The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, let's see, I have lost my husband, children lost a father, my son lost his best friend a few weeks ago, he was like one of my own...he lived here most of the time. Financially devistated, Social Security owes me close to 10,000.00 said around 30 more days.
My daughter who is only 17 just informed me she is pregnant. She is only 17 Dear God, I say enough.
I am having the hardest time in the world, I am sick to death of pain, crying and unhappiness. I am at the end of my rope with it. As hard as I try to pick my head up, I just can't.
My son is depressed, I am depressed, have looked into grief counseling, maybe I will give it a try. Just don't know if I have the energy to leave the house these days and my insurance hasn't kicked in yet. The system stinks.
I just know enough is enough......................Feel like a failure....Just want to lay down and not get up again.
I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I am thinking about you, it is a horrible horrible thing to be depressed. The good thing is that you WILL get through it. HP must have a plan. When it seems everything is going wrong I believe that is the true test of our faith. Please know that you are not alone, and you will get through this. I remember feeling like I just didn't want to live anymore, and now I really do believe that I am happy to be alive one more day! There is nothing wrong with venting to HP. I used to do it a lot, WHY is this happening... why? Getting mad at him. Only HP knows why. Maybe you are going through trials and hard times to toughen you up for helping someone else in the future? I know it is hard to hear now, but you will be stronger and you and your kids will be okay. I wish I was there so I could give you a hug. I think you are great to post about it.
Remember, too that your children need you and your example of how you are facing things... Sometimes I find myself depressed or angry and I remember, is this what I want to teach my kids? No, I want them to know that you have to put on a brave face in the midst of troubles,. There are good times and bad times in life. You need to put your faith in HP's hands and march onward and upward, and just trust that eventually things will work out. Fake it until you make it. If you don't feel strong, fake it. Eventually you WILL be strong. I am thinking and praying for you....(((ANDREA))))
((((ANDREA))) HUGS!!! I am so sorry to hear about all the things you have been through, it must be terrible to deal with,enough is enough, I agree.They say god only gives you as much as you can handle, well i think you have had your share plus.Hope things get better for you, grief counseling sounds good for you, might help you get through these bads times better,help deal with the depression.good luck and know we are here for you.Time heals too.Take care of yourself.
I am very concerned about your comment, "Just want to lay down and not get up again". This is the worst stage of depression. Is there any way you can get medical help as soon as possible? Is there a church that will help you get the medical help? Depression this debilitating cannot be turned around without medical help. No amount of trying to tough it out will help. Depression like this is a disease that needs to be treated with medication, cognitive therapy, and a support group (Alanon). Coping with all those losses is more than a human being can manage without help. This will show your children that you are taking the necessary steps of taking care of YOU. This is my opinion from my personal experience and my friends who have gone through the same thing. I watched a documentary today on depression and the brain becomes chemically imbalanced and will continue to decline without treatment. Tomorrow you may feel a little better or maybe not, but it will not go away. If you saw your child like this, what would you tell them to do? Please get help.
Wow, that is some real life stuff you are dealing with. I have heard over and over that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but he doesn't tell us HOW to handle it. I can so relate to your feelings of being overwhelmed. Who wouldn't be with all that stuff going on. If you weren't feeling depressed then that would be strange. I have been doing grief councling for a while now. It is great. I have the kids involved also and they really are getting alot out of it. When it comes to their best friend's death, grief councling is a wonderful, safe place for them to talk. And it gives me a break from feeling like I am all alone in dealing with everything. For me, time and support have been helping. I do think I am crawling out from the avalanche slowly. Some days are better than others and I am not at all opposed to taking meds if I need to. It just seems to me, in what I am going thru that the grief, fear, guilt and anger are completly normal reactions and nothing I have to "fix" or "change" but more that I have to feel them and work thru them. I am actually scared of NOT feeling my feelings right now, they are so intense that I don't want to numb them and have to go thru all of this at a later date.
I don't know what I would do if my daughter told me she was pregnant at 17. I will imagine that I would support her decisions and be joyous if there were to be a new baby in the family. Have faith, keep comming, let the tears and feelings flow and keep taking care of yourself. That's the most important thing you can do for your family.
