The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As most of you know my A just got out of prison about 2 weeks ago and he has been emailing me. Usually they are boo hoo poor me, when can I see my kids, etc. I decided to set clear guidelines that let him know when I would let him see the kids which required him to have a home, job, sobriety and a way to get to and from a place to meet them. For a moment his mom got in the middle of it and I nearly chewed her head off. She backed off and we are still friendly.
Today I get an email at work that says "I miss you". That's it. Then I go on to check my webmail for my home email and there are two more talking about how he hopes he can get a great job and send us tons of money and how he's doing ok. Then he asks if I had fun at this festival I went to this weekend and says he didn't want to come (he wasn't invited) and disturb me and my new "partner". Almost every email has some reference to this ghostly mystery guy or maybe he thinks I have turned to the other side :) interesting word choice "partner". Anyway, I used to always think of it as him assuming that I just couldn't be alone. I have decided today that from now on I'm taking it as I'm so wonderful I couldn't possibly still be single after a year. I am just glad that it doesn't make me mad anymore, actually I find it kind of funny when I think about it in this new way! Of course I'm not setting him straight, he can believe whatever he wants.
I think in reality that is his mental justification for finding another victim - I mean girl - because in reality he can't stand to be alone with himself and needs someone to rescue him so if he convinces himself that I have someone else then it's ok for him to as well.
Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........You are so solid and strong about who you are and what you want, YOU are perfectly fine all by yourself and don't need anyone to justify that ...cuz you are awesome!!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I do not get emails I get phone calls. They can still get under my skin. I have not yet had a year of detachment. When I do I will know I am in much better shape.
It's a bait job. He's trying to see if you agree that you have someone new in your life. No response is the only response that will cause them to go away. He wants some type of response from you. It doesn't matter what type of response. Stay strong.
Tell him emailing you is violating the RO and his parole :D . You'll be glad to hear from him when the RO expires and he's accomplished his check list and provides proof. Any further emails will be forwarded to his PO and the local police department.
As many chuckles as you get from his pathetic attempts to bait you, any response, even to tell him to pound sand, FEED him. Negative attention is better than no attention.
My concern is he WILL escalate. And the "authorities" are more likely to not take you seriously for having contact with him during an RO.
Jus' be careful FOR YOURSELF sweetie, that's all I'm saying. You don't want this to come up and bite you later . . . he could use this against you later if it suits his purposes.
You can always read the emails, chuckle, and send them to Trash :)
actually that's what I usually do. When I do reply I say something nice like I hope you get it figured out or I hope you get that job, etc. I ignore the partner thing. I don't mind him emailing, I just don't want to talk to him on the phone or see him.
You can always delete the emails. You can add him to your spam list. you can tell him that you're not gonna listen to him pity himself and until he gets help, dont call. You're a smart girl, I know you'll figure it out.
save the emails. Either print them out or stick them in a new file. They could come in handy at some point. You can always add him to your blocked sender list also.
Sorry I'm late getting in on this. I agree that the emails are a bait job. He is fishing for info and a reaction of any kind. I also think it would be a good idea to save them in a separate file and occasionally send a bunch of them to his PO or the police. Watch your back, Hon.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
