relax it, instead of attacking simply stop stock still and wait for her to stop yelling, or simply walk away from it and carry on doing what you were going to do if she had not flew into a rage. You don't deserve more trouble and strife and neither does she.
You are so courageous to post this here and I hope that I have been a little help and that you can feel the love I am sending to your home, now even as I write this.
God Bless. ((((((Carolinagirl))))))))
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Thank you hearbroken, I think that was exactly what I needed to hear right before I walk out the door from work and head home to see my little angel. I'm going to follow your advice along with the power of positive thinking that SHE WILL BEHAVE APPROPRIATELY.
Thank you, everyone- it was so helpful to read all of this. I learned a lot about how to deal/not deal with my A. Your sharing has really helped me to see what I do/dont do to contribute. He is a raging teenager in many respects. thank you.
The above were only suggestions, I am not in a position to advise you and indeed it would be quite wrong of me to advise you. The above worked for me, however I am sure that the steps that I learned to take might just cool the situation.
Remember though, what you think is appropriate behaviour may not be what she thinks is appropriate behaviour. But your demonstration of appropriate behaviour will be seen and that will have a positive visual impact for her to take stock of.
It is no good pouring petrol onto a fire hoping to put the fire out, you need water for petrol will only make it burn more fiercely.
with love and prayers
Heartbroken
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
As someone who has had her boundaries pulverized from infancy I would be the last person to suggest that anyone take anything from anyone. The issue for me is when I am enraged and showing it I am much less effective as a person.. Personally I spent years and year screaming at the A, begging him, pleading with him. These days he regularly asks me to give him one of the dogs to keep him company in the old car he is living in. I say a very quiet no and I don't say it more than once. So for me boundaries are what Ilive and die by. There is much to be said for the broken record techniques of seeming slightly bored and keep repeating what you said in a low key way in order not to set someone else off. I know thats easier said than done and I have to practice that one.
The more detached I am the better I am at setting boundaries and meaning them. When I get triggered which happens still and feel rageful I have to personally take a step back, that certainly doesn't mean I allow anyone any oppotunity to do anything to me. I pay really really close attention to boundaries these days. I work on them all the time.
I am glad you have a plan. I have to make plans all the time to deal with certain people. I have a vision of what I want to be treated like these days. I work on that. I also work on introspection, when I feel needy, spent, fed up, tired, worn out and more. I know that that affecs my boundaries and my ability to cope.
There are times when I've lost it certainly. I've screamed at people and told them to get lost I do it much less and I don't do it 24/7 in the way I did with the A. I forgive myself for that pretty quickly and move on.
That's my ESH obviously I don't have a child but I do have incredibly hard difficult people who intrude on me all the time to deal wtih 24/7. I also have an A who used to be able to wind me around his little finger and that changed for me.
At least you are holding your boundaries about taking her things, it obviously bothers her that you did that. To earn them back is the right way to go in my opinion.
Another thing you might try is to call the police ahead of her and let them know that you have an unruly teenager who is scaring you and she is yelling "child abuse" out the front door. I know the police officers here would come in a heart beat to teach her a lesson. They do not take lightly to that and may even tell her that "your mother has every right to get a belt on your behind". I agree with calling the police and them taking her to school. I had it done to me and it didn't kill me but I NEVER skipped again. lol
I agree that beating the snot out of her would not do a thing but make her think that YOU are out of control and you don't want to lose the ground you have gained.
NEVER let her know she has run you down. Remind her that you can go on as long as she can go on except you have options and she doesn't. There is boarding school, juvenile school (ALC alternative learning center), boot camps and summer programs.
I also have my son is Street Defense (Karate) and they are VERY strict and hold them accountable for ALL their actions at home and in school. They will make them do one hour of jumping jacks or push up on their knuckles and after about three weeks of rebelling they respect!! They respect at school, at home and in the outside world. They do not tolerate uncontrollable teens.
Good luck chickie, I have yet to get to teenagers.........I know I'll be in jail cause I will pull a switch off of the tree and chase them down the block if I have to!! IF they think I was bad before jail they all better be gone when I get out!! lol
Dear Carolina girl. This is from my experience.Not telling you what to do. It is just how I will share. ok?
