The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had this epiphany this morning that Al anon has given me the gift of being known. I sought that in depth in counselling and never really got it. I had a sense of it but I think I held back. I've been in these rooms for over 2 years now. I came here a basket case, totally paralyzed in depression. I am certinly not in the best shape now, I'm broke, lonely and often fed up. At the same time I have this great gift of being able to come here and be known! What a wondrous thing that is. I am in awe of receiving this because of course as a codependent its hard for me to receive at all. I can give but recieving is hard. I know the love, acceptance, non judgement and care I have had in these rooms have carried me through tremendously difficult times.
Your post really warmed me. What a great insight about what you get out of the rooms/Alanon. I love being known by my home group, too. And, I always look forward to hearing how you're doing. You've been a major inspiration for me. I especially appreciate how frank you are about how much pain you are in and how H-A-R-D recovery can be. At the same time, I see ALL of the progress you are making, and I feel like I am part of a personal Alanon pep squad who is cheering you on!
OF course you are known. You are a BIG part of MIP. hey you have shared soooo much and we are seeing you on your path. You are amazing in what you share with us, your clarity is so cool.
I care about you and your critters very much and am very PROUD of you.
yes, this is a good way to put it. I call it becoming visible after being invisible for so long. Like a ghost, I was. In so many ways, I was such a ghost/phantom. I am becoming solid now, too.
I just logged on to write about this feeling of invisibility and this post caught my eye. I agree one hundred percent as I can function so much better when the A is out of town but the invisibility I feel when he is around just cripples me. I need to work on my part, I guess.
Thanks for this share!
ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
do you think that the invisibility has to do with the mountains of denial? Its like we make ourselves so blind and we lose our true selves so completely trying to please/contort to others needs that we (our true self) disappears. So, in fact, we ARE invisible when the A is around. a.) we are protecting ourselves/scared to death to be ourselves and b.) we deeply deny we are even in this situation or involved with this person.
Jean: What pheonmenal insight. I have to deal with someone in the house I am in who is in tremendous denial. She is also totally invisible to her needs. What a great insight. I want to be more visible without being a mess. I want to be visible as competent and dependable and understandable. I could not find this before this sense of being visible and known and not ashamed of my needs. The A always made me feel deeply deeply ashamed of my needs and wants. I am never going to tolerate that again.
