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Hello all, it has been about two years plus since I was last here. Just when all is well..it's not. Fiance and I seperated on October 15., his son is getting out of jail the day after Thanksgiving. His son had lived with us for three years at one point. He stole from us, robbed from us, caused major problems with my fiance and I, at which point my Fiance started drinking again after seven years of sobriety. At that time,we split for about nine months. He got his act together, he was doing his program and was sober. After those nine or so months, we had been back together until now when he decided he wants his son to move back in when he gets out of jail. I cannot have everything that I work so hard for stolen from me again, and although I do love my stepson,I cannot live in the same house as him. My fiance and I decided we would split, he would get an apartment for himself that he and his son could live in so he could try to give his son a good start when he gets out of jail. We, as a couple were getting along great and we each respected the others decision as parents to do what is best for our children. I have a 19 year old son, my stepson has stolen many things from him also. My fiance lasted for three days after he moved out before getting drunk. Thats when I saw him on the street with another woman. He called me two days later not knowing I saw him and tried to act as if all was fine. I told him what I saw and the hurt I was feeling, & pretty much left it at that. Since last weekend, he has lost everything he had worked so hard for, he went on a drinking binge and who knows what else. He sold his truck that was worth quite a few thousand for "he thinks" about $600.00 and possibly some crack. He was found in a motel room wanting to commit suicide. As far as I know, right now he is back home. I won't even bring myself to drive past his apartment, I want to subject myself to more hurt if I see something that I don't need to see. Now for the kicker. Why am I so dam pissed off that he can't even call me to say he is sorry?? Why should that even bother me? And why is it that all I can think of is that he's too busy with another woman to think about me. When he is sober, which is actually most of the time and for most of the years we have been together, he has always been faithful, never been his style to not be. But put a chemical in him and that other horrible person comes out. Why is it that these stupid things are bothering me so much. I will not and cannot call him, to me just would just seem like I am ok with all he has done. like an approval of some sort. Does he feel like crap now? What kind of mindframe can a person possibly be in after what happened. Help me to understand please.
Hi Justmeagain, maybe its just me but I am confused about the people in your story. I know that there is a fiance, and two sons, one is yours and one is his. Maybe these details do not matter but it sounds like you are really in a lot of pain. i am sorry about that, it sounds really hard.
These things bother you because YOU LOVE THESE PEOPLE! I think it is wise to not call anyone except your sponsor or al anon friends. Get to a meeting. Its great that you vented here. Please try to relax a little and be gentle with yourself. You have every right to be angry and frustrated. Please remember that this is a horrible ugly family disease that we all have- whether drinking/using or not. It guaranteed that the A feels like crap-this is one of the reasons why they drink/take. Do they feel like crap because of what they did to you- probably not- their pain is much much deeper and take the form of self-hate, or self-crap.
It is not bad to care about the people we love who happen to be alcoholics. But we need to put ourselves and our needs first and this is so hard because we (most likely) grew up in homes where we were not allowed/role-modeled to do this or even have a clue about the importance of this. We are adults now and can change that through working the steps. Never forget that you are not alone and that you have a program. That program will carry you when you cannot carry yourself. we are all here rooting for you- we know what its like and if we can survive so can you. please be nice to yourself.