Deep breath. Again, detach. Love your daughter, hate the behavior. Do not argue.
Sit down with her, and set boundaries with her. Tell her she is becoming a woman, and you realize she has different needs, and wants. You want to write down together what she wants and what you want as far as rules, and consequenses. IF she breaks the rule, then that means she is choosing the consequense you two set up together.
Let her know she has choices. They thrive on us allowing them to grow up and make them.
So Tuesday the choice is, do the dishes, that means rinse,wash,dry and put them away.Or, fold all the cloths and put them away. When she chooses, and does it well, she earns something. Money? A Friday night to go out, whatever you two come up with. Positive reinforcement works a million times better than negative. Then you ask her what do you think would be a consequence if someone did not choose to do either? The consequense must fit the behavior.
BE SPECIFIC. Kids do not see what we do. My dad would say why didn't you do what needed to be done when you got home from school? I was like what??? lol He says, just sweep up the big chunks!
Again, talk to her about the yelling etc. Ask her what does she really want? It isn't anything she is saying. She is acting her pain out. She is confused about a million things. Being a teen is so very hard. More than we realize. Plus she has the upheaval and turmoil that you all have honey.
When she loses it, do not say a word. NOTHING. When you give her that attention, that is attention she asked for in a negative way. She needs to learn when she acts that way,she will get nothing. After a few times if that, she will stop.
I would say to her, "I love you honey, however I sure would not make that choice to yell and run outside." or wow I sure would not make the choice to charge a mom who loved me with child abuse and end up in foster care."
Carolina I have worked with kids of all kinds, at risk, challenged, broken homes, sexually abused, depressed suicidal and more. They need you to listen to them. Really listen.
My mother was soo good with at risk kids. She told my cousin if he did not stop doing whatever she would tie him by his thumbs....so he did it again, I walk into the kitchen and he has his thumbs tied to the cubboard handle. lol Sometimes lightening up helps.
If she says she wants to run away, I would say, it is your choice, I won't force you to stay here. I sure would miss ya though. Don't allow her threats, cries for attention affect you!
Hey I used to say if beating my son would work I would do it. Someone told me to bury him until he is twenty two. lol
Remember this is temporary. When you hang on, be her rock, she will feel more secure. They NEED us to be strong for them becuz they are scared to death. They are four year olds in big bodies.
I promise you if you do this, she will wake up someday and apologise for her behavior and be a great adult. Both my kids did. Thank hp my mother taught me this or I would have a drug addict son, and a very sad daughter.
I know you have little kids, so it must be hard to sorta realize you have a confused woman blooming there. Just think about the hormones that are raging in her. We as women go thru so many dang changes.
kids, to puberty when everything changes, to womanhood, having babies, getting older then we go thru the change....gads....
I know you can do this Carolina. I am always impressed with your strength and conviction. As far as school counselors, they are mostly for academic counseling now, not for social work. They cannot even tell you about going to a therapist as if they do, it makes the school district liable to pay for it. At lease in our state.
If I can help you more please ask. I LOVE teens and would rather work with them, be around them than anyone.
I was just asked to be the guidance counselor for a parents group of parents in recovery from Meth. And to be the same for the kids of parents who are in recovery from drugs.
I had to say no, but sure made me feel good to be sought out and asked!!!
It is the same thing to me as my animals who come in hurting and mean and scared. Sometimes it takes years, but they always come around.
OH forgot, when you guys make a rule, if she tries to argue, repeat the rule,she says, I hate you I want to run away, I won't do the wash...You say the rule is, in order to earn the money or hours to go to the mall, we speak to each other politely.
If she yells again, tries to draw you in repeat the rule. period NOTHING else. She will get tired of it when you will not engage.
Unconditional Positive Regard. I was in a class of hard core boys and girls. If they were mean to another, we would say that,Hey Unconditional positive regard.
these kids would read, read!!! You could hear a pin drop. these were gun, knife carrying kids. We did exactly what I just wrote to you here. We made it such a neat thing to be in our class, they did not want to leave. If they blew it, they would beg to come back. Becuz we treated them with the respect we expected for ourselves.
Setting the rules with them makes it their place too. Just like your home can be.