Tough. But you are right where you are suppose to be. Have you asked your HP for help? I have heard that if you can't get out of it then get in it. Keep coming back because we will always be here for you.
My heart goes out to you. I am praying that you will seek professional help. It is very worrisome the way you are talking. You have been dealt some very hard blows.
I will continue to pray for you
With Love and Compassion,
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Feel like a failure ??? I don't think so . You did all you could for your husband not once but twice since I have known you . Your not responsible for husb choices . the loss of your friend was painful I am sure I cannot imagine the pain . As for your daughter well is there is nothing u can do about her situation just love her . Please Andrea get help for yourself u have suffered alot of loss in the last few months see your doc and get help for awhile , it's okay to ask for help depression is a killer You are the only one that can take care of you . I know u can do this do the mantra Go feet Go and do what u have to do for yourself and family . thinking of you Louise
I know it seems incredibly overwhelming. It would to anyone. But when I look back at the strength and courage you have demonstrated here over the past few years, I know that it hasn't gone away. It's in there, that I truly believe.
There are support groups (for both you and the kids) out there that don't charge for help. Call your Mental Health Association. They are a great source of help. I know you don't believe this right now but: None of this is your fault. You didn't cause your husband to be an addict. You didn't cause him to die. You didn't cause the financial woes. You didn't cause the accident. You didn't cause the pregnancy. You are not a failure. You have an amazing capacity to survive and take care of your family.
Now's the time to ask for help. Now's the time to look to others to help you and your family. It doesn't mean that you are a failure. It means that you are a human being who needs help carrying the burdens of everyday life. It's okay to ask for help (and it's the hardest thing). Just take that step and pick up the phone. Call me, call anyone. It's the first step. I know you're tired but it will get better. That I promise.
Keeping you and your family in my love and prayers tonight and always.
Live strong, Karilynn, Hubby and Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Andrea, I, for one, do not think you are "right where you are supposed to be." What does that mean anyway? Unhappiness and despair are conditions that are not supposed to be. NO!! I wish I had the magic words that would make it all go away. Alas, I do not. I can offer you my prayers and positive thoughts for your recovery and your return to a good life. I am so sorry. While I am not an advocate of professional counseling in most cases, perhaps you would benefit. Please take care of yourself. Daughter and son are going to need you. There WILL be a sunnier day.
WIth great caring and concern,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
You and your family are in my prayers. Try not to look too far ahead and not back even a little bit. You can only live in the moment.....that's enough! Your beautiful children need you and you need them. Together with HP's help, you will get through this very sad and difficult time. Hold onto to that, dear friend. There is light at the end of the tunnel..........just wait for it to show. I pray you find the peace from within that you so richly deserve.
((andrea)) i want to give you words that will comfort you inn some way... i am so sorry that you are feeling down. i hate that life throws us such hard situations in our life to handle. but we do. we do keep going and things do get better. time will help with that. there are many things that happen around us that we can not control. i can understand your feelings of being overwhelmed. i wish i could take some of it from you to help you feel better today. so, let me take some. lol. please try to visualize handing some of it over to me... as a friend. and perhaps to even consider to write some of it down and place it into a/your "GodBox." this funny lil' thing (my godbox) seems to make a difference to me.i am so thankful it was suggested to me at one time. i cherish that and am so grateful for the "GodBox" idea. i also (decided-chose to, so i do) make myself stop and focus to silence myself. quiet those "things" around me. .... to allow myself the time to re-define (and re-direct) my center. i take in a deep breathe and count 1 ..2.....3...4...5 and then let it go. and as i do... let go of what is bothering me, i let hp/god have it. as i truly believe my hp/god is always there to take it from me. always. there is a reason for things to happen without our understanding why.... it is true it makes us stronger and in time as we overcome the shock, the anger, the sadness of the moment we see there are reasons / blessings underlying the chaos. i know you will make it thru this. it too shall pass and you will move forward. i