The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Over the last ten days my husband has repeatedly said he wants to move out. He basically only sleeps here now, the rest of the time he's out drinking. I think he is seeing someone, carrying his cell phone with him everywhere (that's how I knew once in the past). I've attempted to be pleasant to him today. Unfortunately, I did say to him earlier, you're out of control drinking wise, sexually and morally. Please take charge of your life. He went outside and I said please think about what I said, his answer was NO and if I do take charge you might not like the way I do it.
My heart is breaking. I know there's nothing I can do or say to stop this or is there. I would do anything to stop him from leaving.
Welcome and I am so sorry you are in pain today. I know very well the feeling of your heart breaking. It is heartbreaking enough to see him drinking his life away, now he is threatening moving out, etc.
There are many important things that I learned on this site and going to face to face meetings of Alanon. It took a great amount of time, but the lessons and tools I learned saved my life and my sanity. I guess what I am trying to say is to, take a breath. Stay close to this board and read other's stories. Don't worry so much about him right now. Take care of yourself. It is a really really challenging thing to do, but if you begin to worry about your life and "detach" as they call it here, you WILL feel so much better.
Another thing I have learned is people will do what they are going to do, alcoholics or otherwise. I have no control over anyone's behavior or decisions. Getting Them Sober is the best book I have read, and it literally saved me, I read it at one time like the Bible. It was so, so helpful in the horrible time I went through with my husband.
There is hope. My husband has been sober for one year now. Last year, I had no idea what would happen, it was a horrible year of drinking heavily, suspected infidelity on his part, and I felt like I was actually going to lose my mind without him, when I realized nothing was getting better.
Our relationship is still work, but I believe that the things that I learned from everyone here on this website and Alanon made me SUCH a stronger person. I actually VALUE myself now, and last year all I could think about was what I was ever going to do without him? I, like you, would do anything to make him stay. Well, now I know, going through that horrible year, that I WILL not stay if he chooses to drink again. It is not for me, and I know I will be okay and have a happy life without him. That was a huge lesson for me.
I pray that you find peace here, and sanity and hope. This disease is a miserable one, and it destroys everyone in its path, including the family. I am sorry for your hurting, but believe me, if you stay in touch with us and this board, you WILL feel better.
The A I was with did a lot of "leaving:". You may find Geeting them Sober is a helpful resource for you. the author talks about most alcoholics dont actually leave.
I can very well understand the urge to save your marriage. I spent years in an alcoholic relationship. I did everything I could to make it work but I couldn't do it after a time. I cam here 2 plus years ago and my life has changed immesurably since then. I do still have tremendous problems. At the same time they are workable today in ways they never were before.
My AH is still not sober yet, but I have learned that nothing I do will make him stop, and I have to take care of me first. You dont say if you have children, but if you do they will need your care as well.
This is a good place to vent, as we have all been there before.
You will be in my prayers
(((Hugs)))
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Welcome to MIP! Keep coming back. Attend f2f mtgs. if you can. My AHsober had threatened almost since day one and that was 30 years ago. He finally did leave and of course I am devastated. He keeps telling me that I won't give him his freedom. I have never seen divorce papers and I see him every 2 weeks for various reasons. For my sanity I go to lots of mtgs. He has a right to do what he want as hard as it is on us. Remeber that it is the disease that you are talking to.
Hi there, I remember my A threatening with leaving, asking me if my leaver was broken, saying he wanted a divorce and on and on. Now that I left a year ago I think he would do anything to have me back but it's too late for that. You are worthy of being treated good by someone who adores you! When I left, I took EVERYTHING and left! I didn't wait for him to figure out what he was going to do. I'm glad I did because if I waited for him to do it I might have walked away with 3 kids trying to figure out how to support them for the past year. I took all the money but I also took all the responsibility. It doesn't sound like things are very happy in your situation right now, I hope you find a meeting and meet some other people to support you in your area.
