The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today, actually for the past few days I have been feeling bored and restless. I don't know why, it's not as if I have a shortage of things to do, quite the opposite in reality but I'm still feeling like I'm missing something.
I'm working and looking for a second job, selling stuff on ebay, hanging out with the kids at home and I have a LONG list of things to do tomorrow when I'm off. I think my problem is lack of human interaction.
I still don't have any really close friends where I am and it seems like everything I do is solitary. Listing on ebay - alone, getting personal business taken care of - alone tomorrow I'm planning on going to a movie - yep you guessed it alone. I don't have people I can call and ask to hang out. It seems like everyone is on a different schedule, everyone works and when I'm off on the weekends I have 3 kids to lug around with me which doesn't really leave room for anyone else. At work I eat lunch alone, I spend most of my days in my office alone. I guess I'm just sick of not having other adults to interact with. Yes yes I know, find a meeting. I am working on that and have a time and day but don't know where the location is. Even so it's one meeting once a week.
I'm really starting to believe that I don't know how to make friends anymore. It seems like the only time I talk to people is when I need something which makes me feel guilty. I try to make other calls but it seems like there's just nothing to talk about when you don't really know someone. How do you get to know people in real life?
OOHHH I so know how you feel!! When I was married to my first husband we moved to 6 different cities in 5 years. (We stayed in one place for almost 2 years.) I think it all started for me there. I just didn't really know how to make friends anymore, b/c what was the point we would probably just pack up and go soon. I have been here since my divorce almost 7 years ago. I still don't have friends. I have acquaintances, but not really friends. I have 3 kids and one more on the way. I have a sober AH, but let's face it, he still has lots of "isms" and sharing and forming a really good "friendship" with an a sober or not is hard!!! I go to church and don't have any friends there really. I am busy most times taking my kids somewhere or doing something with them, or just getting their homework finished, or everything ready for the next day. I work and talk with ladies I work with, but still I don't feel a real connection with anyone. I feel like I am looking at the world and I'm to "busy" to fit in or just don't fit in. There are 2 meetings in my area, one is once a week and I just didn't feel a connection there--I liked the ladies and all, but I just didn't feel right, the other is so late that I wouldn't get home at a decent hour to be good to anyone (especially now that I'm pregnant--I'm sorry but 8:30 is bedtime for me now--I'm such a weinie!!).
I hope you can find a good connection/friendship soon!! Keep plugging away and at least chatting here it's not a solid f2f friendship but we do care and maybe someone here will be the friend you need.
Are there other people at your work eating lunch too? Where do they go? Where ever it is, there's nothing wrong with a asking "may I join you?" with a big smile. Are you sure you are making yourself approachable? Do you look happy and smile at people? If you are solemn and go off by yourself all the time, people assume you want to be left alone, not that you are lonely. Are you walking around with your head up and smiling? Do you say "Hi, how's your day?" to people you work with? These are just some thoughts...I know sometimes I can be absorbed in my thoughts and forget to smile :) And yeah, a meeting would be great. I found a dear friend at a f2f. In fact tonight we're going to dinner and then to see The Marshall Tucker Band. You can call: 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday thru Friday, 8 am 6 pm ET. to find the location of any meeting and meetings close by.
Take care, Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I know for me the A took up such a huge part of my life that now there is a gap in there. I do think I am a lot more picky about who I hang out with. I stopped speaking to one of the roommates whose behavior was out of line. I would not have done that so quickly before.
I do think there is a gap when it is all over. You do have friends, you certainly have lots of people here who care about you. I do for one. The issue is in getting this into the rest of your life. I know for me most relationships I've had were in a hurry. Friendships were intense too for me. I had friendships that were every bit as involved as my relationships were. These days I take a very slow approach and I set and watch for red flags. If I see them I let go.
Yes, I have a REALLY good friend from here, unfortunately she is states away! I need a LOCAL friend LOL. I found myself looking at job sites for other states today, part of the restlessness I guess. I do smile, talk to people, engage them most of the time. I have gone to lunch here and there with various coworkers but not often. I really don't quite fit in here, it's a very closed community and I'm not "from here". Most of the people I work with don't respond well to friendliness and this is the kind of place where people spend most of their time talking about other people which doesn't interest me because 1 I don't know who they're talking about and 2 I have always thought that was rude. It's a way of life here though which is probably why I don't spend too much time associating with coworkers. It's unfortunate considering this is where I spend most of my time.
ok well I need a job, I want one just like yours so hows about we switch for a bit? I am best buddies with my boss, there are the parents and the kids and all of their stories. But can you dance? Aw, you'll catch on. We can switch lives! I don't have a degree in social work, I wish I did but I have delt with many social workers in my life, so, I have a pretty good idea of how to fake it. Come on Carolina, That would be exciting!!!
i know how you feel,i feel the same way..moved to florida from ny..and find it hard to make friends here..i also feel alone..but at least you have the kids..my children and grandchildren are in ny so is the rest of my family..but you are not alone..it seems really hard to make new friends these days..but keep coming back here cause you have friends here MIP
Hang in there girl. You'll make friends soon. When I am feeling lonely, I like to get absorbed in a good book. One that allows me to drift out of my world and into a completely different one.
