The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My last post explained how my dad called after a year and it was pretty freaky to say the least. I really didn't expect to hear from him again. He is my AD I guess, as apposed to AH I see you guys use. He is very ill emotionally. He can be very inappropriate even being long distance, which he has been for the last 24 years. But when he pops into my life it can be extremely disrupting due to his emotionally needy state. You wrote that I need to be strong, and put up healthy boundaries. Well, so far he has not called back but reading more and more of what you guys post makes me feel stronger and stronger. I just don't feel I need to take the same roll I did before. I am not that same person. I am in recovery, and that holds alot of weight in my world anyway. I just read where a wonderful woman stood up to the people at her job, well I think that is what I need to do with my dad. He just asks for too much. I will be there when he calls. I love him, I care about what happens to him but he continues to put himself in unhealthy situations and then wonders why he always feels bad. He told me he just needs a friend right now. That in itself is such a selfish statement and true to form. He will use me until he just does something so unacceptable that I have to say back off! Then he will disappear for another year or so. It is very sick. This time, if he does call back, I will put up boundaries from the start. No more calling at 3a. No more calling and writing 10 times in one day. There are others but I will take it as it comes.
Thank you for such wonderful words you share. They are soothing balm to my soul. Bella
That is very typical when dealing with an A - here you were, agonizing over how to deal with his call, and he just never calls back. That's why it's so important not to let them set the agenda, and make the rules. If you do, you just go crazy, and they drift through it.
All you can do is accept that he is what he is, enjoy what is enjoyable, and protect yourself from the other parts. You're not alone.
Thank you for your responses. It feels good to share and know that I am not alone. The longer he doesn't call, the stronger I feel. I really do feel I will be better off if he doesn't. I know he is my dad and I love him but he is so toxic for someone in recovery. I think he would be toxic anyway because of his sickness. I feel so bad for him but I just can't handle it anymore. But then he calls and I crumble. That is why it would be best if he doesn't call. It is hard being a parent. I guess it is never easy.
