The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dear Kris, You have been my dearest friend for many years now. I have held you close to my heart, to close at times. And thats why the things I have to say are so difficult to say. And it has taken so long for me to find the words to explain my position. I have no desire to say hurtful things to you. But I know, what I have to say, will hurt you. But, I have to say it, because it is my truth, and that is all I have to share with you right now. I am walking away from you and our friendship. I feel I must do this. Because of your drug and alcohol abuse. You have an addictive personality. You have never known when to stop and I dont think you ever will. You go to far. You hurt, embarrass and humiliate the people close to you when you are intoxicated. The rest of us pay the price for your fun. I can not do it any more. I know that I said, I would be okay if you just stopped drinking around me. That sorta worked for a while. But it is no longer enough. The only way to change any of this is for you to admit you have a problem and get help from professionals. Check into rehab or join AA. Begin a treatment program. I want nothing to do with you unless you are clean and sober and actively in recovery. The people around you see it, but they do not want to hurt or anger you. They are not strong enough to save you from your self. And it is not their place to save you. You will have to be strong enough to look deep inside your self to see the truth. Alcoholism is a disease, and its not your fault. Your body has a defect. You need help, to get past it. I know you may not believe this is necessary, right now. But It can happen when you are ready. You can have a new life. Free of hiding from the ghosts of the past and trying to keep all the skeletons in the closet. You just have to get real and do the work.
I want to live a peaceful life of gratitude. My life has been filled with addiction and abuse. I have the right to choose, and I choose no more addiction or abuse in my life.
I will not, look the other way I will not be quiet so the boat does not rock I will not be silent so that no one gets upset I will say what I see I will not apologize for being truthful I will not live in denial, so its easier for others to hide addictive or abusive behaviors
I hate to be around intoxicated people. But it is the worst when it is someone I love. I have lived in fear my entire life. Intense fear of the next intoxicated belligerent episode. Will it be loud? Will it last long? Will anyone be physically injured? Will someone leave mad? Will it be me? For many years it was my mother who brought this chaos to my life. And I thought I had fixed that part of my life when I walked away from her. But I had you in my life. You would continue to feed the fears and keep the ball rolling were my mother had left off. And without missing a beat the chaos continued. I have never known a holiday or celebration without this intense fear. I have longed for peace. And now I see that I have the power to give that gift to myself. I choose who I allow into my life. I choose who I give the power to hurt and scare me. I can say NO! No more fear! No more chaos! No more three ringed circuses! No more invisible elephants in the living room!
I am done being hurt and frightened by alcohol and drugs. I dont want it in my life anymore. You need to get treatment, or leave me alone forever! Yes you have the right to drink what ever you want, when ever you want. And take all the pills you want. But I do not have to be a part of it, ever again. I have to do what is right for me. Cheryl
I am so sorry that you have to do this. You are courageous for standing up for your needs. I am sorry I was not here to respond 2 days ago. I understand how you feel.
Almost 3 months ago I had to make my AH leave. He is getting better now and has 51 days sober, but it will be a long time before I let him back in the house. I felt just the same as you have written here. I did not know if this would be the end of us or not, but could not go on anymore this way. I understand the fear you speak of. I, too, have put a stop to it. I refuse to live that way ever again. I will not let my kids grow up thinking it is normal to live in fear of someone elses behavior day in and day out.
I am glad you wrote this. You and your friend will be in my thoughts and I hope someday your friend will find the courage to get help someday.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Jen, Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really need to stay strong. And it is not easy. The denile and anger are strong. But I feel 50 LBS lighter. I know I am doing the right thing, and I know that she is not seeing things clearly right now and hope that one day she will choice to begin to recover.