have every faith in your abilities as i have witnessed from your many posts and your sharing (with me and others...many times.) you have helped me in your very special and kind loving ways to become stronger and realize if i continue to care for myself.... then those around me will see and believe too that everything will be better. it does matter that we make way (starting within our self) that we / i *allow my self to believe it will come to pass and to remind myself that *today i am / you are allright. and rest in knowing that tomorrow you will be alright. i have this within me to give me strength each day. you do too! i love ya girl, and i am sending warm loving huggggs and more hugggs to (((you )))) . time will help to regain your innner strength and beliefs. be strong and get to a meeting... watch a funny movie and spend some prime time with your children. laugh and enjoy today. its ok to slow down and let time do some healing all by itself. get some real huggs and then take yourself a nice bubble bath (for you) with some beautiful music like michael buble and some frank sinatra. lol. please keep sharing its healthy to get it out and to be with others that make ya feel good about you.... we love you. so glad to see you here, look forward to seeing you perhaps in chat tooo. maybe some of this sounds a bit dumb, dingy...but i love you and care about you. so * take what you like and leave the rest. :)
take careYOU, sending thoughts and prayers .. keep the faith. keep lookin uP:))))
You are NOT a failure. You can make it through this. Please get some help and keep posting. We love you kiddo. Sending lots of prayers, thoughts, and love.
I will keep sending prayers on your behalf. I think grief counseling would be a really good thing. I am praying that God will give you the motivation to get that started. I'm praying for your kids too.......God knows you have all been through a lot. Let Him have your pain, burdens and worries. As far as your daughter.......God can use this baby as a gift and a blessing. Might not feel that way now..... Keep your eyes on God, He will carry you. I'm praying without ceasing.
The only thing I wanted to add to all of these wonderful posts you have received is about your 17 year old daughter that is pregnant.
I know that it is tough to deal with, tough to swallow. It is what it is though. I got pregnant about a month after turning 18. I was a senior in high school. My boyfriend (now my AH of 15 years) was living w/his great grandma and about to get kicked out of there b/c she needed his room to house a live in nurse (a trashy cousin that ended up taking all of her meds when she wasn't looking).
I continued to go to school my senior year and managed to graduate with almost honor roll. A pretty amazing task considering I stayed home sick 3 days out of every week for pretty much the whole pregnancy. I think my total tally of missed school days that year was over 100 days.
I found out I was pregnant in Nov and got married the day after Xmas. The pregnancy was pre-existing so of course my AH's insurance wouldn't cover it. He was only 19 and working his 1st full time job for next to nothing so he couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for my dr visits. So I went to social services and found I qualified for government insurance AND WIC (Women, Infants, Children). This gave me all the basic nutritous foods for a healthy pregnancy AND after my son was born, it provided me w/all of his formula, cereal and baby food.
I tell you this to hopefully ease your mind a bit about your daughter being pregnant. Y'all will have to make the choices that best suit you and your lives. But it really isn't the end of the world. I know it probaby feels that way, especially on top of all else that has already occurred....but it is not. Sure, it will be a hard road to follow but also one that can be filled with such joy!!! If you allow it to bring in sunshine. I mean, this is a new life being created. You just lost lives and now you have been given the chance to allow this new one to enter your life. It really is a miracle. Even though your daughter is young, it really is a miracle.
I can definitely empathis with the financial devastation. i am there! I remember when your husband was going to rehab, detox whatever you always encuraged him to go. There is nothing wrong with going to get help. If you need it, get the grief cousnelling, get counselling, get family help at this time. You deserve help. You don't have to shoulder this alone.
so, let me take some. lol. please try to visualize handing some of it over to me... as a friend. and perhaps to even consider to write some of it down and place it into a/your "GodBox." this funny lil' thing (my godbox) seems to make a difference to me.
i am so thankful it was suggested to me at one time. i cherish that and am so grateful for the "GodBox" idea. 
i take in a deep breathe and count 1 ..2.....3...4...5 and then let it go. and as i do... let go of what is bothering me, i let hp/god have it. as i truly believe my hp/god is always there to take it from me. always.