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Why is it that my life is now comming apart at the seams and his is not? Don't get me wrong I wish him well as I do still love him and I have prayed for years that he would stop drinking. It apears as if my prayers were anwsered as he is trying and has gone 2days without - a new record
I know that my issues are petty compared to what a lot of you are going through and I know that I can handle anything life throws at me but DAMN! must everything be thrown at once??
Here is the short list of things that have gone wrong.
I want to get drunk!!! Don't get me wrong I am not much of a drinker in fact I could go without drinking for the rest of my life and never miss it. If I have a few drinks a year that is a lot for me. I just want to numb myself and stop crying over him and how much he has hurt me. After all if worked for him Part of it is when we do talk now on the phone I am not sure if we are still together as he does not tell me that he loves me - Maybe it is a good thing we were not married - But I have told him I just want to know where we stand as a couple if he wants out I think I will be able to handle it better if he tells me rather drag things out.
I have found out that I am not a plumber!!! I have made many trips to the hardware store in the last 2 days buying and returning Items that are suppose to help take off the trap in the bathroom sink They do not help with anything except to cause bodily harm.
My car was towed last night when I went out to hear a local band - Wipped out my bank account getting it back.
The Job I was hoping to get (I was Laid off) sent me a thanks but no thanks letter after 3 interviews
Like I said this is the short list - But when will I stop crying? I will be going to my 1st meeting tomorrow - one positive thing!!!
I sure feel for ya. I have had days like that when it seemed like everything bad was happening to me, not him. Hang in there, there is surely to be a bright light at some point. Of course, it isn't visible soon enough, is it? LOL...
Kudos to you for trying your hand at plumbing. I have had to be the one who does all the repair work because my AsoberH doesn't care to and doesn't have any clue how to do anything. He will even say he doesn't know.
I've felt the same way about wanting to numb the pain. I am not a drinker, but I have enjoyed a glass of wine in the past, before knowing about his drinking. I also REALLY enjoyed a mai-tai (spelling?) or two many moons ago (I could have enjoyed several more if I had it my way, lol), but I know that I really don't want to go that route. I would rather go out and exercise to lessen the pain. Sometimes I think that I have gotten past the pain, but then I get all angry again and just get stuck with the anger and resentments all over again.
One book that has helped me lately, and it is Alanon Conference Approved, is Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses. I got it at an Alanon/AA women's retreat a couple weeks ago. It is really a great book.
Thank you for your responce - I am glad to know that I am not alone in wanting to or have wanted to numb the pain with booze - I thought that I was being a hypocrite for wanting a few drinks. It is good to know that my feelings are not out of the "norm" - considering that I never had booze in the house not even a beer could be found in my fridge (never mind that I do not like beer) even when I had my first apt at the age of 18 - (Yes I am old enough to be part of the public that had the dring age of 18 ) for fear that I would turn into an "A" because I remember reading something that said the fastest way to become an "A" is to drink alone. I also remember hearing at a young age That when you "need" a drink you should never drink. Belive it or not I was about 6 when I heard this at a Holiday dinner at my grandmothers house (XMAS I think)
I have always done repair work - My tiny house sucks up more money then a Major sports star. If I had known that the Term "NEEDS SOME TLC" Translated into 'needs lots o money' I might have thoyght twice - but I do like my "tiny cottage" even if my 1st apt was bigger!!!!
Nice title for you post; might you have gotten that from a meeting or two? Alcohol is not a viable solution and most alcoholics will tell you it was a progressive part of the problem. If it occurs to you that it might help you handle your life or the pain or what ever that may help you be curious enough to go take the "test", the 23 question test that is used to help a person decide if alcohol is a problem in their life. If you get three (3) yes answers they recommend you investigate further. I know that you said you are not a drinker (or a plumber for that matter LOL) and all that but hey the test is free and self discovery is always on the path of recovery. There is no one accepted definition of who is an alcoholic. Enough!
One of the things that I was helped with in early recovery in the AFG was to take the focus off of my alcoholic wife and what she was and wasn't doing and put it back on myself. Funny how I found that sooooo difficult to do. It almost always seemed like she needed the help and not me but you wouldn't know it by listening to my "woe is me" stories. You are not alone!! I prayed for her and pleaded for her and wished her well and did nothing for me no wonder I was so down in the dumps with the "woe is me". I knew well how to go about her and everyone elses business but not mine and mine was a mess and needed my attention.
By the way drinking NEVER DID WORK FOR HIM remember? It has ruined his life and yours at the same time. He's got two days off the sauce and I know that he isn't feeling great about it and sooner than later his body and system is gonna say HEY!! where's the stuff? and things are gonna get tough for him trying to live and breath without booze. Like all recovering alkys, if he is in a 12step program, he's gotta go one day at a time without booze while the compulsion to drink goes at him all day all of the time until he learns that he is powerless over alcohol and that his life has become unmanagable. This happens to be AA's and Al-Anon's 1st step of 12. He is and you are powerless over alcohol and....
I remember trying to run my life and make decisions for me based upon my alcoholics feelings and thoughts and wishes. That was not reasonably sane on my part. Her life was more unmanagable then mine at the time and I was asking her to make decisions for me? It took just over three years and I went thru every little bit of sanity and everything else by trying to live my life on the wishes, wants, plans and intentions of an alcoholic. Looking back I made a serious error in judgement. Of course the miracle that resulted was this magical, spiritual program of Al-Anon and a renewed relationship with a Power greater than myself or the alcoholic. Live is soooo much better today and much more worth living.
I wish for you all the super stuff that came from my becoming a long term member of the Al-Anon Family Groups. I wish for you all the miracles that come from continually coming back and learning and practicing the program. You will be amazed at how you loose the compulsion to try to get attention using pity and the woe is me song and dance because you no longer need the habit. Can you visualize a self esteem that rejects the negative stuff? That will happen also!! Your alcoholic can go on to many record days of sobriety or go back on a record binge and it won't unsettle your spiritual balance at the same time you will have compassion and love like you have never known it before for him and for others. Extravagant promises and hope? Not for those who have kept coming back, taken the suggestions, read the literature, worked the program and reattached themselves to a power greater than themselves.
Have a great 1st meeting. "Keep and open mind and you will find help..." You are not alone in this disease and never have to feel that way again. We let members cry like babies at our meetings and just love them wet or dry. So don't worry about crying at a meeting. Usually the tools of a good meeting include a box of tissue!
I don't know that I wish the A wel I don't actively resent him For me it is enormous discipline not to be in pity party. So much of my life is not the way I need it to be. I work really hard, long hours, live in an awful place, have to take care of 2 dogs (the A gave up on that) am isolated. The list is long. I have to actually detach from my own life. Sometimes lots of things go wrong, sometimes they go right. I just keep putting in the footwork. One thing I try activley to do is to stop beating myself up.