Lots to swallow I know. I have VERY big hopes you guys can do this. I have told parents tell their kids, "Hey if you choose not to get it together, I am sending you to debilyns animal sanctuary to live." lol
I have no words of wisdom for you CG, as we reared our children in the era when that kind of behavior didn't get a foothold, because the kid got his lights knocked out before it got that far. My children never raised their voices to me or their father because they were taught early who was the boss. We laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Always did. Still do. I am appalled by this display of disrespect. I'd likely end up in jail because I would flatten her, and if she got up, I'd flatten her again!
Do not argue. DO not verbally defend yourself. "Because I said so," is a perfectly good answer.
But I am afraid it is a little late to expect daughter to have some sort of epiphany and once again be that sweet-faced little cherub she once was.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 22:37, 2007-10-30
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I was probably very like your daughter. When I was 12, I lost my grandpa, then my drunk uncle and his smelly friend moved in and my dad wasn't around. It was a nightmare and I took it out on my mother. Ofcourse I did. She withdrew from my rage, she told me to get over it, roll with it, stop being so overly dramatic,etc. She was a workaholic and nothing I did or said would stop her from going to work. I hated her. I mean I really truly hated her. Looking back, she was abusive and neglectful. She handle every situation wrong. It was always about her. Somehow, she could and does always make it about her and how much I hurt her, made her angry, whatever. She wouldn't answer my questions about our family. She refused to talk about my feelings. So, she sent me to a counclior. That was good but she refused to come to some sessions so nothing was ever resolved between us. Communication is key. She's 13, not an A. This is when she is going to learn how to communicate. If she has to manipulate to get her point across then that's what she'll do, and do for the rest of her life. Hasn't worked out so well for me thus far. With my girl, I try (and it is so hard for me) to talk to her about stuff when there is nothing going on and she seems in an ok mood. Then I try to be conversational about what I want to talk about. She is usually receptive to what I am saying but doesn't have alot to contribute. I let her in on what it was like for me at her age. I tell her I totally remember the awkwardness and the anger and fear but I tell her that she is not living my life and my life in some ways was way more chaotic than hers but that she has alot more responsibility and loss than I had.
I can't tell you what to do to make it better. I want to beat the snot out of mine at times too but that has way more to do with what's going on in my head rather than her pushing my buttons. I know some of my friends whos parents called the police on them never ever forgave them. Even as adults, even admitting that they were class A idiots, they still are hurt that their parents would go that far and give up on them. Being a single mother is HARD> Being a single mother in crisis is almost impossible. But if anyone can do it you can. I can too, because I have to, so do you. In the end, with alot of love, it will be worth it when we have girls who have graduated from college and are taking care of themselves and then find a guy who is not an A, a man who treats them like an equal partner, and they will be happier than we have been to this point.
Don't listen in the heat of the moment, listen when she is quiet. Don't break that connection.
I have two teens in my home, I understand what it can be for that power struggle, just try and breathe, I have found letting the ranting go, trying to ignore until all calm down helps. I have also discovered that trying to talk to a teen in crazy hormones, there ranting and raving never gets me anywhere,.
Try and stay calm, maybe call the school and see if they offer counseling. All I can do is send you prayers.
I went through what you are describing with my now 19 year old daughter. I saw a lot of red flags going up shortly before she turned 15. I turned to every resource possible, counseling for both of us at the mental health center, the police, Social Services, and an adolescent crisis center. They all basically told me they could do nothing unless she tried to commit suicide or run away.
Run away is exactly what she did, with a 24 year old predator.
She was taken into state custody, originally placed in a group home, ran the second night, spent 60 days in a lock-down juvie facility, and another 12 months in a foster home for high risk kids.
It was the best thing that ever happened to both of us, although it was painful at the time.
She learned the consequences of her actions. She was humiliated when she had to see a doctor while in lockup and had to ride in the van in handcuffs and shackles.
She received intensive therapy while in foster care and I took parenting classes geared towards teens, which were tremendously helpful.
We had aftercare for a year after she was returned home, weekly visits from a worker, then every two weeks, then once a month.
Today she is a beautiful bright 19 year old working two jobs, getting her first car Friday, and just got a horse. She doesn't drink or drug.
Sure we still have issues, but nothing like it used to be.
That's my personal experience.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
